Please talk to me about coffee!! And herbs! And everything else I’m clueless about.

[Hiphopopotamus]

And I can start by admitting that I am being unreasonable because I’m totally misusing Aibu for traffic.

Please help and advise! I’m pregnant. It’s super early - according to the way you do your dates from your last period I’m 4+3 weeks (which seems ridiculous to me because I know I conceived two and a half weeks ago) But I guess that’s how it’s done?

The baby is a surprise - not a bad one, my DH and I are in a stable situation but we were ideally going to wait about another year before TTC. But we’re both happy and planning to go ahead with the pregnancy.

But because it was a surprise I’m totally and absolutely clueless about everything. I’ve done no reading or preparation (and I’m a person who like to be prepared) and I have no idea what to do next. I’ve made a GP appointment for next week, but because I kept seeing about people self referring to midwives I’ve also filled in a great long self referral form for a maternity unit. It’s not the one closest to me but it’s one I trust, but I don’t know if that’s ok - do you get a choice or do you just have to go with your closest? Do I still need to see the GP? How does this whole thing work?

I’m also stressing about what to eat. I’m an absolute caffeine addict. I drink what my DH refers to as ‘rocket fuel coffee’ in the mornings, plus loads of green tea throughout the day. Since finding out I’m pregnant a few days ago, I’ve drastically cut down 1 switched to one or two non rocket fuel coffees, and no caffeinated tea - I’ve been having fruit and peppermint teas instead. But then I’ve also been reading that you shouldn’t have too much herbal tea, and then I stumbled along a site that had a great long list of herbs you shouldn’t have in pregnancy, many of which are just everyday ones! I panicked yesterday because I ate some olives that had parsley in them and then read that parsley can induce a miscarriage.

So as you can tell, I’m tying myself up in knots about everything. I want to do everything right and I’m worried I don’t know how to. I’m also worried I’m getting too invested in this pregnancy too early, as it’s early days and anything can happen. So please come and talk some sense into me!

I drank caffeinated tea all through my pregnancy and definitely didn't avoid any herbs. The only things to avoid are unpasteurised cheese, undercooked meat like rare steak and shellfish. Congratulations on your pregnant!

First pregnancy I didn’t find out I was pregnant until about 12 weeks so before that I drank SO much coffee and tea (sounds like my coffee habit is like yours!) and also have a fair few gin and tonics as I was on holiday too! And ate whatever I wanted... oops! Anyway it was fine.

Second pregnancy my doctor told me that coffee should be less than two cups in the first trimester because there’s some evidence (although not conclusive) that caffeine can cause miscarriage in the first trimester, so I drank one or two cups a day. The doctor did also mention that if you have a bit of a ‘habit’ then it’s better to continue to drink a small amount then to cut it out altogether because caffeine withdrawal is really hard on your body and probably more risky than just having a couple of coffees each day. Just don’t buy from coffee shops as they are much stronger and you could be having the equivalent of several cups when you think you’ve just had one!

After the first trimester I drank about two cups a day. I also drank caffeinated tea. I didn’t avoid any food except undercooked meat and shellfish, and cold deli meats (salami etc although was advised it was fine to eat these hot). I avoided aubergine and papaya because in my husbands home country women apparently use this to induce miscarriage when they don’t want to continue with a pregnancy apparently they can both cause miscarriage or early Labour depending on the stage of pregnancy but I’m sure a little bit is fine! I’m not really mad on either so cut them out just to be safe.

Didn’t avoid any spices or anything else at all! Found out afterwards that that say you should avoid runny eggs but I ate heaps, one of my biggest cravings.

Please don't panic- women have been successfully having babies since long before the NHS has been doling out advice.

Cut back a bit on coffee- I found it easiest to mix decaf and normal together in gradually shifting quantities, so I didn't get a withdrawal headache.

Avoid soft cheeses, raw fish and meats.

Don't smoke and don't get bladdered. Unless you already did because you didn't know you were .

Dont panic OP

Have you had a look at the NHS website? I think you can have 200mg caffeine a day or something, I think that's one coffee brewed at home or 4 green teas. You might find you go off it in a couple of weeks anyway.

Herbs- you can stick to any that you naturally eat. So you can have say a lemon and ginger herbal tea (I'd make it myself) though not loads as apparently ginger if you eat loads can do something to your bloodfoow. I would avoid anything that has a medical effect that isn't a whole food you would normally have, eg teas that have ginseng, camomile, st John's wort etc and raspberry leaf is said to induce labour. Most of the things like raspberry leaf you would have to drink a lot of it to have any effect. Eg some people avoid tonic because of the quinine which can have an effect on the baby but youd need to drink quite a few litres of tonic for any effect to happen- you wouldn't be able to manage it.

Avoid pâté, undercooked meat and fish (including cured meat and fish eg Parma ham and smoked salmon), unpasteurized and blue cheese (you can have these cooked though), raw seafood. The NHS advice has recently changed and you're now allowed runny eggs if they are in the UK and stamped (eg dont buy from a farm)

And congratulations

You would have to consume a massive amount of parsley to cause a miscarriage. In fact, if you ate the quantity of parsley required to cause miscarriage, you would probably also die yourself. It would be waaaaaaaay more than you could eat even if you were munching your way through parsley by the bag, let alone sprinkled on some olives.

If ordinary cooking herbs could bring on a miscarriage in the quantity you can eat them in, they wouldn’t be for sale to the general public in supermarkets.

Thanks guys - I know I’m unnecessarily panicking. I’m probably projecting a bit of my panic as this is an unplanned (yet still wanted) pregnancy, so I’m panicking about the unplanned part, and panicking that I’m going to get attached to this pregnancy just to lose it.

I can suggest you coffee that tastes like rocketfuel but is decaff, if that'll help? The decaffeinated Colombian from redmonkeycoffee.co.uk - I've been buying it for a decade now, it's amazing. No-one I've ever fed it to has guessed it's decaff.

Ooh thanks for the tip - maybe I could make my usual coffee (I use a stovetop percolator so it makes a strong espresso) with mostly that, and a spoonful of real stuff just to stop me dying of withdrawal?

Does anyone have any advice about the whole GP thing, whether I need the appointment, whether I can pick my own midwife place? I’m in the London area if that helps

I'd ring and ask the receptionist. Generally, different areas and even surgeries can have different processes. There will be time to get down to details, the choosing bits are later in the pregnancy!

If a normal amount of parsley caused miscarriages, no one would have a baby! You really need to relax! Congratulations!

If any food caused miscarriage desperate people would be eating that instead of getting back street abortions/flying to England from Ireland etc. So breathe!

Read "Expecting Better" by Emily Ostler. It examines these food myths.

Even the food mentioned above here as food to avoid are not likely to trigger a mc, they are simply foods more likely to carry a (vanishingly small) risk of food poisoning. However hygiene standards of food in the UK is of a much higher level than USA for example. So there is no way a rare steak that you get in a restaurant will give you food poisoning. Or cured meats. Raw fish from a well known well run sushi bar will be fine. Raw fish from a street seller in Thailand, not so much.

My friends all avoid goats cheese. Goats cheese in restaurants is all pasteurized abd probably also cooked through depending on the recipe. And unpasteurized goats cheese is artisan and extremely high quality so again, will not give you food poisoning.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, please continue to enjoy your food. Emily Ostler discusses coffee, I can't remember the recommendation but again, if excess coffee caused mc desperate women would be knocking back 10 double espressos, problem solved.

I don't mean to come across as flippant but I really hate the policing of women and the scaremongering around everything we do in pregnancy

It’s not flippant at all - it’s really helpful. It’s just good to talk all my irrational fears through with people

I agree with June, actually. I mainly followed the dietary advice because listeria was relatively recently recognised as a problem, and I needed to reassure myself I was doing everything 'right'.

Realistically, as June says, even the problem foods are only problematic in large quantities or badly stored/prepared. 'Moderation' probably covers most things- not too much of any one thing in particular.

And enjoy your food while you can. Sickness struck me down throughout both my pregnancies and I mainly lived on milk (which I usually detest) so dietary guidelines were irrelevant!!

The NHS website has loads of info, start there.
My GP didn't want to see me, I just rang and spoke to reception and they told me to pop in and collect some info, which had info about the midwife service in the area and told me what to do. You shouldn't need to be referring yourself anywhere as far as I know!