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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a husband appreciation thread?

56 replies

LunasOrchid · 19/09/2019 09:21

I don't know about you but I feel like there's a lot of negative threads about men/husbands generally on MN and it's made me realise just how lucky I am to have my wonderful DH Smile

Not all men are arseholes and I think a thread praising the good men (husbands, fathers, brothers etc.) in our lives is in order.

My husband is a truly nice person. He is incredibly friendly and everyone who meets him would agree. He puts me first and would do anything for me. He does more than his fair share of housework and cooks more than what I do. He's a fantastic father to our DD and actually parents and plays with her. Whenever I need him, he's there and he is truly loyal. He's a kind, genuine, selfless person and I'm truly blessed to call him my husband. ❤

OP posts:
UncomfortableTruth · 19/09/2019 12:04

I don't think it has to 'smack of smugness' to discuss how we appreciate our partners.

I was on MN before I met DH and remember thinking back then how horrified I was that nearly every single thread was about a man acting like a total shit. I remember thinking I'd never find anyone like DH.

I'd also been in an abusive relationship not long prior and I recognise it a lot now on threads I see here.

Why is it a bad thing to express how we should be treated and to give hope to people like me (back then) that they don't have to put up with shit because there are decent men out there.

I'd love to see a thread on here from husband's expressing what they appreciate their wives for. I think it's nice to see.

MrsNotNice · 19/09/2019 12:09

Nice thread

FishCanFly · 19/09/2019 12:09

Mine regularly buys me flowers. Without occasion. Just because its nice Blush

FrauHaribo · 19/09/2019 12:09

I think this smacks of smugness, and may not actually be supportive of women who are experiencing problems with their partners not pulling their weight around the house, or being less than faithful.

I think it's important to point out that being miserable in a relationship is NOT normal, that a lazy and abusive is NOT normal and that you don't have to be single to be happy. You don't have to put up with a shit relationship either, it's not "IT", there's a big world out there, you deserve better and there are a lot of amazing people, one who might be for you if you want to try again.
I am not trying to say that you must be in a relationship, but you have choices.

Presenting women as permanent weak victim whose destiny is to handle all the "wifework", stressed and drowning under their "mental load" because a patriarchy ready to get us is so not helpful. It's not the life of so many women.... I refuse to teach my daughters that it's what being a female means.

ineedanotherholiday · 19/09/2019 12:11

I'm just entering into my second trimester and have been quite bad with sickness and just general rubbish feeling throughout the first and my husband has been a godsend. He's generally a good egg anyway but he's looked after me so well these last couple of months Smile

UncomfortableTruth · 19/09/2019 12:25

There was a thread not long ago asking people what they loved about being a parent. Is that smug too? Not everyone can be a parent despite desperately wanting to be.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/09/2019 12:47

I've been ill and off work recently. My husband has been doing everything. Absolutely everything. All night wakings, nursery and school runs, taking the kids out in the mornings so I can sleep in etc. He has had to rearrange work trips. Which to be honest I would expect in a partnership but it it his attitude, I can tell he is bloody knackered but hasn't moaned at all, isn't putting any pressure on me to do anything, just says it's fine when I thank him. I think if the situations were reversed I would be struggling by now not to be grumpy!

BetsyBigNose · 19/09/2019 12:54

My husband is simply the kindest person I have ever known, we have 2 daughters and he would do (and regularly does) anything for us; "his girls".

I have been very sick for the last 6 years and have spent a lot of time in hospital, even when I'm at home I'm still incredibly weak and tire very quickly. He cooks most evenings, makes our DDs' packed lunches, does all the washing up and the majority of the rest of the housework. When I'm in hospital he keeps everything at home running smoothly and does a wonderful job of reassuring and comforting the girls when they're worried about my health.

He tells pun-tastic jokes, is the most enthusiastic dancer and impresses me with his University Challenge scores - he even did his Masters degree when we had a newborn! All he needs is a couple of hours to play football with his mates on a Friday night and a browse through the record section in a couple of Charity shops at the weekend - he's just really content with his lot and I am massively grateful for him.

We've been together for 16 years, we never argue and he's getting more handsome with age! When I thank him for everything he does, his favourite response is; "happy wife, happy life!" And I am. Very, very happy and SO glad he's mine!

BykerBykerOoh · 19/09/2019 12:54

Mine is a real deal Good Guy. We’ve been through major ups and downs in the last twenty something years and he has been my rock. Asks for little, puts up with much. We drive each other a bit crazy at times but there’s never anything that can’t be fixed. I like that our kids can see how we resolve things and how they should to treat others and expect to be treated.
/smug

Frangible · 19/09/2019 13:07

He cooks most evenings, makes our DDs' packed lunches, does all the washing up and the majority of the rest of the housework.

I'm sorry you've been so ill, @BetsyBigNose, but that sounds like normal behaviour to me. And keeping things running when your spouse is in hospital is, again, just what you do.

I'm not anti-praising spouses, but this thread smacks a bit of the kind of thing that used to embarass and madden my male SAHP friends at the schoolgate, as if they were prodigies of nature for looking after their own children and doing most of the housework.

BetsyBigNose · 19/09/2019 13:37

Fair enough @Frangible, I agree that it is (or at least should be) "just what you do", I was just taking the opportunity to talk about how much I appreciate that he does these things. I know an awful lot of couples where if they were to find themselves in a similar situation to us, the 'healthy' partner would get everything done, but wouldn't be able to resist bitching and moaning about having to do it, or would expect constant praise. I'm grateful that he doesn't make me feel the tiniest bit bad for not being able to pitch in as much as I would like and the fact that looking after me and our DDs genuinely gives him pleasure.

I've had pretty shitty examples of relationships (each of my parents has been married and divorced 3 times) and my own, only other serious relationship, prior to DH was with a man who point blank refused to do any housework (3 months after we broke up I had to go back to the flat we had shared and there was still washing up in the kitchen that had been there when I left and the spare room had been turned into a bin bag storage room and was buzzing with flies Shock). I am also self-aware enough to know that if our roles were reversed, I would probably feel slightly hard done by, by the situation - whereas DH genuinely enjoys taking on my share of the workload because he wants to make my life easier and he wants us to be happy.

I totally get where you're coming from, I think it's just a nice opportunity to think about how much I appreciate him.

BossAssBitch · 19/09/2019 14:46

Great thread.

My DH is the best man I have ever met. He is such a pure soul. We got engaged three months after meeting and then married two months later, it was absolutely the best day of my life and the past three years have been the happiest time of my life. DH is my best mate. He is clever, very, very funny, he keeps me so entertained, is always up for an adventure, we have had so much fun since meeting and is just so unfalteringly kind and thoughtful. He is also drop dead gorgeous Grin When I look at him I think my heart will burst with love, he really is perfect 😇

HollysTeflonSeptum · 19/09/2019 14:51

Going by the OP I can say I have been lucky enough to have an amazing son and a great father, who I appreciate all the time.

Unfortunately I haven't had that in a partner. Doesn't mean I think bad things of all men though, not at all. I know too many good ones.

maternityleavequestion · 19/09/2019 14:57

You are all just proving that all the good ones are taken! Grin

tillytrotter1 · 19/09/2019 14:57

Our partners SHOULD be nice, we shouldn't have to dedicate a thread to them, it's how life is supposed to be. They should be loyal and kind and caring, because that is what humanity is meant to be all about

Ha, a typical convoluted MN dig at men, even on this thread! Surely if you want to make a point then we should all be loyal and kind.

RibenaMonsoon · 19/09/2019 15:01

What a lovely thread.

DH is an absolute sweetheart so I'll contribute too.
He's kind, loving, hilarious and built like a rugby player (very much my type).
There's nothing he wouldn't do for me and he's the most amazing father to the DCs.
I honestly never thought I'd meet someone that I could truly call my soul mate but we've always just clicked.

Plus he's amazing at presents. Birthdays, anniversary, he really thinks about what he's getting and it's always so well thought out. I feel a bit inferior whenever I'm buying for him.

On a side note, I don't think this thread as smug. You could Interprete anyone talking about something positive in their lives as smug.
I notice no one refers to those lovely MIL apprecation threads as smug.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 19/09/2019 15:01

I do wonder though if there are any male-based forums talking about how they appreciate their wives. Are there any?

verticality · 19/09/2019 15:40

"I think it's important to point out that being miserable in a relationship is NOT normal, that a lazy and abusive is NOT normal and that you don't have to be single to be happy."

Oh, I completely agree.

I'm just not sure that appreciating men is the right way of inculcating that message. Perhaps building up women to have a sense of self-worth that comes from themselves first and foremost, alongside a sense of the structural factors of discrimination that are still in play for women in good relationships would be a better way? The good relationship really follows from those premises: from self-worth, and the assumption that a good man is also a good ally in the fight against sexism.

learieonthewildmoor · 19/09/2019 16:05

Nah, mine is being an absolute knob at the minute.

Mumofjustboys · 19/09/2019 16:13

@BadLad he always looks sexy but i tell him eveey time he does the dishwasher as a bit of encouragement Halo

MrsNotNice · 19/09/2019 16:14

Mine is tolerating my crappy moodiness and my laziness during my late stage pregnancy and pretending not to notice Smile

HKM94 · 19/09/2019 16:15

I love my DP more than anything in the world! He does everything he can to make me happy and he always knows before I do what I need at that moment! I had a difficult birth with our DD but not once did he show any sign of concern or worry and he never left my side the 2 or 3 days I was in hospital. I am currently carrying our second DC and it is a little boy and he cried when we found as there were some potential risks but we got the call to say baby was healthy and it is a little boy.

He is the best daddy in the world to our little girl and he falls asleep every night with his hand on my stomach as he can’t wait to feel our little one! He used to love holding my stomach with our DD when I was asleep as she would move around and he would feel as though they were having nice bonding moments that didn’t involve me

He is my absolute rock and I feel that he is half of me! Smile

CarysRed · 19/09/2019 16:17

He’s been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me and encouraged me to start my own business when no one else did. He’s incredibly supportive and so funny. I don’t know how he puts up with me sometimes

Ringdonna · 19/09/2019 17:02

Hmm wonder how many are still cheating tho?

FrauHaribo · 19/09/2019 17:17

Hmm wonder how many are still cheating tho? Hmm

I am guessing the same amount as wives who cheat?