I apologise for the very long post. So bit of backstory, I've had issues with my FIL saying things that I've felt were a bit rude/close to the mark before but mostly kept my mouth shut for the sake of keeping the peace. Things such as comments about what I do all day (I have a weekend job but otherwise I'm a stay at home parent because it works best for us in terms of childcare), comments about me having had a c-section (without which both I and my daughter would have died and I'm already struggling to come to terms with - that's a whole other topic entirely) and just general little digs that are subtle enough to be misconstrued or said out of earshot of my partner. But these comments are said to me a grown adult who can ignore it if needs be.
Yesterday however things were said to my 3 year old. We were out at a restaurant, firstly she is only very recently toilet trained and realised that she needed a wee and so panicked and quite loudly announced that she really needed a wee to us all. I took her no problem she did her wee I congratulated her for realising and telling me in time and that was done, we walk out and immediately my FIL tells her "you didn't have to tell the whole restaurant". She is 3 and she panicked, I brushed it off, congratulated her for telling me again and didn't comment to avoid an argument. Then he took her toy away from her while she was playing nicely and refused to give it back until she said please, he snatched it off her first and then when she did say please he made a big thing about teaching her manners (she has beautiful manners which lots of people comment on and there was no need for that). I said nothing because I was expecting my partner to say something - he was oblivious to the situation. By this point I'm getting very wound up. We talk about her nursery and she has a male friend who he asks if it's her boyfriend 🤨 I know that alot of people make light of this and it's not a massive deal but I personally don't agree with asking that of a 3 year old who doesn't understand the meaning. He then spills his drink and leaves it all over the table, I tell him his drink has spilt, my 3 year old notices this and grabs a napkin and wipes it up, to which he comments: "you'll make someone a good wife one day" to which I reply, quite politely with a smile, that "actually i'm sure her future partner will be more than capable of cleaning up after themselves" at which point he acts quite affronted and says well it's just a saying.
He also seemed to get fed up when my admittedly rather clingy baby began crying when he held her. I can settle her best, not that I think I'm better than anyone else but she is only a tiny baby and obviously wants her mummy. He really seems to have an issue with that though and was coming up with all sorts of reasons such as - she can see her dad better, and it's the position your holding her in, and she can see the TV. No! It's just because I'm her mummy and she knows my heartbeat and smell and voice and finds that comforting. I put her down in the pram finally settled and he plays peek-a-boo by loudly shouting in a really agressive rougher than normal voice BOO right in her face. That would probably make me cry let alone a tiny baby.
Then when I settled her again, he got right in her face to take a picture and comments: oh so you can be cute when your not screaming. Gaaaahhhhhh!! AIBU to think a grown man should know better? My partner thinks I'm too sensitive to some things which I possibly am, I do have some MH issues which could cloud my judgement.