Not sure where to start. I had my son in 2004, my husband and I broke up shortly after due to him having an affair and my constant bond with my new baby. I left the family home with our son and moved back to my parents.
I had to face many upsets....Mum had a severe asthma attack in 2005 and ended up in ICU. After being told it was 50/50 (my son was poorly at the time, diarrhoea, bug) she recovered.
While bringing my son up she had to have a knee replacement and my dad had a collapsed lung.... both traumatic as both have underling illnesses.
Fast forward, my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2013. Although it was thought of as bowel cancer.
I lost my mum in 2016. My father has been suffering as have I. We both tried to carry on but the flash backs were/are too much to bear. It was something that we were never supported with, never was explained and not what we expected to witness.
My son supported me throughout (he started secondary school the day she passed).
Continuing from that, it’s been a slippery slope. Anger, PTSD from both dad and I has slowly taken hold. I supported dad continuously but neglected myself. I wasn’t there when mum took her final breath, my dad was.......I was getting my son ready for his first day at secondary school.
During this, I’ve had constant very heavy periods, migraines, nausea and a Mirena coil fitted to help with these. I also take Fluoxetine and Propranolol to help with depression and anxiety.
I thought I was coping since mum died but my thoughts are always at what happens if I lose dad through this heartache and my son was always supportive.
Since last year I haven’t felt myself. I feel emotional, angry, sick and I have pushed everyone away.
My dad has been abusive (drinking) and needs help but doctors.....from the beginning, left us to deal with all this. Dad should never have witnessed what he saw when mum passed.
Last week, I lost my son.... he filmed my dad and I at our worst and has been taken away by his father due to our grief. His father has not been supportive since mums passing and he continues to break me daily with picking up items, packing my sons bags and now wanting to take money from accounts I paid into for my son since birth.
Since last year I’ve been going through the peri menopause stage. I witnessed my mum go through it at 35, I’m 41. It was a very stressful time....she gave me hell.
I’m absolutely broken that I could/have put my son through this. I’m awaiting treatment but all I want is my son home. I’m now feeling constant heartbreak when all I need is help. My son has not been in touch and it’s not like him.
I’ve an appointment at the doctors this week xx