Feel like I'm wasting my life - crisis

[Chippychips246]

I think I'm having a quarter life crisis.
I'm in my 20's, and currently working full-time as a teacher, I'm in a stable relationship, I own my own car and I'm saving to buy a house later this year.

But I feel this overwhelming sense of misery, right now I am sat in bed, dreading work and feeling like I'm a huge failure for wasting my life.

How do I get out of this horrible rut? I wouldn't know what other jobs to do with an early years teaching degree, and I'm not brave/foolish enough to blow my house deposit travelling.

Not sure what I'm really hoping from this thread. I suppose I just don't know how I can still be in my 20's, but feel that my life has already been written off as miserable and wasted.

Sorry you’re feeling this way. How are you feeling about your relationship/job? How long have you been feeling like this?

If you want to blow it travelling, do it. Life is too short, enjoy it while you can. You have completed your education and there will always be teaching jobs for when you return.

My ds is in his early 20s. He is currently blowing his savings travelling. He will be working long enough. Go for it.

I just don't think I'm brave enough to spend so much on travelling, as much as I love seeing new places. I would much rather just do my travelling in the six weeks hols, rather than loosing all of my savings. I don't really have a family safety net if I spent it all, I'd be homeless and jobless when I got back which I'm sure would take the shine off travelling - brilliant for those who can afford to do it though.

My relationship is good, my job is definitely stressful and leaves me feeling like I have no work-life balance. I have no work experience outside of teaching, and can't afford to take a big pay cut so would need a starter salary of around 22k, which in the north is hard to come by. Would love to hear suggestions if anyone has any though?

I've just turned 30 and I was in this position a few years ago. I don't know if this will help or not, but I think it's relatively normal.

A few years on, here's my thoughts:

• I didn't want to retrain at the time, but could just about afford to drop a day at work (I'm now retraining). Could you afford to go down to four days? It gives you a bit of time for yourself and hobbies. On the note of hobbies - having one and making time for it also helped me massively. I try and carve out time for art now and feel so much better for it when I do. A good starting point may be looking at things you enjoyed doing as a child. It can be scary, but gives you that sense of fulfilment.

• I had a strong urge to visit new places in my mid-twenties, to the extent I wanted to drop everything and travel for a few months. I'm now quite glad I stuck with having lots of holidays rather than going away for months. I've loved the experiences I've had, but as time has gone on I've been very grateful for the money I've saved. You never know what's going to happen.

• In relation to your role specifically, try and remember that the work you are doing really does make a difference. Shaping a child's life in a positive way is a massive achievement, and you will have done this for many children!

• Have you had counselling or CBT? The waiting lists are long, but it's worth persevering with the NHS. It helps you suss out what is important to you.

Take care. I hope you manage to find a better balance. Happy to chat further if it is helpful.

Sorry you aren’t happy. Lots of people do to through ups and downs where they feel this way for a while.
Could you go and teach abroad for a while? I had friends who TEFL taught in Asia for a year for example? Perhaps plan a great trip for next summer holidays - six weeks travelling or doing something different?

One other thing to add, which is how someone phrased it to me at the time...

Do you want to go travelling just because you want to travel? Or are you wanting to travel as an escape from how your day-to-day life makes you feel? If you go travelling and come back to the drudgery, you may feel the same way you did before you went. Try making some changes to your usual life first and see how you feel.

I believe the National Careers Service do free appointments. I nearly went to see them earlier this year.

How about become an assessor of other early years apprentices?
How long have you been teaching?

You haven't actually said what is making you miserable though? Have you had a break or gap year between school, uni and work at all? Maybe you have been following "the script" and now it's getting to financial committments of buying a house and the last relationship you'll ever have/getting married you're starting to think maybe you don't want to commit to all that yet. Maybe you want a chance to float around and experiment.

I find it weird you aren't talking to your partner about all this. Do you feel like he wouldn't understand? Is he quite content to follow the script?

You're only in your 20s, I encourage you to say fuck it

Teaching is a global career, plenty of opportunity to work and travel.

I know where you're coming from, in my mid 20's part of me felt like the fun old days of uni and starting out in your first proper job were slowly being replaced by adult things like bills, much reduced time off to yourself, a mortgage. I was lucky to be able to take a year out when I was around 26 and travelled. Was amazing and I saw so much of the world that I just would never be able to see now that I'm married with children. I wasn't able to buy house until into my 30's and that would probably have been different if I hadn't spent 10k on my year out, added to the fact that I wasn't earning that year.

Don't think that's helpful to you at all, but if you do want to travel, you could do so much in your 6 weeks holidays, and it doesn't have to be expensive, get a good deal on flights, stay in hostels etc. Maybe having something to look forward to will lift you a bit.

How about teaching abroad? It’s a great way to see the world. I have and it’s a totally different and far more enjoyable ball game. If it wasn’t for DH’s career which meant me and kids had to return I would have globe hopped from two year contract to two year contract forever 😁. Many of my younger teacher friends are having the time of their lives with far more money and a hugely improved work life balance...

You are definitely not a failure OP. Please don't think that. You may be going through a period of dissatisfaction with your life but you are not a failure. I suppose it is hard to think that you are under a lot of stress in your job and is thus it for the next 40 years! That is scary! The thing is would this be any different in another job? Teaching is a good career and offers a good pension at the end of it. You said you are in a good relationship. That's wonderful. I think what you need to do is get your partner and yourself to write up a bucket list of things you would both like to do and that would add some fulfilment to your lives. Dissatisfaction can come along when you just see your life as becoming just a cog in the system going through the motions of career, relationship, mortgage etc. You feel you are in a rut. This is perfectly normal. You both need to create some fun and excitement in your lives and create happy memories and things to look forward to. Speaking from experience, life passes by so quickly. Before you know it, you find yourself in your 50s or older. You both need to be proactive in creating your own life experiences

I'm selling my business which would be good for a teacher - message me with where in the North you are if you're interested and really want to get out of teaching

Sounds like your job is the main problem?

Instead of travelling just as an extended self indulgent holiday, why not go volunteering for a few months. My daughter felt the same in her mid 20s having gone straight to work from Uni, so took an umpaid sabbatical from work and spent 3 months working in Phnom Penh with children, not teaching though. She followed this with a month visiting Nam and Thailand as a holidaymaker. It was the making of her, gave her loads of confidence, good experience on her CV for future jobs. Highly recommended.

I think in life we follow the norm: get a career; have a partner; buy a house; get engaged; get married; have children and live happily ever after in society’s eyes. I think you need to think about what would make you happy in your own life. You are only mid 20s... you have more than 40 years ahead of you in work and mortgages can be paid for up to 30 years. It’s about your individual priorities, not society’s.

Think about what would make you happy now. If taking a break from teaching to retrain elsewhere then do so. If it’s cutting your hours down to fit in some ‘you’ time then do it. If you want to travel then book something, you don’t have to travel everywhere in one go. Being a teacher you have 13 weeks every year to do what you like with.

Which reminds me, set a strict time limit to your working day and keep weekends to yourself. It can be done if you are organised.

Good luck finding what makes you happy.