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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to not use a birthday gift voucher?

46 replies

Patnotpending · 17/09/2019 17:07

I had a significant birthday last year and a friend gave me a gift voucher for a boat trip that departs from a little harbour about a three hour drive from my home. It was the very end of the trip company's season – they shut for six months of the year – and I put it away and forgot about it.

In late June I remembered it but for various reasons – our own holidays, guests staying with us, poor weather when we were available, sick dog, elderly parents – we just haven't managed to get around to using it over the summer. I've tried booking several times but haven't been able to get a suitable time slot. On one occasion earlier this month I booked but the sailing was cancelled because of a gale.

The friend who gave me the voucher knows it's due to expire in a few weeks and has been asking when we're going because she wants pictures of us having a good time. I've just tried booking for Thursday but the only time available is the earliest sailing, which would require us to travel down the night before and stay somewhere.

I've reserved places for next week but they're weather dependant and when I mentioned this to my friend she told me off for not using the voucher earlier in the year. She wanted to know why my partner and I weren't prepared to stay overnight in the village near the harbour so that we could catch the early boat this Thursday and I had to bite my tongue. Why should we travel for six hours and spend £100+ on a hotel so that we can use the voucher she gave us (which is worth £36) for a trip we didn't choose? And it'll be ruddy cold out at sea at 10am at this time of year.

The whole thing is getting out of hand. Surely when you give someone a gift it's up to them what they do with it and you don't badger them? I'm beginning to think vouchers are a very bad idea.

OP posts:
NoHummus · 17/09/2019 17:18

This is why I don't like getting vouchers as a gift, it puts a lot of pressure on the recipient. Ordinarily I think not using vouchers is a waste, but under these circumstances I think YANBU. It sounds as though you've done your best to try and use it. I wouldn't want to pay to stay in a hotel either.
I take it your friend has already been on this boat trip and loved it? Either way, she might like a voucher, provided she has a clear diary for the next few weeks! Wink

Cakeisbest · 17/09/2019 17:18

Tell her you gave the voucher to a family member to use as they were really keen on boats, and so sorry but they didn’t take any photos. Or say you went on a rough day and felt so seasick you didn’t think to take any photos.

Snowfalling · 17/09/2019 17:19

Yanbu, if it were me, I would be messagung her to say what you have said here, that you feel she was rude to you, you don't wish to spend 100 pounds to stay over, gifts should be given without any expectations, whether in kind or the expectation that they be used.

Also, the harbour is a 3 hour drive away... I would be annoyed at such a 'gift'.

Chocolatemouse84 · 17/09/2019 17:20

Is it something that you had previously said you wanted to do? Seems really odd to buy someone something that was a 3 hour drive from their hike unless it was something they were desperate to do.

Yanbu. I can understand why she feels a bit peeved that her money was wasted but realistically, it's not the most practical present

Rocketmanager · 17/09/2019 17:21

I wouldn’t use it and I wouldn’t feel bad. It’s not as though you’ve chucked it away. You have tried and it was cancelled.
Don’t bite your tongue, tell her straight you aren’t prepared to spend £100+ to redeem her £36 gift

Wynston · 17/09/2019 17:25

Could you ask the company for an extension on the vouchers??
Failing that id stick them on social media and hope someone could make use of them???

theonlyusernameavailable · 17/09/2019 17:27

YANBU. Don't bother trying to rebook it now. A 6 hour round trip is far too much of her to ask of you. She's being a CF to expect you to also pay to stay in a hotel the night before just to catch an early sail. Tell her you've tried numerous times to use it since she have it to you but matters out of your control meant it was cancelled by them. It's not as though you couldn't be bothered to even try to use it. You could offer it back to her in a nice way to use since it'll expire anyway but she may take offence at that.

theonlyusernameavailable · 17/09/2019 17:29

Good idea of Wynston's! If she's going to be that much of a horror about it then offer it for free to someone but you could add that they must take a few photos to send to you and you can pretend that you were there and used it.

Millie2016 · 17/09/2019 17:30

If this wasn’t something you asked for then YANBU.
If you asked for the boat trip and didn’t use it then YABU.

Nonnymum · 17/09/2019 17:43

If the trip is delayed because of weather and you have tried to book it usually the companies give you an extension. This happened to a friend of mine with a hit air balloon trip. She did eventually go but it was cancelled several times and extended a couple of times too. If you can't get an extension just don't go. It would be ridiculous to pay to stay in a hotel if you don't want to.

Sunflower20 · 17/09/2019 17:47

Why does she care so much? it's a bit weird.
YANBU

dollydaydream114 · 17/09/2019 18:02

YANBU and it’s really tactless of your friend to go on about it. ‘Experience’ gifts can be great but not if it’s going to inconvenience the person you’re giving them too.

Katex888 · 17/09/2019 18:15

Do you know how to use photoshop? Edit your face and your DP on a boat in sea, say thanks xx if she questions anything deny it with all your might

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 17/09/2019 18:20

I think it might be technically illegal for businesses to set expiry dates for gift vouchers, (Dont quote me on that!) so you might be able to use it next season.

What a "gift" of an obligation to spend £100 Hmm

Loopytiles · 17/09/2019 18:23

YANBU, friend is BU.

Original poster
Patnotpending · 17/09/2019 18:36

Thanks, that leaves me feeling less guilty and stupid.

The place the boat goes from is somewhere where, in previous years, we've stayed in our camper van and it wasn't ridiculous of her to assume we'd go back there and enjoy and use the tickets this year. Unfortunately we got rid of the camper van last winter and haven't replaced it and haven't been back there this year. She didn't know we were selling the van so her gift made sense at the time.

I didn't ask for the tickets and can't recall ever saying I'd like to go on this trip. It's something my friend has done and enjoyed and thought we'd enjoy and in the right circumstances we would. I've asked whether the company would extend the voucher as actually it only covers a six-month period but they've said no. I'm sad not to be able to use it and my fingers are crossed for next week's booking, but the hassle is threatening to outweigh the pleasure.

This has certainly put me off vouchers as gifts.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 17/09/2019 18:42

Even though i totally see your sideI can see what her aibu would be too!!! She bought it out of good intentions but there are always people who say'have you used it yet?' When they give a present, or why want to revel in their good deed. I think she lost the plot a bit (giving out over a present seems counter intuitive!!!) but it was probably just that she really wanted you to adore her gift. If you can contact it and get it extended so you could use it in the future, do, if not, try not give it away or fake pictures etc, I honestly th i nk her heart was in the right place

MarigoldGlove · 17/09/2019 18:42

She’s definitely planning on murdering you! When you get there there will be an old sea captain. His beard will be suspicious.He will tell you that none of the other passengers have turned up because the sea is rough. He will tell you to be careful on the deck as it’s slippy. Then.......

Don’t go. And next year when she gets you a knife throwing experience, don’t do that either.

Hey1256 · 17/09/2019 18:45

Vouchers are a VERY bad idea. I have a friend I have one too and she's let it expire, I badgered her a few times and then she hasn't mentioned it since and the date on it has expired.

I find it disrespectful at its worst, seriously I'm sooooo angry about it.

It was £70, do you realise how long it takes me to earn £70 Effin pounds?

If she didn't want it give it back.

Sorry but it's honestly one of the most upsetting things a friend has ever done to me

popehilarious · 17/09/2019 18:46

Honestly, I'd just say you tried to book repeatedly but it kept getting cancelled due to weather etc, and that it was really only valid for the 6 months they were open. Don't do it out of obligation! You could say you gave it to someone, or can you offer it for sale on their social media etc?

popehilarious · 17/09/2019 18:48

hey What was your voucher for?

popehilarious · 17/09/2019 18:50

An alternative to giving vouchers is to make up your own fake voucher and include with it a cheque for the amount it would cost. That way they've got no obligation to use it but the idea and sentiment is there. Eg "a voucher for a meal out at a restaurant of your choosing" and a cheque for £50 or whatever.

Herocomplex · 17/09/2019 18:53

I’ve just done the same, don’t feel great about it either. I’m actually going to do the thing anyway and pay for it myself, so I don’t feel so bad.

beanaseireann · 17/09/2019 18:58

A friend got me a Christmas voucher for a Shellac.
When I went to use it, it had expired. Sad
The manicurist wouldnt honour it.
It had validation for 3 months only.
I won't go back. They've lost my business.

Hey1256 · 17/09/2019 19:00

@popehilarious it was one of those vouchers you can use for experiences - it covered a lot, spa days, dinners etc etc.