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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relationship issues

8 replies

MrsR1731 · 18/09/2019 01:44

Hi, am new to this and would appreciate the viewpoint of others (sometimes easier than speaking to people you know). I have 12 week old twins and since their birth I feel my husband & others have behaved badly towards me. These are my first. Husband has 2 daughters in their 20s from his first marriage. They have a teenage half sister as their mum had remarried before I met their father. I had a c section and twin 2 was in special care for a while. I was in hospital for a week with twin 1. His family contacted him about visiting me. I told him their visits were too much but he continued to arrange for them to visit and I also told them when they visited. His dad would repeatedly tell me my stomach was still fat. Both he and his wife would make comments about my thighs and general weight throughout the pregnancy. I then went home with twin 1. The house was in a state and I found messages husband had sent to his friends joking about the washing up he'd left for me. When I asked him to drive me to hospital to visit twin 2 he would swear at me and be moody, often only allowing me 30 mins visit. The last visit was cut short as he had promised to take pics at a party for his daughters half sister. I have since seen messages from his daughters, parents and ex in laws reminding him to do this. Bearing in mind our situation I was angry he had done this and that they had asked and then reminded him. I have since found out that his daughters have set up a WhatsApp group to share pics of the twins with their half sister and my husband. I said I felt left out and I was told I was being stupid. My husband did very little to help me around the house or with the twins. He would often show me exercise programmes that I should be doing. When I reminded him of my c section he would roll his eyes or get angry. He refused to go to or take me to the shop to get food and nappies and I had to drive myself after two weeks. He wouldn't even help me unload when I got back. I have lost a bit of baby weight (some still there) so his parents call me fat anymore so they have now taken to callong my twins fat. I have told them not to but they continue. They also maintained a relationship with the ex and her family. They expect me to allow my twins to be part of that family and call them aunts ans uncles even though I have had nothing to do with them for the 12 years I've been with my husband. My husband also thinks I should do this - he has had almost no contact with them in this time. I feel he is doing this to please his parents. He has now taken to criticising me on a daily basis even if its about the type of bottle lid I use and being aggressive in his tone with me. I was wondering whether anyone else has been in this situation and what advice you could give. I have tried talking to him but he either tells me to let things go or that I am mental. I am exhausted by his behaviour more than looking after my twins. Even if someone thinks my reactions are hormonal any advice how to deal with that aspect would be appreciated.

OP posts:
roseunicornblower · 18/09/2019 01:53

You take the twins and leave. Do you have anywhere you can go?

AllModra · 18/09/2019 02:03

Jeezus Christ. What was it all like before pregnancy etc? They ALL sound awful. Put your description of your DH with the silent treatment DH I just read about, and that's my ex. Couldn't get away from him fast enough once I had an escape route. How dare he, and they!!!

Neveam · 18/09/2019 02:04

What rose said.

He sounds like a right dick. His family have also treated you completely unfairly.

I can't believe he'd rather do some mundane task for his family than visit his baby in hosp! He should have told them no, my family needs me right now.

Also if you haven't consented to pics of YOUR children being shared on a whatapp group then it shouldn't have been started. The least they can do is add you too even just to see the pics of your twins they're sharing.

MrsR1731 · 18/09/2019 02:35

Thanks for your replies. It gets to a point where you think you are the one being unreasonable. I certainly don't want my boys to grow up thinking this is how you treat people. To be honest it was a bit crap before but it has increased 10 fold towards the end of the pregnancy. I don't have anywhere to go but I have recently been thinking about leaving but wanted some impartial views to make sure it was not me.

OP posts:
Bobthefishermanswife · 18/09/2019 02:48

Oh @MrsR1731, this is not the life you should be living. You deserve to be treated so much better than this! And your babies need a happy healthy mummy, your husband and his family are not allowing this.
You don't mention your family at all, are they in the picture and can they help you?

Actionhasmagic · 18/09/2019 06:47

They all sound awful. You deserve a better life

Newmumma83 · 18/09/2019 06:58

You currently have 3 children, your husband is an arse.
Next time he calls you mental call him mental , mental if he thinks being a bullying arse is exceptable and you
Wish he would tell you his actual issue with you rather then just waste his energy and your time by being an arse.

It takes 9 months to grow a child ... if he wants you to do exercises ( if you want to ) he takes the twins off your hands and he behaves like an actually grown up
And picks up his own shit and cleans up ... being a man child is not attractive.

Your choice is to confront and work on it or if you think actually this is who he is and he won’t change be sneaky and get your ducks in a row and run ( or boot him out you have kids ) x

MsFrosty · 18/09/2019 07:01

Take the kids and get out. He is an arse and will never change

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