Feel emotionally and physically drained

[WhyWhyWhy2019]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is me ranting but i just needed a release. I am so exhausted. I feel really low and quiet pathetic to write this but so much has changed in my life since my pregnancy. LO is an angel. 10 months old and slept through the night since 3 months. Eats well and is a easy baby so its not that he is exhausting me. Its like everything is hard work. I think the bottom line is i just feel after baby was born, DH life has carried on without me. He is consumed by work, gym, house renovation, social life etc. N when he is home, he is on his phone or busy. We have no conversation apart from me asking him about his day. We used to go out 2/3 times a week, chat and laugh lots etc. Now nothing. I wish i didnt care. I have joined the gym n tried to be more socially active myself. Bit hard with LO but anyway. Im probably overthinking it. I tried to tell DH. He said i have too much time on my hands.

It's totally normal and usual for you to be in this situation and feel how you do. It is so hard maintaining your grown up relationship when your primary focus (quite rightly) is your dc.
If he's anything like my dh, hints or suggestions won't work so I suggest organising some childcare (relative/nursery/childminder/anything!) and organise something you'll both enjoy that's away from phones/tv/distractions, where you can just enjoy being together again.
Since our dd was born 2.5 years ago, we've:

• been out for brunch
• been out for coffee
• been canoeing
• walked around the shops

That's it! Life is made up of moments, every minute that you spend doing something you enjoy, with someone you care about, makes a huge difference.

If dh isn't interested, can he watch dc so you can see friends? I've met pre-baby friends (although we're all now mums) for the odd drink of an evening and it's definitely helped my mental wellbeing.

Hi

Thanks for replying. Its turning into one of them weepy nights for me. So annoyed at myself for feeling so weak.
I have been out with friends which was great. But my sadness comes from the change in my relationship with DH. I have told him straight how i feel. But i just dont think he can be bothered. We have plenty of babysitters available. So thats not an issue. And last two times we went out, it was horrible. First for coffee where we argued over childcare for when i go back to work and then for a meal where he was snappy for no apparent reason.

Blimey he doesn't sound at all supportive. Some men just don't get how hard the life style change is when you have a baby who's needs consume you and a husband whose life is apparently unchanged. Look after yourself, get fit, go out and meet friends, just go for walks, try a new hobby, go to the cinema, get your hair done - just things for yourself instead for him and the LO. I bet he'd be a bit surprised if you became less reliant on him and more confident at the same time. Sorry you are having a rough time OP

Hi
Its not been easy. I have suffered with ill health. Mobility issues plus i lost my car due to ill health too. So its not been easy.
I really have tried to do my own thing as much as i can but its not easy. I did send DH a text last night and explained how i felt in a few words. Anyway i think i have made some progress. He is being much nicer but its day one only. I never knew having a baby could change things like this. I am thankful for my LO but didnt expect this.

It is tough but in my experience, every day got a little easier. Don't expect too much of yourself. Have days where you just sit and read together with LO, just sing and clap hands, walk in the sunshine, feed the ducks (is that still allowed?). Days without expectations are usually good days. One can't possibly expect to carry as before with a baby in tow. Something has to give. Try and enjoy the simple things and be gentle with yourself.