"So we should treat boys and girls the same."
No I disagree. Equal and the same aren't interchangeable.
The fact is we live in a patriarchal, misogynistic society there's no escaping that fact and we need to raise our children - of both sexes to survive and hopefully thrive DESPITE that. It doesn't only harm girls (though it's arguably more obvious the harm there) it harms us all.
They are connected but separate subjects really.
Raising a child gender neutral
Not something I personally agree with. There ARE differences between boys and girls, we should be able to celebrate those differences WITHOUT reinforcing unhealthy stereotypes. I raised dd that she could "be" a cowboy one day and a fairy princess the next, she had dolls and prams, she also had trains and cars and toy motorbikes (she was motorbike daft at one point). She wore clothes from newborn that were "boys" clothed and even now at 18 and relatively "girly" in personality she wears "boys" jeans, hoodies and trainers as well as ridiculously short skirts and dresses and heels (on occasion - she has a disability so very much special occasions only) But she also had long hair as was/is her preference. She is very into make up and is very skilled at applying, does all that contouring stuff but she also happily does friend make up for them including on male friends who are into it. She has friends that are gay, straight, bi, trans and treats them all well. There's very much a tendency now towards "gender neutral" actually meaning masculine! We see it on mn! Posters happily declaring their sons are allowed to dress up as princesses or their daughters as knights BUT a girl being allowed to indulge her feminine side is frowned upon! This isn't progress it's regression! It's saying girls and women only have value if they dress/act in masculine ways. Instead we should be saying "be who you want to be (as long as you're not harming others)" if you want to be a "tomboy" crack on, if you want to be a boy that wears pink and lipstick - have at it! And if you want to be a "girly girl" THAT is ok too.
Sam smith - sigh - seems a troubled soul to be honest. I personally think he would hugely benefit from a break from public life and social media and going on a mental health retreat. Somewhere quiet and peaceful where his fame isn't an issue and he can get the rest and UNBIASED therapy he clearly seems to need. And I don't say that flippantly at all, I suffer from serious MH issues myself and he really comes across as someone suffering probably (because I don't know him personally and am not a MH professional) from depression, anxiety and very low self esteem. So that he can maybe accept himself better and not be desperately trying to find an identity that OTHERS deem he fits into. There's nothing wrong with being a man with feminine traits, there's nothing wrong with being gay (I do feel as many do that a lot of trans ideology is about erasing both homosexuality and women) there is nothing wrong with wearing whatever the hell clothes you want (providing you don't frighten the neighbours). And I really feel that he doesn't believe that or at least doesn't believe it applies to him, as if he doesn't think he's allowed to be different.
The stem trip. As I said at the beginning of this post the REALITY is we still live in a misogynistic society. Girls and women are STILL not paid the same, not given the same promotions, not given the same support and opportunities at work, not expected to understand "difficult" subjects like maths and science and technology. We have SUCH a long way to go before we're even CLOSE to equality in the workplace and we DO need to provide girls and women with certain extra help to address those inequalities. The FACT is that girls and women still aren't considering stem careers as realistic possible careers for them.
In addition (an example of the harm to boys too) we also (societally) still think less of a male who has an aptitude for/interest in "traditionally female" subjects - MFL and English literature for example. I put "traditionally female" in quotes because actually certainly in literature in the past it was also a male dominated career. Look at how female writers in the past had to adopt "male" nom de plume and employ subterfuge just to get published! But it's since become seen as a "female" subject - and since that's happened it's become devalued too.
The same happens in jobs, the more women qualify and begin practicing in a role - even professions - the less valued that role becomes.
I don't think it's so confusing. I think it's complex and a topic that has great depth and many facets, but anyone with a modicum of common sense can surely see that raising and supporting our children to be happy in their own skins - whatever that skin is - is what's important.
But that also acknowledging the facts of our reality - which are that women and girls and indeed anyone outside the privileged markers of our society (male, white, wealth, Protestant) is under valued and so almost automatically disadvantaged is necessary to prepare them for society.
I think assertiveness is a HUGELY undervalued skill and good self esteem a massively undervalued attribute.