Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Lads holiday

35 replies

Kate8790 · 16/09/2019 10:20

My partner is away on a lads holiday, it's the first time I've experienced a partner going away on this kind of holiday (bh mallorca , magaluf) . He's been gone for 5 days now, there has been a serious lack of communication from him and when he does get in touch it's like I'm talking to a completely different person. He sent videos of "what's going on around him " which consisted of a lot of women in bikinis, which I found completely unnecessary and quite upsetting. He then films a live erotic show and put it on Facebook, which I reported to Facebook. I told him I found it humiliating but he hasn't removed this video and Facebook hasn't removed it yet either. He's 36 and we have a 1 year old, he also has children with his ex who he has full custody of. AIBU to think that this kind of holiday and behaviour should have been left behind long ago? He's usually a fantastic partner and we do everything for each other but the person he's become on this holiday is someone that I don't recognize and I'm giving serious thought into ending our relationship because I know he will do this again. He's away with a much older man in a relationship this time but the next holiday he's planning is with a younger single friend and I imagine it will be much worse.

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 16/09/2019 11:44

I am now wondering how @PrincessPain dp imagines one should shag the queen

Given her age, I would imagine very gently

omikron · 16/09/2019 11:59

He was a completely different person and I didn't like that side of him. I cried all week because I didn't want to marry him anymore. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. We went through with the wedding and I ended up hating what was supposed to be one of the best days of my life. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I still hold some resentment for how I felt that day. We have since worked through it and put it behind us.

Isn't that a bit extreme?

burnttoastandjam · 16/09/2019 12:01

He takes time for himself, and I see no problem with that. I wish more people did it. It's one small holiday, not a weekly or a monthly event. For the first time ever, I started taking time for myself last year, and I am a much better person for it.

I don't communicate with DH when he is away, nor him with me. We might send the occasional Whatsapp but it's not a daily thing, and there is no obligation as we trust each other and want the other one back after having a good time and ready to get back into family life.

If you think he is really up to no good, then you need to have a serious think about your relationship. Being at your wits end because he has sent images of beaches including girls with bikinis and has been to a tourist sex show whilst on a lads holiday is such a waste of energy.

And this isn't 'putting up' with his behaviour, we both respect that we might need to have some time away.

burnttoastandjam · 16/09/2019 12:05

And this isn't 'putting up' with behaviour, we both respect that we might need to have some time away.

omikron · 16/09/2019 12:17

And this isn't 'putting up' with behaviour, we both respect that we might need to have some time away.

My husband would at least check in on our son, nothing major and nothing that impacts his 'getting away' or 'having fun', just contacting because he actually cares about us.

Uploading an erotic show onto Facebook where, I'm assuming, family can see, is just gross.

burnttoastandjam · 16/09/2019 15:56

@omikron I agree with you about the Facebook video, that is vile. I can also see your point about contact for the kids but we rarely contact do that as it seems to cause them more upset, so its best to just leave it until they request. Works for us and a few other families we know who travel a lot.

OP's LO is one so won't notice and his other DC are with his ex.

In his shoes I would expect my partner to be able to cope without a lot of contact.

BeepBeeep · 16/09/2019 16:05

I don't understand all the need for contact.
I go away on holidays without DH and never feel the need to contact him, nor does he expect me to.
He's worked away all our marriage and he doesn't contact me, nor do I expect him to.
We're adults, we don't need to.

mistermagpie · 16/09/2019 16:11

I must be a total square but I would be horrified if my DH did any of this! We aren't really 'lads' and 'girls' holiday people though, if we are going to spend money and use annual leave then we go away together with the kids as a family. Just shows there are a lot more easy going people than me out there...

I guess the issue is, if this is acceptable to you or not OP, and it sounds like it's not. The Facebook think is really juvenile and crass and I can understand you not liking that, but if you are generally ok with these kinds of holidays then maybe think about why this one is bothering you more than usual?

Expressedways · 16/09/2019 16:18

The filming and posting an erotic show is utterly disgusting. Attending one is one thing but to film it and post it publicly on social media would be over the line as far as I was concerned. Then again, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone that still wanted to go to Magaluf on holiday- been there, done that, felt too old for it at about 21. DH and I take separate holidays with friends and typically call each other once a day (to FaceTime with DD really) and send the odd text. For me it wouldn’t be about jealousy, I just couldn’t respect someone that immature.

hellhavenofury · 16/09/2019 16:49

Apart from the erotic show on FB -( creepy to say the least) I am all for partners having holidays and time away from each other. Of course there is going to be women in bikinis lol - Do you expect him to walk around with his eyes shut drinking water, he probably didnt think twice that they were there!

I think you sound quite suffocating IMO - He is just having a great time away so I would just leave him to it :D

My OH goes away on Wednesday for 5 days - Cannot wait for a few days on my own watching crap TV and star fishing in bed :D

Flip

1 2