Husband visiting old friend

[LoreleiRock]

One of my husband’s oldest friends lives in New Zealand, we have not seen him for years. He is coming to a country near us for work (not same country but a lot closer than New Zealand). My DH wants to go and visit, I have absolutely no interest and I have told my DH this all along. I honestly don’t care if he goes alone, except for the fact we have absolutely no spare cash right now. My DH is now really angry with me (I guess because he could justify sticking it on a credit card or using college money if it was for both of us) even though I have said all along I would not be joining due to starting my new job. AIBU to be pretty furious that he is blaming me for not wanting to go and also for using me as an ‘excuse’, he has sent a text that kind of implies I am not allowing him to go.

Not sure what college money means but if you are happy for him to go but worried about the price of it then I would have thought a decent conversation with DH could come to a conclusion i.e.between you & what the money means and what else could it do. Not phrased that well but I imagine you get the gist.
Hope you sort it out

Both my kids are in college, so it is fees/living expenses for them. He does not do well with talking, he gets angry pretty quickly (a new thing as he gets older) and then calms down really quickly too. It is over for him. But I am angry that he blames me. I really don’t care if he goes, but he knows that I would find it unacceptable using the kids money.

He ia being completely unreasonable. He should not use his kids college fund to pay for this. Equally, if he sticks the charges on a CC, it’s irrelevant whether you go or not. I wouldn’t be accepting the blame or any attitude from him about this.

I don't think your husband should be blaming you and he shouldn't borrow money on a CC to go, but I can also understand why he wants to go and would try to find a solution.

If the friend will.be in a nearby country eg France and your dh only has to factor in the cost of the flight, would it be doable? Or will he need to pay for accommodation as well? If he only has to pay for travel then it might be doable with him using savings and then repaying it over the next couple of months? I would try to look. for compromises if possible.

I’d put it on the cc to see a very good friend who I hadn’t seen for years. I wouldn’t miss the opportunity.

It's not unreasonable for you not to want to go, and it's not unreasonable for him to want to see one of his oldest friends.

I would try to facilitate him going, he possibly may not get the chance to see him again.

I am not stopping him though. I think it would just be easier for him to say we used the savings/cc than just he did. He is quite bad with money so I think this is probably stopping him, but it is just easier for him to blame me to his friend. I am not stopping him, but I am not going to find a solution, he is a big boy.

He shouldn't go if you don't have the spare cash. Why can't his friend hop on a plane and visit him?

That’s what I think too jesamine (we live in a far cooler city than the one the friend is visiting too!)

Fuck it, thats what credit cards are for

Sometimes it’s worth doing something and saving for it . Can’t you give him your blessing to arrange a cheap mini break using overdraft or credit card ? And he goes alone . Seems strange he is blaming you
For this . Can’t he cut elsewhere and just go alone if it
Means that much

Fuck it, thats what credit cards are for

I am also in this school of thought

Fuck it, thats what credit cards are for

Except credit cards need to be paid off so if there are family things then it still needs to be budgeted for - it's a question of priorities , surely ?

I think my judgement is somewhat clouded because I just don’t like this man. I have also never seen him make any effort for my DH, yet my DH is willing to travel for him. I think if it was a nicer person I would also think “fuck it, use the savings/kid’s money/cc”, but just not in this instance.