Social anxiety - worried about passing it on to my child

[wondering7777]

I'm pregnant with my first child and DH and I are really excited.

However, for as long as I can remember I've suffered from extreme shyness and social anxiety. I've always found it incredibly difficult to talk to people and make friends. DH on the other hand is very outgoing and sociable.

I was wondering how much of social anxiety is genetic - is it likely that my child will suffer from social anxiety in the same way as I do? Or if it's more to do with nurture rather than nature, is there anything I'll be able to do when they're young to alleviate it?

I'm just hoping they take after DH in this respect and not me, as it's made my life really difficult in many ways and has held me back. I wouldn't want my child to have to go through the same.

You have got together with DH and built a relationship so you have clearly overcome some of your natural anxiety and shyness. Think about how and when you did that and encourage your children the same way.

I think that understanding basic manners and instilling them is important to help children in the beginning. Doesn't mean they'll be leaping into a room full of strangers at a cocktail party in their 20s, but gives them at least a baseline of confidence.

I was fairly socially anxious pre-dd and you wouldn’t know it - I concentrated on going to the same groups etc with her week after week and slowly made friends, and actually I think if you looked at me now you’d think I was socially comfortable. DD has gotten used to being around lots of people of all ages.

I think the best way to give your child a boost socially is to have a good relationship with them yourself. Babies learn first and foremost about relationships from their primary caregiver(s). So if you are responsive (not that you need to be perfect), enjoy their company, talk with them and play with them, they’ll learn that relationships are a happy thing, a source of comfort, fun, pleasure, etc. They will then want to seek out other relationships as they grow - usually 3 is around the age they start making little friends. They can before that, but it seems that developmentally they start relating to other children at that age, but then it really takes off at age 4 or 5.
So if you spend time with your child reading, playing, listening, talking - not every waking moment, of course - I’m sure they’ll be just fine. They’re born with their own little personality. Both my kids love making friends but one of them is very extroverted, has lots of friends and the other is quieter, more imaginative and has a small number of close friends.
I have always been happy to see them, always listen to their chat, always tell them when they’re being funny or interesting. I am quite shy and find it very hard to make friends. I wasn’t close to my family at all. But I am close to my kids and I pay attention to who they are as people. That to me is what’s most important. I wouldn’t worry if I were you.

I think the best way to give your child a boost socially is to have a good relationship with them yourself.

I'm wondering if there's any more to it - just because I had a good relationship with my parents and still suffer from crippling anxiety.