Our child new to school (yr2) throw birthday party?

[Rflowerco]

Hiya all,
We are really fortunate after an ongoing issue at our eldest’s school that a place has become available at a new school. As an in-year transfer to begin in year 2.
He has settled well into the school so far but is struggling to remember children’s names and have the confidence to interact with children in the playground (due to experiences at his past school).
He has spoke about feeling lonely in the new playground and not having much success when trying to play along with others.
It will be his birthday in a couple weeks time and I have asked DH what he thinks about throwing a party just over a months time as an opportunity for him to socialise with the other children in his class in an outside school environment and perhaps it will give him more confidence to play back at school.
It has been on my mind that by year 2/3 a lot of friendship groups are usually formed and it is daunting to try and approach them himself. We have tried to strike up conversation with parents in the playground but most drop off and go and it’s usually a quick hello/bye. It’s difficult to know who he is getting on with when he cannot remember the faces/names.
DH is worried that most children/parents won’t turn up because he is new to the class and school.
But I would invite the whole class and hope to find a really fun children’s entertainment for everyone to enjoy. There would also be family and a few old friends of his.
I would also say that if it was the other way around, it wouldn’t put me off taking our child to a party of a new class pupil and would think of it as a kind thing to do?
Any thoughts would be really appreciated thanks

I think if you can comfortably afford it that sounds a lovely idea, might even give you a chance to chat to some other parents too.

Hi Musical - thank you for your words and for taking the time to reply. I do hope it would give us the chance to too :)

Do it. And on the invite say parents are welcome to stay and ply them with shedloads of tea and biscuits so you get a chance to meet people too.

I would say my ds started year 3 in a primary so established classes. Yes it's tough. But actually I've found most children are actually very kind and involve him. If you're worried maybe have a chat with the teacher to see how he's settling?

But give it time. It's only been a few weeks. I'm sure he'll feel more settled soon

I think it's tricky. Large all-class parties are actually not a great time to establish friendships between children, or even put faces to names: it will be a chaotic, noisy few hours, and then you'll be mopping up and it's possible nothing much will have changed. You may find most of the parents will drop off (especially if you have entertainment) so there's little more than the same hello/goodbye dynamic, not a chance to get to know anyone.

I would concentrate on establishing relationships with a few other families, getting someone over for a playdate or arranging a meet-up in a park, or offering to share pick-up for clubs. It may be quite stilted and awkward, but it's a start. At that age, friendship groups have formed but they're still very flexible. Is there a parent WhatsApp group?

I would also expect the school to help manage a new pupil's social transition, so it might be worth having a word with the teacher, especially if DS has had negative experiences elsewhere.

If your son would really enjoy a big party (and they're overwhelming for some kids) and you don't mind organising one, then I'm sure it would be fun. But keep expectations low. Children that age seem to enjoy parties then immediately forget them. It's not like going on a big night out with colleagues, and bonding, and everyone talking about it afterwards. DD (also year 2) recently went to a party where the birthday child didn't even attend, due to sudden non-serious-but-unfortunately-timed illness, and they all just partied on regardless and sang happy birthday to his sibling. They're not callous kids: it was just another weekend, another party, and they all know the drill.

I think it's a good idea to invite the whole class.
For my ds we are inviting a group of kids he will have only known for a few weeks. I always think even if only half of them turn up it would be fine. But we always end up with only a few no's and way more kids than we thought!

Sounds like a perfect was for him to start making friends. As a parent I would definitely encourage my kids to go to a party for any new member of their class

I would definitely bring my son if he got an invitation like that. I agree with the WhatsApp thing too, it's a good way of picking up numbers.

Running - thank you for the lovely words
aargh - thanks for the reply, we agree with a lot of the points raised and it is an area to weigh up
Whatto - thank you and we are wondering how to predict numbers if we don’t know anyone well!
Chello, pascha - thank you both for some lovely feedback and advice, it has given us some renewed confidence ✨

Excellent idea. Go for it. I think your son will be grateful.

We did this as my sons birthday is in September. It worked really well for him although he knew about 5 kids in his class already.
It has started a theme of every parent feeling they need to invite the whole class though 😂.

I would definitely take my DC to the party of a new child and make sure I spoke to the parents too.

If I was in your shoes I would try and find out beforehand if there were any party times to be avoided, eg a lot of the Y2 kids my my DC's class play in a sports team that has games every Saturday morning so that would be best avoided for a party. It could be an opportunity for your DC to join as well?

Do you have a class list of names? That might help. Also speak to the teacher to find out who he is applying with at break - even if it is a bit stilted at this point - and arrange a few play dates? Sometimes having two kids over at once can help the dynamic.

Don't worry too much. It takes a bit of time and you're only three weeks in to the new term.

OP,

I booked a hall for ds birthday so if we have 10 kids or 30 kids the cost of the venue is still the same. Likewise the entertainers charge per the hour not per child.
And then I'm just keeping a quick list of the kids as the parents RSVP to have an idea for numbers for food and party bags. There'll always be a few that drop out at the last minute and a few who didn't RSVP that turn up.

Users - that’s really encouraging many thanks :)
Sleepyhead - ha ha yes this, I wonder if that would be us too!
Janella - that’s excellent advice especially the part about the other clubs, we don’t want to be ruffling any feathers
Whattodo - thank very much this is all very sound advice, we will try to not panic (too much) about the will they/won’t they aspect to it all :)

I would ask the TA for a list of names so you can ask everyone in the class. Hopefully with it being the beginning of the year he will get some invites to other parties as he has invited everyone to his. Yes have tea and biscuits and try to catch up with the grown ups as well. Good luck!

Ukhols - thank you so much for the reply, we really do hope that will be the case and fab idea to ask the TA with teachers stuck for time a lot, much appreciated :)

I think you are over thinking this. It is your sons birthday in a couple of weeks and you want to throw a party for him and invite his class mates. There's really nothing else to it. Just do it.

Hopefully you will get to know some of the parents, but do be prepared for some to drop and run especially at that age, so the idea of having drinks for the parents is a good one.

If i received such an invitation i would accept as long as there's nothing already in the diary. When my DD was having her 5th birthday there were a couple of new children who joined her class after one of the half term holidays about a week before her party. I didn't know them but i extended the invite to them as it was a whole class party and wanted them to feel welcome. They were happy to come along.

I would also ask your childs teacher if they can lwt you know who he plays with and arrange some play dates.

Lovely idea and I'd go ahead however I wouldn't pin too much hope on class party as in my experience they still tend to stick to their friendship groups at the party and I wouldn't be too suprised if DS was more involved with his old friends.
I definitely think individual/small group playdates are the way forward.

School won’t give out lists of names anymore, not even first names, sorry.