To feel selfish about feeling drained

[sakurachan3]

I'm having a bit of a hard time. My DH is suffering with depression and ptsd and is getting the help he needs but he is very depressed. He goes to work but most other parts of his life are interrupted. We have 2 dc under 3 and I work 2 days a week and have taken on everything housework, cooking, cleaning, mornings with the kids, evenings so I am exhausted 24/7. He also works until late so have been staying up to spend time with him when he gets home so I'm getting 3/4 hours with waking babies in between. I'm also having to be the positive one encouraging him to do everything all day and I'm emotionally drained. I have no one to talk to about my problems and I sometimes just have to have a cry when the kids are napping just to let out a little bit. I've recently found out he's suicidal and I just feel sick with worry. I don't know what to do, I don't know ow to make things better and I feel so selfish for feeling this way.

I don’t have much experience of this but didn’t want your post to be lost with no replies. Hopefully people with more experience than me will come along and offer some words of advice. In the meantime it must be really tough for you and I fully sympathise

@Bloomerstv that's very kind of you thank you

It's just a thought, but could you phone your GP surgery and ask for a phone chat with a GP and explain you are feeling overwhelmed as a carer of someone who is getting help with ptsd ( you are caring for your husband,even if you haven't realised it's seen as doing so) and can they assist in any way?
As a carer you have the right to have your needs assessed.This at least may flag up routes for possible help.
Don't feel overwhelmed.There is a way forward. I've been there, one needs to signal that one isn't invincible.

That sounds so difficult for you. It is exhausting having to be the 'strong' one all the time. Is there any support groups you could join? Or perhaps post on a specific website for people who are supporting people with depression. I wish I could say something more useful. You are doing a great job though, holding it all together. When you are going through bad times, keep going. This time will pass. x

Oh this is heartbreaking. You poor thing. You need and deserve some rest and support too. Please speak to your GP.
You must feel like you are carrying the world on your shoulders.

It’s not selfish to think of yourself. You are important too.

I'm sorry to hear this. Yanbu. You can't pour from an empty cup. You need to make time for you too. You need to go to bed sooner. Can you nap with the los during the day? Also can your oh take some sick leave?

You're certainly not being selfish by feeling drained; please speak to your GP. You cannot help your husband if you've nothing left to give; you can't pour from an empty cup. Does Homestart operate in your area?

Can you afford one extra day childcare so that you can have a day to yourself, even if it's just temporary?

I didn't even think about going to the doctors because I don't feel depressed I just feel tired and drained but that's a good idea to see if theirs any support groups. In regards to dropping a day at work. I have 2 separate jobs so can't drop any without quitting and push family pretty hard to help out with my 2 days a week I haven't left my kids to go anywhere apart from work in about 18 months

OP, what an endurance event you're involved in. Growing up, we hope for all sorts of happiness from marriage and children and life in general, and none of that is going on for you and none of your needs are getting met.

In the nicest possible way: stop this nonsense about calling yourself selfish. The test is: would I say this to a friend in the same situation. And often kind people are quite unkind to themselves. Give yourself credit for holding your family together and being strong, and think about ways to get some relief. Try to believe in yourself and take care of yourself