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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bloody people who are useless on their phones!! Argh

14 replies

Weston14 · 18/09/2019 16:37

AIBU to suggest she can shove her bloody phone up her arse?

Bit of context. I'm working in one of my company's offices abroad (and by abroad I mean far away, long haul destination) for a few months. I'm the only team member to have come over but I've been quite lucky to fall in with a group of fellow immigrants expats doing different things to me. All lovely people, but maybe not the kind of people I'd generally mix with at home; I like to go for a drink or something to eat after work (two things which are a big part of the culture in this country) whereas they're more "curl up with a book" types iyswim (nothing wrong with that!).

Recently met one other woman who is much more my type (we'll call her G) and we've had quite a few good nights out with a wider group including her circle of friends. The other night I mentioned something about phones and one of G's friends said quite randomly, with that famous MN tinkly laugh "Oh G is awful on her phone aren't you G? Never replies to anyone!" to which I was Hmm, but having not known her that long (and I'm not a big texter myself anyway) I just brushed off.

Comes to yesterday afternoon and G Whatsapps me asking if I'd like to come out for a drink with her in the afternoon. I was still in work but say to her I'd meet her later that night after dinner (context: dinner in this country is about 9pm) if she was up for it. She says yes definitely, I'll text later.

Comes to 8.30, I Whatsapp her asking if we're still on. I can see she's online (sorry I'm aware this sounds stalkery) but I don't get a reply til 9.30. "Sorry just eating now! See you in a bit". That's fine, I say, when/where do you want to meet? No reply. She flits on- and offline for about an hour and a half at this point. I text again maybe 10.45 (again, for context, this isn't that late in this culture, especially as I'm not working the next day) with just a question mark. No reply. Don't hear anything so eventually give up and go to bed about 11.30 more than a little pissed off I've sat round for 3 hours.

This morning I wake up to a Whatsapp along the lines of "Oh shit Blush". That's it. No apology.

AIBU to be pissed off? Without wanting to enter stalker territory, she was clearly online all that time I was waiting around. If she didn't want to go, she could've very easily just messaged me earlier on rather than stringing me out for 3 hours!

I had a similar friend who was just awful at texting over simple things and we eventually drifted apart. I'm not trying to enter into some deep conversation - I just want to know when and where we're meeting! I think it meant more to me as I'm on my own in a foreign country so it stung just that little bit more. As G is a newish friend I'm severely tempted to just cut my losses now and drop her - as I've read on here before, friendships are not meant to be hard work!

Sorry this is long Blush

OP posts:
Weston14 · 18/09/2019 16:55

As an aside, what are people's thoughts on me texting to just say, firmly but politely, that it's maybe not that great to leave someone hanging around for 3 hours?

OP posts:
PianoTuner567 · 18/09/2019 17:21

I think I’d give her a second chance, as you’ve been getting on well with her and it’s not personal to you (according to her friend). I’d she keeps doing it, then, yeah, cut your losses.

Weston14 · 18/09/2019 17:24

@PianoTuner567 thanks, i needed that bit of objectivity! What are your thoughts on messaging her to let her know politely it's not on?

OP posts:
Damia · 18/09/2019 17:30

Some people are terribly disorganized and might be online but have 20 WhatsApp groups or ridiculous things like that. I wouldn't bother commenting as she clearly didnt feel it worth an apology but in future only meet up if you have a place and time agreed beforehand?

Ponoka7 · 18/09/2019 17:48

I'm trying to think of a friendly way of saying that you like plans to be a lot more contrete.

Something like "i was looking forward tp meeting up and was disappointed that we didn't. Could we make definite plans, earlier on next time?"

Weston14 · 18/09/2019 17:57

@Ponoka7 I think you're right. I've just sent.

"Hi G! Sorry couldn't catch you last night. In future if you can't make it do you mind just letting me know, just so I'm not waiting round. I'll see you over the weekend or something I'm sure Smile"

Apart from that she is very lovely and a good laugh but I'll certainly be a bit more wary of making plans with her one on one; I'm wondering now if maybe it's easier in a group?

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 18/09/2019 20:11

Maybe I’m being thick but....l when you didn’t get an answer, could you have rung her?

Weston14 · 18/09/2019 21:11

@PuzzledObserver Well I didn't really like to in case something was genuinely up.

She's got back to me today saying sorry and that she was "feeling down last night". I'm not gonna push it any further.

OP posts:
Sunflower20 · 18/09/2019 21:48

I wouldn't bother again because nowadays we all use WhatsApp, we all know what it's like - you reply to stuff that you can be arsed to reply to, and leave stuff that you can't be arsed with. She made plans with you, yet faffed around on WhatsApp whilst ignoring you, knowing that you were still waiting and probably saw those notifications that you subsequently sent her.

I find that so incredibly rude.

Weston14 · 19/09/2019 01:12

@Sunflower20 If something was genuinely up with her, then fair enough. But you're right it is a bit of a joke to not even summon up the courtesy of a reply. I think I might have to start doing a "two strikes and out" rule with this kind of thing because as I said upthread I've been burnt before.

OP posts:
KaleidoscopeEyes · 19/09/2019 01:19

I can't believe you're being so easy on her tbh! One incident of this and I'd be out. Purely because like you, I've met a few of these types over the years, and honestly I cba.

TheKarateKitty · 19/09/2019 03:24

She invited you, also she was online and had to have gotten your notifications.

The initial meet time YOU messaged her and she says “see you in a bit” but keeps you strung along, doesn’t answer your followup texts, doesn’t show, gives a sorry “oops” and no apology.

Her friend has said that G is terrible on the phone because she doesn’t answer. Which was confirmed by G’s behavior.
YANBU to be angry and to not want to deal with her again.

I’ve had similar happen and yeah, they can shove it.

Weston14 · 19/09/2019 04:33

Thanks @TheKarateKitty

I'm going to cool off on G for a bit and see if she eventually flits back and proposes an outing - provided she gives a specific time and location and shows! Wink

God, all this effort for someone i've known a few weeks. I feel like I'm dating again!

OP posts:
BlockedAndDeleted · 19/09/2019 04:51

Yeah, I wouldn't be keen on the emotional guilt trip instead of an apology - that's a red flag to me.

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