To think police / social services should have been informed? *POSSIBLE TRIGGER*

[Babyblue12]

Name changed for this.

Around 20 years ago I disclosed historical sexual abuse. I was a teenager (when I disclosed) and was self-harming as a way of trying to cope. I told a teacher at school, who informed my parents. I was referred for counselling.

It’s only recently struck me that there was never any talk of police involvement or social services being contacted. Was this not the norm back then?

I’ve come to terms with the abuse now and am doing well, but am a bit confused by this.

Probably normal or at least ime. I disclosed to someone about being raped as I was refusing to go to school and they were taking my mum to court (was a boy at school) they never told anyone. Not my mum, the police no one.

Sorry to hear that. Was that years ago you disclosed too? Not that that makes it any better, but I think processes are improved nowadays.

Odd question but what type of background did you come from?

I wasn’t sexually abused but the general attitude I encountered was that I didn’t warrant any ss involvement, or indeed support because I was from a ‘good’ family and physically privileged. Of course I’ve never got the impression that even 20/30 years ago ss all thought that way, but I’ve encountered numerous adults, some of whom are old enough to have been in the position where they would have been making referrals or in safeguarding roles back then, that still think ss are only warranted when dc physically look neglected or abused, or are from deprived backgrounds. And plenty of other people still think that way.

So I’m wondering if you too were a victim of the assumption that ‘nice’ families either don’t abuse, or that they can adequately sort out any abuse problems or scars caused by others and therefore no intervention is required.

It was 15 years ago so almost as long as yours. It was to one of the professionals involved as like I said they were taking my mum to court and wanted to speak to me about why I wasn’t attending school. After I told them that they dropped all the court action. I didn’t really think about it until reading your op as I do think now it would be different. They would have a duty to report it I think.

So you are talking about the 90's? The 90's not the bloody 50's!

Yes they (the school) absolutely should have passed it on.

I disclosed 21 years ago and while it wasn't handled imo well. They did follow rules. I was pulled out of class and put in a little room, school friends being told and sent up to check on me! Parents were called immediately who then took me out of school the same day, police were called same day, they were waiting at the house when we arrived from the school. Statement given same day.

I wasn't really given a choice in any of it and no one told me I was in charge of the next steps or that there was even an alternative to what happened next! so giving the police statement (the same day as disclosure) (with my mother there listening to the details!) and then the medical (with my mother standing next to the bed!) then the trial, were just things that happened without me having any choice or knowledge or control. Which to be honest has left its own damage but while it wasn't done in a way that was good or empowering for me as the victim they did pass it on.

Thing could have been much better 20 years ago had there been more knowledge about victims needs but there was a very clear blueprint in place and they in your case didn't follow it.

I'm sorry baby you were failed.

Trainspotting Interesting point! Yes, a “good” family background, older siblings and a small town so the school knew my family well. The abuse wasn’t a family member so no concerns there. You’re probably right that they knew my family would safeguard me, take me for therapy etc, therefore no “need” for intervention.

PumpkinP Yes you’re right, there would definitely be a duty to report today. That’s shocking that they didn’t do anything when you disclosed.

Ginkypig Sounds like you got the other extreme - whilst it’s good that they followed it up, I totally agree that it wasn’t handled that well. Very re-traumatising for you. I really don’t think I could’ve handled it if it had been dealt with in that way. So sorry to hear you went through that.

I know an elderly woman who was told that her 5 year old DD was being abused by their GP - neither she nor the GP did anything.

Unbelievable now.

Just to clarify - the GP said she was being abused - was not involved in the abuse!

That's awful and I'm so sorry. I'm also not surprised though - 2001 was the Victoria Climbe case I believe which was absolutely awful and so many safeguarding failures so yes definitely lots of failures still at that time.

First of all, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You were very brave to disclose it.

I would certainly have thought that police should have been informed. I guess it's possible that the police actually were informed but that for some reason or another the police didn't feel it could be taken any further.

Was your abuser definitely still alive when you disclosed what had happened?

I was groomed at 14
It came out and my mother rang the police
A woman came round (no idea if she was ss or police but I think she may have been a police officer)
She looked me up and down asked if I’d been raped (in front of my dad-still feel that shame) and when I said yes she nodded and walked out
That was it-he wasn’t arrested never mind charged
Ss didn’t come out either
The school didn’t know how to deal with it so the teachers let me get away with not doing homework or bringing in books etc (normally that was a detention at the very least) so I then got bullied for favouritism and nothing happened to the bullies
That lead to depression at 16 where I tried to kill myself
Still no support from anyone-ss didn’t even come round to help me access support even though my doctor had rang them
I still feel badly let down by everyone involved

25 years ago. My parents pushed for prosecution so there was police involvement but the court case gave me PTSD and social services offered counseling but my parents turned them down so I was left to deal with it all myself.

Of course come my mid thirties I've gone abso-fucking-lutely bonkers, with perinatal mental health team seeking diagnosis for autism, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, depression, anxiety and ADHD. Fun times.

I'm so sorry you experienced that 💐

I'm not too sure it would be taken further tbh. I wasn't ssxually abused but was physically and emotionally abused since she 7. When I was 13 I told my maths teacher, who told the head of year, who brushed it off as 'normal teenage arguments'. I thought that maybe I was overreacting and it was normal, and never told anyone else.

This wasn't in the 70s where you might expect that. It was 2009! 2000 and fucking 9. They should have known better. I'm really angry about it - don't know what, if anything, I can do. The HOY has since died and I think the maths teacher has retired.

Dolly Yes the abuser was very much alive, still living in the same house.

Awful to hear that as well as you all going through abuse, the disclosure and following periods were also so badly handled.

Rainbowknickers That is just shocking that the police treated you like that. That’s a horrendous way to deal with a rape victim, no wonder you feel so let down.

Tartsamazeballs Sending you Having to relive it all in court must have been horrible. So sorry to hear of the massive impact it’s still having on you. Hope you’re getting lots of support.

Madein1995 Gosh, 2009 is so recent for people to still have that kind of attitude. So sad that you get the courage to open up to someone, to be met with that. Hugs.

Just to clarify, still living in the same house as he was where he abused me. Not the same house as me.