Has anyone who has problems with insecurity/low self esteem leading to jealousy/irrational thinking, mainly in romantic relationships, managed to actually sort themselves out and get past it?
For as long as I can remember I have had issues. Worrying massively about partners cheating on me, thinking badly of me, not being good enough for them etc. Which has resulted in some pretty appalling behaviour on my part - checking messages, demanding not speaking to certain female friends (mainly exes and a woman who he had an affair with before me), checking when they were last online, generally not trusting them. I basically end up obsessing over them, imagining the worst and generally driving myself completely insane which is horrible for everyone involved.
I sort of know where all of this stems from. My childhood was pretty appalling, I was raised by a single mother with severe depression who treated me like her friend, not a child. She was obsessed with men, extremely paranoid and jealous, would do anything to please her boyfriends etc. She was treated pretty badly by most of the men in her life which I was a witness to. If I didn’t witness things first hand (she would take me to drive around looking for them some nights) then she would tell me about them and ask for my ‘advice’. This all started when I was around 8/9 after she split with my dad. She also constantly put herself down, smashed mirrors because she didn’t like the way she looked or throw things around before a night out if her hair/make up wasn’t right, spoke about how ugly she was, how no one would ever want her, how she wanted to die and the like.
Not surprisingly my first relationship was a horrible, toxic, mentally and sexually abusive disaster for 5 years before I saw the light. My second was much better and my third even more so but I still massively struggle with these issues. It’s like a constant battle inside my own head. Logically, I know that what I’m thinking is insane and I am now much, much better at taking a breath and not actually telling my partner not to speak to people or questioning him and I would never invade his privacy again. But all that has changed is that I keep these issues inside my head, they don’t seem to have actually gone away. I try to stay away from my phone and have removed all options to see when he was last online. Deep down I really do trust him and I try to counter every illogical thought with a logical one.
What I am wondering is if this will ever go away or if it will always be a constant battle in my own head? I would do anything not to have these thoughts or feel like this.