To feel uneasy in case my looks limit my job prospects?

[LowMaintenanceLil]

For starters there's nothing particularly wrong with how I look, am a perfectly normal looking mid thirties woman.

My AIBU is directly in relation to certain fields such as PR and media. I've worked at low levels in both in London in my younger days and always felt my face didn't quite fit even then when everyone was more recently out of uni or postgrad training. Have had some time out of the workplace, now moved to New York City and will be looking to re-enter the working world. Tbh am starting to feel apprehensive as I get the impression that looking the part is going to be more of an issue here. Could be wrong though. I imagine lots of women about to try to re-engage with their career feel nervous for many reasons and I wonder if I'm just fixating on this.

But I do worry.

I'm not slim or thin, not sleek and groomed, and don't have a great wardrobe. I manage to look sort of like a young frumpy student but am at a loss as to how to look more sophisticated.

AIBU and silly? Have you ever felt appearance hindered your job prospects?

Hello OP, please don't be too hard on yourself! Those who think look fabulous all the time are just like anyone else first thing in a morning, no make up and hair all over the place! No one is perfect and we all have our little insecurities about ourselves. As long as you're clean and presentable in ironed clothes (which I'm sure you are) then go and hold your head high.

Sorry that came out a bit jumbled up.

If you have the money you could go to a department store and get have someone help you, like a personal shopper.

My AIBU is directly in relation to certain fields such as PR and media

I've worked in PR, communications and media for twenty-odd years and I'm overweight with a very average face. And never worked in a single office where I've been surrounded by stunners, ever. Everyone's pretty normal and there's a huge range of styles of clothing etc.

Now, that might be different in New York for all I know, but I suspect that unless you wanted to work in fashion/beauty PR, which does tend to be a bit, you know, model-y, you still don't have anything to worry about.

If you feel a bit of a makeover would boost your confidence though, I agree that an appointment with a personal shopper/stylist might be a nice idea - I think most of them deduct the price of a consultation off anything you buy?

Thank you, it's good to hear that maybe this isn't a real hurdle and more about my overall confidence or somesuch. Fashion or beauty PR not my area so there's no overt focus on that stuff. I think it's just that I feel self consciously very frumptastic!

A makeover is a great idea. I did think about doing one of those in London before but felt overwhelmed not knowing where to go as there are so many but bizarrely that feels easier in a new city.

I used to be far more confident in terms of clothes and knowing what suited me, be nice to get that back.

I have never managed to look smart even once in my life, which is a shame because I'm actually quite good at my job. I decided in my 30's (must be a time when we start to accept ourselves) that there was no point in trying to be tall, slender and blonde, but instead to embrace the short, quirky look and people can just accept me or not. I realised that in the same way that I was not obliged to love or even like, everyone I meet, so they were not obliged to love or even like me, and we could do so without any great animosity. So dress in a way that makes you happy and comfortable; dress in a way that allows you to do your best work. 'Arty' people can get away with an awful lot when it comes to business as their reputation is often what counts!

If you're interviewing for a mostly client-facing role, then I could see how the grooming/wardrobe/slim, fit body image might come into play. Interviewers might be subjective (biased) about that. However, you may find that some PR jobs are mostly computer screen-facing and interviewers may not care about grooming/wardrobe, etc.

My niece used to do client-facing PR work in New York and spent A LOT of money and time on haircuts/color, tanning salons, manicures, makeup, clothes and accessories. Now she does a different type of PR job and it's mostly computer screen work. She can slob about in casual clothes, no makeup, hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. She doesn't have to worry about being thin either. She goes to the office 5 days a week but it's a casual dress code.

It's not how you look and what your body shape is, it's about how you present yourself - and frankly that applies in most fields. You need to look the part everywhere.

First, what is "looking the part", how do successful people in your chosen field look and dress?
Then a personal stylist can help!

Don’t worry .

I think a good (up to date) wardrobe will be important. And, luckily it's something you can do / deal with.
Do you have any friends who could help you out? Help you choose some well fitting, stylish stuff to suit your personality?

My last roles had a lot of out and about with clients/ media relations so definitely not able to be behind a screen.

Yes a worry is I don't even know what successful people look like nowadays in the industry - plus, I feel you can get away with a less than immaculate presentation in your twenties, in a way that doesn't work in your thirties.

But still - it comes down to confidence. If I was shit hot nobody would probably give a damn what I look like, as it is I'm not that confident in my own ability and need all the help I can get to try to fit in and get a chance.

Sorry, should clarify, shit hot as in very good at the job, not shit hot as in very attractive, although obviously that might help too

That's a good point about workwear being up to date. I think at some point, a personal shopper session will be a good investment for me, because I really have no clue these days what to wear. When I look at clothes online now I don't really like anything!

It's weird because I used to quite like clothes and do see the difference that being well turned out can make, but my imagination dries up when I look at an outfit now. I can't see anything looking good on me at all.

OP have a look at Styled By Susie on facebook and Instagram. Earlier this year I paid for an online style a analysis and it was money well spent. I've had loads of compliments even from little changes like wearing statement earrings. Susie looks at your body shape, style personality and colouring and advises you on a capsule wardrobe and where you should be shopping. She also does personal shopping which looks amazing! Even joining the facebook group will inspire you to be a bit more stylish. I feel more like myself again after sticking to dull styles for ages.

You need a good hair cut, and clothes that fit

Personal stylist like Susie is a very good recommendation too.

I have very good hair cuts, every couple of months. I enjoy my hair being in good condition.

BUT. I have stopped colouring as part of getting it back in good shape and now have a few subtle but definite silvery streaks, which I think look rather nice in a way.

They're not going to work though! I need to fix them with more colour I suppose

grey is very fashionable, I am not sure anyone cares about silvery streaks

Appearance is a general view, not picking on small details.

No one can give you precise advice: I can think of a few companies where you haven't got a chance if you are not wearing a sharp suit (or corporate dress). I can think of others where same suit will lower your chances drastically, they like to think as themselves as "edgy".

I work in marketing and am very overweight but it hasn't affected my progression. We have a pr team as well and none of them look like models.

I don't think weight matters. It's all about grooming and personal style. There are lots of blogs online which might be helpful to look at. I also like people watching during rush hour for inspiration.

I also like people watching during rush hour for inspiration.

I have been doing this looking discreetly at commuters and wondering where they work!

It will totally depend on the agency and which sector of PR you are in. Most agencies are business casual/casual every day then smarter when seeing clients (but that depends on the client!)

I’ve worked with lots of different people in agencies and they’re definitely not models😁 they are generally ‘put together’ but ultimately it’s their experience that matters.