AIBU to not punish ASD teen further?

[Isitbedtimeyet01]

Today has been a very bad day for my Autistic teen. From the minute they woke up everything has been a battle. By 9.30am they were on a 1 day gadget ban for swearing and being extremely rude and disrespectful, usual punishment with clearly laid consequences that we have had in place for years so nothing new or a surprise.

Well today the behaviour not only continued it escalated and has resulted in a broken family TV, 3 pairs of glasses (short sighted) so something we will have to replace and broken crockery amongst other things.

We spoke this evening when finally calm, no idea why they kicked of, can't think of anything bothering them, stated our punishments this morning were fair and within the rules (minor miracle life is always unfair in typical teen style).

The gadget ban has lasted for 1 day, we have moved their tv to the living room where it will stay until we have replaced the family one (meaning no playstation) and they will not be getting any pocket money until the new tv is paid for.

My family witnessed some of the destruction and are telling me the punishments I have given are not enough and will not teach any lesson. AIBU to keep it how it is? If I am how would you punish this behaviour?

Sorry to ask it's so hard sometimes knowing the right thing to do!!!

I think you probably know your child better than your family do. I'd make him help pay for replacement tv/crockery through savings or chores but that's less of a punishment than a natural consequence. Other than that I think you should trust your judgement.

I think you should trust your judgement but whatever you choose you need to mean it and be consistent, so if the natural consequence is no pocket money as it is needed to replace broken items then that needs to be your agreed response each time this happens. You can't move the goalposts.

As an aside, you may find it worth requesting this gets moved into the special needs / SEND board as there's lots of NB excellent posters there who will be able to offer advice (I don't know how many use AIBU), and because AIBU can get a bit heated.

A one-day gadget ban doesn’t sound like much, to be honest.

Trust your judgement and stick to the consequential punishments you have implemented.

Ask yourself this - would further punishments could their be and what would they achieve (not a lot I suspect).

Trust yourself; to be fair it’s done now and there’s no point in dragging it out upsetting things more. I’d prob ban the gadget more than one day but he’s not my child.

TV situation isn’t a punishment, it’s just what happens when he breaks everyone’s tv. He will have to replace the tv, and I would be giving him chore after chore so he can earn his way to remedy his situation.

Sorry can't offer any advice, but just wanted to send you

I have a ds with Asd.

100% trust your judgement. I say this as a parent of a 9 and 6 year old with asd and adhd. Asd and hormones are probably very hard to manage. My family can be quite judgey but they don’t live with my kids and it’s very easy to say I should punish how you’d punish an NT child but my children have disabilities. Their actions have consequences and punishments but I do take into account extra factors. It sounds like you’re laying out fair and reasonable punishments.

How can you teach a lesson to someone who doesn’t know why they reacted the way they did by heaping more punishment on them. They can promise it won’t happen again but in reality without knowing the trigger then it’s an unrealistic promise.

My DC are NT and with them I would be looking for ways to manage the escalation process even when you don’t know what the trigger is. I would expect them to make some constructive suggests when they had had the time think about it.

suggestions

Do you want to punish your child or teach them self discipline? I suspect the latter which means you are doing the right thing for your child- you know them best.

My son smashed 2 tvs in a rage with his console. Second was my mums. I sold the console to pay for a new TV. Ultimately how you punish your child is your choice you have a better understanding of his condition and needs than any one here.