To leave my two girls for the day?

[Greggers2017]

DD 12 and DSD 11 have just started secondary school, they are due to have an inset day on the 25th October but I've got the opportunity to go to see a show with my friend in the afternoon. Would I be unfair to leave them from around 11am until 4pm when DP gets home from work? They are very sensible and mature for their ages. The neighbour will be at home and says they can go round to her if there is a problem.
DS will be at school and my mum is having the baby.

Not illegal! .However can Mum have them all ?.Seems a shame to worry about them when you have a chance to catch a show !.If they do have to be left ,I think at 11 and 12 they are a good age to become more independent TBH

Usually on these threads, I think it's fine to leave them but I think 5 hours is too long to be stuck in the house on their own. I'd ask your DM to watch them.

They will be fine.
DCs need to learn how to manage on their own for short periods. And get themselves to and from school.
In my area we have wonderful things called telephones, neighbours, emergency services and common sense.
If you have not done every single thing for them since they were born, then I'm sure they will be absolutely fine.

If all goes OK then it means you can start leaving them alone for periods in the summer holiday

And if it doesn't then you can explain to SS why they were home on their own. It isn't technically illegal to leave ANY child alone however they would do you for neglect if anything happened. And the thing is... when/if something DOES happen it's too late to wring your hands and wail...

Firstly it's not illegal.

Secondly I work part time and DS (aged 12) has to stay in the house on INSET days as I don't have enough holiday to cover those AND holiday. DH works away from home during the week.

I have a note that I leave out for DS on INSET days. It has a check list of what to do if he decides to go over to his friend's house (two streets away), like 'don't forget your key, take your wallet, send me a text NOW'.

I leave him sandwiches and drinks in the fridge, loads of snacks (he's a 12 year old boy, hollow legs...), tell the neighbours he's on INSET, he has my number, his friend's mum's number and a neighbours number.

He can go out to his friends, usually pre-arranged, but no one is allowed into the house. He doesn't answer the door bell.

I've also left a torch and a note of what to do in a power cut (leave fridge doors shut, put the radio on for company, send me a text in case it's localised).

He loves it - he plays on his PS4, watches TV, does some drawing or writes stories. He's usually got some homework to catch up on.

When I was 12 years old I was in charge of my siblings after school and during school holidays as my mum worked until 5pm. I don't think 5-6 hours on a few odd days hurts. As long as 4pm is the cut off time and the child is mature enough (and wants to do it - which is the important thing. If they think it's a great adventure then fine. If they're worried about anything then no.

As long as they don't answer the door.
Keep your phone on silent and keep in touch by text just to check-in.
They will be absolutely fine. Doors and windows locked. That would be my main advice.

It depends on your dds, are they sensible? It is quite a long time to be alone, and neither are that old. Are they likely to fight/bicker/feel scared? I would want to be sure they were ready for being left for the day.

Have you left them for the odd hour before?

I would ask my mother to have them, she is looking after the baby anyway and they can help her with the baby and spend time with granny. Then you won't worry all day.

I think it's fine, I'm pretty sure at the age I was walking home from school by myself to am empty house until my mum got home from work several hours later. If I was ill, especially with period pains etc I used to get dropped home and left for the rest of the day. I managed just fine and think it's good to teach a bit of Independence

You're right, not illegal, I guess I was thinking of babysitting! But given you're effectively leaving the older child in charge of the younger child those rules could apply.
I also found this, via google:

How long can I leave my child at home alone for?

There is no law that says for how long a child can be left at home alone, but it is an offence if they are put at risk. For example, a parent who leaves a 12 year old alone at home to take a short trip to the local shops would not be committing an offence, but leaving a 14 year old at home alone for a week would be an offence.

The NSPCC advise that:

children under the age of 12 are usually not mature enough to be left alone;children under 16 are not left at home overnight.

The above isonly guidance—there no set ages in relation to children being left at home alone.

-

Basically if either child had an accident whilst they were alone you could be arrested and charged with neglect... the leaving them isnt against the law, its about whether they come to harm whilst alone that it becomes a legal issue. And as accidents can always happen, however responsible the children, I wouldnt risk it myself.

Why not have whoever is having baby come to yours, or both girls go there too? Safer all round.

Sure they’d be fine, make them a cold lunch
Instruct them to not use kitchen appliances but you’d have to be very sure they would listen and do as you’ve asked and are sensible enough to be left.

It is not illegal. But they are quite young to be left for 5 hours if they are not used to it. How long is the longest they have been left before? I’d probably arrange for them to go to your mum if thst is possible.

Sounds fine to me. So long as they are happy. They can ring you/your mum or go to or ring a neighbour if any probs. I would tell them not to answer door. Have a plan for if there is a fire. Make sure they know what food/drink is available.

Maybe leave them for an hour or so first as a test.

I think it's absolutely fine and, thankfully, the law is reasonable about this as it assesses these matters on a case by case basis. The question in terms of legality is 'reasonable care'. Also, it is good for kids to get used to being alone so they aren't thrown into the deep end when they are alone and faced with difficult decisions. Stella O Malley's book Cotton Wool Kids discusses this issue in detail

And just cos something isnt illegal, there are always variables that question whether its actually sensible to do...

In the same way, just cos 'thousands'of kids are expected to make their own way home from school and fend for themselves for hours, doesnt make it necessarily ok, or safe.

Is your mum local, in case of emergency? If so seems fine, presumably they have phones.

FWIW my mum used to leave me from about 10-2 in the school holidays sometimes. I just used to watch a couple of films or read a book. The time flew, and I thought nothing more of it. She only worked 15 minutes away, and I could always ring her if I needed anything (I never did, not even once).

You say your neighbour is happy to look in on the girls. Make sure they have her number and know that they can ask for help if anything's wrong.

I am sure they will be fine. I've always believed it's important for high school students to be given independence as far as possible, as it means they'll be much better equipped for life as they get older.

I know of someone who wasn't allowed home alone until she left home at 21 (yes, really) and she really struggled with university because of it.

Op assuming this is not the first time they have been left alone, and they are happy, then it's fine.

Those NSPCC guidelines make me fume.

I never banned mine from cooking either. Accidents can happen, but the risk in the scenario you describe is very small.

I'm sure at 11 and 12 they are more than capable of entertaining themselves and making a sandwich or putting a pizza in the oven for their lunch. And, as you've said, your neighbour has said they'll be there if they need help in an emergency. It will be absolutely fine.

They will be absolutely fine and a good opportunity to prove how mature they are and it will be good for them.
Tell they you trust them and you know they will make good choices.
You have emergency back up & with 4 kids you deserve a nice treat, go enjoy!

Thousands of secondary school kids finish school at 3 and are home alone until parents return from work at 6, 7 maybe later
I had a door key age 9 as my mother was out working till 7pm. Schools didn't finish till 4pm then though so it wasn't that long. She left me a sandwich. It sounds terrible to me now but I really didn't mind or feel neglected at the time. It was a very neighbourly community of terraced houses. I could have just gone next door if I'd had a problem. Yanbu

Thank for all your replies, hectic day hence the late reply.
They are used to being left from 4-5:30 when I'm at work but I'm currently on maternity leave so they're only left at the mo when I do things like food shopping.
There is an adult close by, I put in my original post that the next door neighbour is home all
Day and is happy to check in on them.
They can both use the kettle and microwave safely and there will be plenty of snacks etc in the fridge.
They're not going to my mums as she lives 90 minutes away on my way to where I'm going. It would be boring for the girls as their friends are all around here. They see my mum regularly anyway.
I know it's not illegal and next door (the other side) is a social worker and she knows they are left alone occasionally and she's never had me arrested for neglect. Trust me social care have much bigger issues to look into.
I posted as I was worried about the length of time, still a little undecided so may ask DP to take a couple hours of TOIL in the afternoon.

Also it's not as if I'm leaving the older child in charge, she is only 10 months older. Pretty much the same in how mature they are.

We did this, DS2 a bit younger than yours. We had our neighbour call in each hour, and they had his number, and then friends picked them up for clubs at 3.30pm, then to another neighbour for the evening until we got back. A very rare occurrence for us but it was all fine and they were thrilled at being left. (Youngest complained to me afterwards that his elder brother had not even ‘let him stand in the garden’ without him being there so responsibilities were obviously being taken seriously!)

Asking your DH to come home a bit early to reduce the length of time they are left is a very good plan. Still enables you to go and still prompts some independence.