To hate the phrase "alright for some"?

[coffeeforone]

When people use this phase, it always seems to be some kind of jealously/grass is greener thinking without considering both sides. It usually really winds me up. Examples:

Colleague talking about another colleague who has a full time nanny as their childcare option so doesn’t need to worry about nursery pickup. Said colleague uses a nanny as she works full time (and more) has a 3 year old and 11 month old twins.

About SAHPs or people taking additional maternity/parental leave, without considering the financial hit they’ve taken or that it might not always be the easier option

A home-owner friend about another friend who lives rent-free in a property owned by her parents (because she can’t afford a mortgage/deposit)

“Alright for some” – AIBU to be irrationally annoyed by this?

I think it depends on the tone it's said in really. I agree though, most times I've heard it, it's been in a snarky, passive aggressive way. Like, why do you get to go on holiday when I can't afford one myself, kind of tone-just bitterness.

On the other hand, I think it can be said it quite a playful manner too, so I think it definitely depends on the context.

I had a colleague like this, I reminded her she’s from the baby boomer generation. Free university, easy access to housing, bought their council homes so I said alright for some. She never said it again to me.

I tend to use it when the person who has 'the thing' is moaning about it, without realising they are actually quite fortunate to have it.

For example, my friend once complained about the £25k tax bill they needed to pay on her Husbands self employed earnings. Whilst the rest of us, don't even earn £25k in the first place.

Or the person whinging to me about child care, when they know I have fertility problems and can never have children.

The friend complaining she needed a new suitcase for her 3rd holiday this year, to my other friend who struggles to make ends meet.

That's when I use it and it's not jealousy!

Yes I find this irritating too

Thing is, we are all dealing with something. No one has a perfect life

Yabu. Sometimes it's a very fitting turn of phrase. To use an extreme example: Kate Middleton can spend her days having spa treatments should she so choose to or deciding to 'get a car' to ferry her children to school if she doesn't fancy driving them. The majority of working mothers can't do the same. Therefore it stands to reason... it's alright for some.

YABU - it’s excellent shorthand!

Agree it's often said with a nasty undertone.

I hate it. I have a colleague who is like this. It is definitely used as a negative and a dig.

Someone gets a new car 'alright for some' - actually her mother died and left an inheritance so she decided after years of running £500 bangers until they died that a new cheap end car would be worth spending some money on.

Someone moves house 'alright for some' - actually they are heavily mortgaged and will be working hard and worrying about job security for the next 25 years.

Someone brings decent biscuits into work 'alright for some' - come on now, you could have bought these if you really wanted.

It literally doesn't matter what people do or have this person trots out 'alright for some' when actually they could have exactly the same if they wanted to/tried/lost a rich parent

. The majority of working mothers can't do the same. Therefore it stands to reason... it's alright for some.

Some women can't have children - it's alright for some.

Some people can't work and have to live on benefits - it's alright for some.

Some people have debilitating illnesses - it's alright for some.

It's tiresome, irritating, pointless, and says a lot about the mentality of the person saying it.

There was a woman at work who used to trot out 'that's how the rich stay rich' at every opportunity.

Always related to anyone with a marginally better income than her exercising basic financial prudence.

YANBU, OP, it is passive aggressive and often used as a way of shaming others. I hate it. I have had it said to me when buying a luxury for myself, that I earned the money to pay for, I am fucked if am going to apologise to anyone for what I choose to do with my money! Also hate the Irish phrase, "It was far from it you were reared." Makes my blood boil.

@FiddlesticksAkimbo all your listed examples are non-sequiturs

Ok...we disagree but your examples don't follow logically.

Hi Vladimir,

They were all intended to be examples of why the poor its-alright-for-some working mothers complaining about Kate Middleton are in fact living a life of unbridled luxury and opportunity compared to many!

Equally Kate Middleton could be having an it's-alright-for-some moan about how much more comfortable the Queen is, or how fortunate disabled pensioners are, able to watch daytime TV without having to open supermarkets.

Frankly, just stop fucking moaning, is my heartless motto

Frankly, just stop fucking moaning, is my heartless motto

We do agree on this. I'd rather someone work on improving their lot than sit back and moan about the perceived privileges of others. But I still think in certain circumstances it's acceptable. E.g during the Tory leadership campaign a couple of candidates discussing how they smoked week or did cocaine at uni or whatever. But there is a certain category of young'uns who were caught and ended up in jail with their entire lives ruined as they weren't born into a life of privilege. So in many respects it was certainly alright for some to dabble in drugs as they clearly 'failed upwards' and didn't impact their lives.

*weed.

I think it's fitting sometimes - if someone is moaning about something they really should be grateful for - the example of the £25k tax bill, above, is an excellent case. Or, if someone is stealth-boasting. Or, if someone is openly boasting about something in a way intended to make others feel down about their lot - the sort of person who always has to go one better.

It's not OK if someone is innocently talking about their life.

Ok, I agree a 25k tax bill problem is not going to gain much sympathy from anyone. The type of person who complains about that to a friend who earns much less probably deserves to be hit with the phrase.

Just in my experience, it could still be said in a snarky manner without the whole picture taken into account. How hard has the person worked to earn enough to pay £25k in tax, do they deserve to earn that much? Not that they should be complaining about it though!

It’s a bit of a running joke in our family. My (Not very)DGrandfather says it constantly. He’s a miserable old bastard.

The most ridiculous use of the phrase I have seen was here on Mumsnet.

It was about some sort of 10 quid bonus people on disability benefits got.

Yep, you read that right. Some miserable sod begrudged disabled people a tenner.

It’s a bit of a running joke in our family. My (Not very)DGrandfather says it constantly. He’s a miserable old bastard.

I know someone like this. You're completely disincentivised from talking to them, or if you do, from mentioning anything positive, because it will just provoke more self-pitying, poor-me, it's-alright-for-some bollocks! They seem to enjoy wallowing in a pervasive miasma of negativity, so I'm inclined to leave them there, and not let them disrupt my attempts to be happy.

I think when I say it it's more of a jokey way. (like banter.)