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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag do the weekend before the wedding?

31 replies

Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 10:48

AIBU to be worried about this?
I just don't know how much will be left to do before the wedding? Also will have two toddlers at this stage. Worried that his friends will do something stupid and also that he will come back and be useless!
Planning 3 days abroad but he won't know where until he is on the plane.

The other reason is that two friends are coming over from abroad and he doesn't want them to come twice (or they wouldn't come twice) but I'm a bit Hmm about that as one of them didn't even invite him to his stag or wedding!

I know....I probably am being unreasonable ?

Reassure me that there will be not much left to do and that I will just be able to concentrate on the two children who will probably be playing up!

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 16/09/2019 11:26

nope, if you think nope. It's part of the wedding schedule, you do have a right to say 'actually I don't want to be in sole charge of the kids for the weekend just before the wedding as sod's law says something will need doing/it will jsut be too busy'.

Will it be one of the ridiculous whole weekend away spending hundreds stags? fuck the friend who didn't even invite him to the wedding - you can laugh out loud at that one. The other friend - how good a friend? And how far away? Still - not a good enough reason to plan a stag around. One way to get around it would be to have the stag a clear couple of months ahead of the wedding. Then the abroad friend could come? Or - go to the abroad friends country?

Alsohuman · 16/09/2019 11:31

Stag nights used to be the night before the wedding.

TixieLix · 16/09/2019 11:32

Depends on how much you trust his mates. If they're likely to do something stupid like shave his head, or worse still behave in a way that gets him a black eye or (God forbid) arrested, then no, not that close to the wedding. Even on 'best behaviour' stags accidents happen and someone could break a bone or have a fall. I would personally prefer help the last weekend too, in case there's any last minute running around that needs to be done.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:38

@FizzyGreenWater Both friends are on the other side of the world. The 2nd friend is a nice guy and was pretty close to my OH and we went to their wedding.

The friends are a mix of sensible and not so sensible.... they like to take the piss out of my OH so I am concerned that it will go to far!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:39

@Alsohuman Yes, they did! So you think I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:
thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 16/09/2019 11:41

YABVU. It's a whole week before not the day before and it makes total sense for his friends not to travel twice. It will all be fine.

Confusedbeetle · 16/09/2019 11:42

Stags are ridiculous

msbevvy · 16/09/2019 11:42

They used to be the night before the wedding but they were only a night out not a trip abroad!

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:42

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie I see what you're saying. I know I feel U being upset about this but I can't help it, I wouldn't do it to him with my hen!

OP posts:
ThePallidBustOfPallas · 16/09/2019 11:42

Doo?

Confused
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:43

@ThePallidBustOfPallas ??

OP posts:
Artesia · 16/09/2019 11:46

It’s “stag do”. Unlike Scooby Doo. Think That’s why ThePallidBustOfPallas is puzzled/amused.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:48

@Artesia haha! Shit! That's a good point!
I guess I haven't written it before!

OP posts:
Artesia · 16/09/2019 11:50

It made me smile- reminded me of when DS insisted he went to the toilet to do a ‘pooh’, cos that’s how Winnie was spelt!

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:51

@Artesia I'll admit, I'm not the brightest of the bunch!

OP posts:
siriusblackthemischieviouscat · 16/09/2019 11:53

Im not a fan of the whole weekend abroad hen/stag do anyway so its a no from me anyway but i agree, the week before the wedding is to close. Can't he just go out for a drink with his mates from abroad the weekend before?

violetdelights · 16/09/2019 11:56

YANBU! The two friends that have to travel so far it's tough they won't be able to attend! It's not fair to put on you like that. He will be hungover and useless for the rest of the week. I say that from experience too! DH arranged his for the weekend before, became an absolute horrible jerk on his stag do and in the days after and it made me question if I wanted to marry him. I had so much to do in the few days before the wedding and it was all left up to me to organise. I hated him for it. I cried all week and just wanted the wedding to be over. We got over it but I refuse to celebrate our wedding anniversary because I hated the day that was supposed to be one of the most special of my life.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 11:58

@siriusblackthemischieviouscat That's exactly what I suggested to him but of course he says it won't be the same, "what's the point?" He wants them at the stag.

Just so people know, my other half has a great social life and I never say no to him going out etc it's just the stag the weekend before the wedding I feel really uneasy about.

I know he wouldn't have a problem with rescheduling, it's just the two friends that are the 'problem'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 12:00

@violetdelights I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. So sad that it ruined your wedding day. I totally get it though and that's exactly what I'm worried about. :(

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 16/09/2019 12:50

Compromise - two weekends before. If nice friend is the other side of the world, won't he/his family want to come for longer than effectively a few days?

Bilingualspingual · 16/09/2019 12:58

Back in Ye Olden Dayes, the stag would be probably without children, not living with his future wife, possibly even a virgin. The stag night would barely impact on his future wife. Nowadays, when it’s perfectly likely he may have a couple of kids and a live-in partner, it’s just a lads’ holiday and is more of a deal. So I think YANBU.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/09/2019 13:07

My now DH ended by having a second impromptu stag the night before the wedding.. the Best Man spent several days in hospital with concussion (after the wedding, he made it to the wedding). A funny story we look back on.
Wanting a last minute stag do because he wants his mates there isn't necessarily unreasonable. Leaving his fiancée to look after two toddlers for a couple of days when there is potentially a lot to do is unreasonable.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/09/2019 13:51

Thanks for everyone's opinions so far!
I will speak to him again and see if his friends can come 2 weeks before and do the stag then.

I just have a bad feeling about it.

I'm hoping only to get married the once and I don't want anything to ruin it!

He did mention he could potentially book a week off before the wedding, so he'd be off the week after the stag- is that a good compromise on it?
(I'm worried he would be useless those days !)

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 16/09/2019 14:15

That's a fairly good compromise. But most of this really hinges on the kind of bloke he is tbh. You do rather sound as if you'd fully expect him to end up giving himself alcohol poisoning and/or end up in prison in Kos for being drunk and disorderly!

If it's just going to be a weekend of heavy drinking then yes if he's home by the Monday and is taking the rest of that week off then realistically he is going to be fine to a. look after the kids and/or do wedding stuff for most of the week or b. sort various things himself.

If it's a case of missing the flight back from Ibiza because he's sitting in prison with 15 stitches in his head and an assault charge - quite different.

Where is he thinking of going and for how long?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 16/09/2019 14:19

We did stag and hens the month before

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