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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not buy xmas prezzies for the adults in the family anymore?

24 replies

Itsonlymonday · 16/09/2019 21:22

do people still buy Xmas prezzies for all family members? Christmas is getting very expensive with siblings ( both my side and my DH) having kids etc. I am wondering if I am unreasonable to just buy gifts for the children. We have a young child too and we barely managed to get out of debt. The last thing I want is to get back into debt because of Christmas.

OP posts:

BeanBag7 · 16/09/2019 21:25

YANBU
Once we all had kids we basically told the siblings that we wouldnt be buying adult gifts any more.
We arent close to brothers/sisters in law and I found we were just exchanging vouchers or tacky gifts every year and it was just a big waste of money.
If you dont want to cut it out completely you could suggest a secret Santa so everyone gets one gift and it might be more carefully chosen.

dementedpixie · 16/09/2019 21:26

We buy for children and childless adult siblings only

Angeldust747 · 16/09/2019 21:28

We do secret santa with the adults so we only have to buy one present, and then gifts for the kids x

Winterfellismyhome · 16/09/2019 21:28

We're starting that this year. As PP said, we were only exchanging vouchers. MIL kicked off about it but we arent asking for anything in return either. Cheaper all round

Chitarra · 16/09/2019 21:30

YANBU- but you have to talk about it in advance to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Original poster

Itsonlymonday · 16/09/2019 21:31

Thank you for your replies. It makes sense and I like the secret Santa idea.
I think we should start that this year too. We used to spend at least £40 per person but not it’s literally impossible to afford that.

OP posts:

blahblahblahblahhh · 16/09/2019 21:32

We don't! We've done Martin Lewis's no spend Xmas for the last 5 years.
Everyone else now thinks it's a great idea too!

Original poster

Itsonlymonday · 16/09/2019 21:35

@blahblahblahblahhh what’s Martin Lewis no spend Xmas?

OP posts:

HandsOffMyRights · 16/09/2019 21:35

I've said no gifts for adult siblings (3) and (for the first time) their DCs who are all over 18.

It's not just the money - it's the tat/,wastage/stress of shopping and more lists, so don't even want to do Secret Santa (Humbug).

Mine are 13, but they get enough and I'd rather relatives donate to charity.

Wildorchidz · 16/09/2019 21:35

Have not bought for adult siblings in my family for about 20 years. Did Kris Kringle in dh’s family up until 2 years ago then stopped that by mutual agreement. Only buy for god children now.
The world has not ended.

Drum2018 · 16/09/2019 21:40

I don't do it with my family. I bowed out years ago from exchanging gifts with siblings but they still do it. We also just buy for godchildren, not all nieces/nephews. If you don't want to do it just tell family you are not exchanging gifts from now on and let them carry on if they want. It won't make any difference to them if you're not involved.

ElleEmDee · 16/09/2019 21:41

YANBU. We tried to do this but DH siblings insisted so adult presents are back. It’s so annoying - it’s expensive and we end up with things we neither want nor need ( they are both last minute shoppers who just grab the first thing they see so their gifts are mostly not great).

They are both the type to buy us something even if we don’t get them a gift which is very awkward and embarrassing so we have rolled over and buy them something as we always have Xmas lunch at the PIL house and open family gifts together (we all have children also)

Every now and again we do a year of secret Santa or a charity donation instead but then it always reverts to mass gift giving. You’ve inspired me OP to try again this year! Off to email them now...

Qwerty19 · 16/09/2019 21:42

Only adults we buy for is parents something they ask for, and our grandparents.. A token gift.. Normally their favourite b biscuit that they don't like to spend their pensions on.

Even stopped buying for my DNs. As became too many,. My bro had 6 dcs. Who were often ungreatful for their gift. So I stopped.

Only. Kids we buy for is our own x 3, my dsis as she's only 15 and dhs 2x dn. Will prob buy for dhs best friends new baby as they have always got something small for our dcs before they had a baby.

We buy for 12 in total Inc our kids, it used to be over 40! Friends dcs and everything.. I stopped 3 years ago and it's honestly the best thing I ever did.

Original poster

Itsonlymonday · 16/09/2019 21:55

I’d rather spend on the kids a little bit more and get some decent prezzies. For adults we End up getting something like candles, socks or scarf...which in my opinion aren’t very thoughtful but can’t afford much more atm.

OP posts:

FairyDust92 · 16/09/2019 22:02

Did do but with a baby now I suggested secret Santa this year and they all agree as it's getting to expensive!

misspiggy19 · 16/09/2019 22:07

Christmas without at least 1 present sounds crap

Grumpyunleashed · 16/09/2019 22:17

Do what you want.
Only buying for children is fine in my book.
However, make sure you tell people now what you are going to do. If I purchased you a gift and you rolled up on Christmas Day operating on a new set of rules by stealth I would be really pissed off.

BarbaraofSeville · 16/09/2019 22:20

So just exchange token gifts with your DH. I'd honestly rather have nothing than a load of crap I don't want plus be expected to go out and choose something for loads of other adults.

Just buy for DCs, a token gift for your partner and save the rest of your money and energy to buy your own stuff as and when you need it, rather than getting into a whole charade where everyone wastes time and money on a load of stuff that no-one wants or needs.

Dee1975 · 16/09/2019 22:20

No YANBU. We suggested this a few year ago and it works- we all buy for the children, but do a secret Santa for the adults. So we buy for one adult each. It’s quite fun and less pressure on the finances.

rabbitwoman · 16/09/2019 22:29

I haven't bought Xmas pressies for family for years. It was a source of great resentment for me - we set a limit of £10 per person - fine - but my two brothers and my sister all had partners whilst I was single. So somehow, I ended up spending £60 on six presents, only getting three presents back worth £30, and I was the one getting by on just one income!!!! The maths alone was making me so sour about the whole thing, one year I just announced I was not doing it anymore. I gave plenty of notice, and said not to buy me anything either.

And that was years before Martin Lewis. I am a trend setter!

ElfCakes · 16/09/2019 22:32

On my side of the family there are 8 adults in our generation (me, DH and my sibs and their spouses) and 7 kids. We do a sibling secret santa between the 8 of us with an agreed ballpark price and buy for DPs and DCs. As of January I'm going to suggest we only do birthday cards in future and not gifts unless for special birthdays (gonna get my 29th done first!) We just pass money between us all and end up with things we didn't really want or need. We'd rather spend the money on the kids

ElfCakes · 16/09/2019 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wynston · 16/09/2019 22:38

We all decided all we wanted to do was be together.....so at some point in December we all go out for some food (nothing fancy). And we just pay for our own family. Perfect for us.......we all love food and just enjoy each others company!

Nononoandno · 16/09/2019 22:44

In our large family we stop buying when they reach 18, some of my nephews and nieces still live at home and earning good money whereas I’m a single mum and watching every penny. I would need a bank loan if I bought for 5 siblings their other halves and 10 kids.... that’s 20 people before starting on friends and grandparents and gifts from my teenage son to grandparents etc the list goes on! X

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