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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little bit annoyed but AIBU?

28 replies

Whycantibeapuppy · 19/09/2019 08:22

It’s my best friends birthday very soon. We don’t see each other as much as we’d like as life/work/boyfriends etc take up a lot of our time so I wanted to do something special. I spoke to her boyfriend (we were a group of friends before they got together) and arranged what day is best for me to book something. We agreed the beginning of the week, the Monday as he’s planning to take her away for a few days. I’ve booked it off work and booked what we are going to do (posh dinner on a boat, London eye and planning the cinema) I spoke to the Boyf last night to check whether she’d seen the movie I’d like to take her to see and he said he’s booked them away for the whole week. I was a bit shocked as we’d discussed it and I’d arranged based on what he said. I won’t get my money back on the dinner as it’s a book in advance. My partner thinks I should mention it to her as it will be a while before I can get time off that works with her but I don’t think I should. Just suck it up and send her a great present maybe?

OP posts:
JollyAndBright · 19/09/2019 08:25

In your shoes I would definitely tell her but I’d do it in a ‘it doesn’t matter, I just wanted you to know that I did plan something’ way.

Can you take your boyfriend instead so that it doesn’t go to waste?

Cheeserton · 19/09/2019 08:28

So you definitely agreed a particular day and you said you'd be going ahead and booking?

Or, did you have an in principle discussion about a suitable day and then went ahead and made reservations without further discussion?

Which is correct?

ShatnersWig · 19/09/2019 08:30

Why didn't you make the arrangements through her rather than her boyfriend? Was it to be some sort of surprise? Do adults really throw surprise birthday days like this?

MRex · 19/09/2019 08:31

Off topic, but what kind of dinner gets paid in advance? I've never had to do that. I've paid a deposit booking a space for 80 people, but dinner for two...? Anyway, call the restaurant and change the date, chill out, job done.

AmIThough · 19/09/2019 08:33

Just phone the restaurant and change the day of the booking.
Yeah it's a bit crap but you know...

Don't contact her and tell her because you'll look like you're slagging her boyfriend off.

choli · 19/09/2019 08:34

Arrange with your friend the next time instead of through her boyfriend. That's just weird.

FairyDust92 · 19/09/2019 08:39

@choli I think she wanted to make it a surprise for her friend...

MemorialBeach · 19/09/2019 08:41

To the people asking what sort of dinner do you prepay for, and suggesting the OP changes the reservation, it's a dinner booking on a boat, presumably on the Thames in London as the London Eye is mentioned. These are paid for in advance, it's a set price and a set menu (with options for vegetarians and allergies), and probably non refundable. It's a dinner cruise sort of thing, so an 'experience' rather than just a simple booking at a restaurant.

OP, did the boyfriend know you were definitely going to book things on that day? If so YANBU and I would be very annoyed with him if I were you. As a PP suggested I would probably let your friend know you booked it so she knows you were planning something nice. Is there anyone else you could take in her place?

ShatnersWig · 19/09/2019 08:42

@choli But the sensible thing to do is tell your friend you want to take them out for the day for their birthday, book a day with them, and then make what you actually do a surprise on the day (if said friend likes surprises).

Original poster
Whycantibeapuppy · 19/09/2019 09:02

It is dinner on a boat in London so non refundable and booked in advance. My friend knew we were doing something the Monday but that’s all, it was a surprise for her. We’ve done the same for my birthday in a couple of months, agreed a day as it usually takes a month or so for us to manage a day where we are both free. She doesn’t know about the week away with the boyfriend though. Unfortunately my boyfriend is away that week so I can’t take him.

The conversation with her boyfriend agreed the day, not just in principal. It was decided quite definitely. It sucks but I don’t want to upset her so I think I’ll just keep quiet and see if I can sell the tickets!

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 19/09/2019 09:02

Tell her but go with your own partner.

squirrelspatchcock · 19/09/2019 09:56

From what you say in your follow-up, YANBU.

It was agreed that you would do something for her birthday on that day. He knew it and so did she. Boyfriend is in the wrong for not consulting with you before booking a holiday.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 19/09/2019 09:59

I'd definitely call the boat people to see about changing the date. It may be non-refundable but may be changeable?

MRex · 19/09/2019 11:55

Why haven't you attempted to call up and just change the date with the boat people?

Original poster
Whycantibeapuppy · 19/09/2019 12:33

I have, they can change it for a rather large admin fee

OP posts:
melj1213 · 19/09/2019 12:40

If the BF has arranged a whole week away, could they not just go on Tuesday? That way your friend can have the Monday evening treat with her BFF followed by her BF whisking her away for the rest of the week.

Also, how has the BF managed to arrange for your BFF to get the time off work to take a whole week away? Unless she's a teacher or something with set holiday dates then, unless the BF has contacted your friend's employer, can she even go away? I wouldn't cancel the dinner if theres a chance the week away may not be able to happen

MRex · 19/09/2019 12:47

Come on, woman up! Negotiate then, start with "That is not reasonable, I'm happy to negotiate which date we move this to but there is no significant extra effort for you that would justify an admin fee".
If they aren't responding well, escalate asking the lines that you'll start the debate tagging them on twitter and Facebook, as well as putting reviews on Trip Advisor etc

MRex · 19/09/2019 12:48

*along not asking

MRex · 19/09/2019 12:51

They should respond to an initial negotiation approach though, did you tell them it was crossed wires over the dates or just ask if you could move the date?

Did you pay by credit card? And have you actually read their terms and conditions of booking to check the "admin fee" is correctly listed?

melj1213 · 19/09/2019 13:05

Come on, woman up! Negotiate then, start with "That is not reasonable, I'm happy to negotiate which date we move this to but there is no significant extra effort for you that would justify an admin fee".

It is not the company's fault that the OP has to change plans and, provided that they make the fact it's a non flexible/non refundable booking clear, they do not have to do anything.

They may do on a goodwill basis but threatening to slam a company online because they are sticking to their policy is not fair. Policies are created for a reason, exceptions can be made in extreme circumstances, and the company is not wrong to not see this as an exceptional circumstance and so not want to break policy.

I work in retail customer services and on a daily basis I will get half a dozen (at least) people wanting me and my colleagues to "make an exception" for their returns/exchanges that are outside the returns window/in non returnable condition. The policies are set by head office, I can't just override them because you threaten to put in an official complaint/bad review.

Original poster
Whycantibeapuppy · 19/09/2019 13:07

She’d booked the Monday to Friday off already and he was supposed to be taking her for a 2/3 night break from Tuesday or Wednesday so I had the Monday

It is stated in the terms and conditions, no refund for cancellations and admin fee for changing dates. It’s booked quite far in advance as there’s only limited seats available I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ Luckily I have someone that is interested in the tickets so I’ll only lose a little bit of money

OP posts:
AmIThough · 20/09/2019 04:16

You could have just spoken to the boyfriend about messing you around and asked him to pay the admin fee, if you're friends anyway.

Original poster
Whycantibeapuppy · 24/09/2019 12:11

Amithough I wish we were still close enough for me to have that chat but once they got together most of our friendship group got dropped by him, most of us are only still in touch with her.

It now turns out he’s done the same for the day we’d both booked off for my birthday in November. She used up her holiday and booked the week off so I could pick what day suited me best to do something and he’s booked them a week away.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 24/09/2019 12:56

It now turns out he’s done the same for the day we’d both booked off for my birthday in November. Is this something you need to keep an eye on? It's probably just incompetence, but it could just possibly be him wanting to isolate her from her friends.

FloatingObject · 24/09/2019 13:06

This man is a twat. Dump him in the shit and flat out tell her