AIBU to still be this sad?

[iamruth]

My mum passed away very nearly 17 years ago. Now that my grandmother has also died and my dad has (quite reasonably) moved on completely there is no one who talks about her anymore, (don’t really see aunties/uncles much since my grandmother died 2 years ago). Sometimes the pain of losing my DM (and now also DG) is still unbearable and still manifests itself as just really raw physical pain, AIBU to still feel like this at 32 years old? I have my own live and husband as well as three children but so often I just feel totally alone with this, is this even vaguely normal?

I think it is not only normal but part of loving someone. If we don't love, we don't feel loss. So it follows that we can feel both the love and the loss at any time. The loss of your grandmother has brought some buried emotional memories back again too. I lost my mother ten years ago and I still have moments of really deep grief, at other times more of an aching sadness. If you find that it is a daily event then some form of bereavement counselling might be helpful, but if it is only intermittent then I would say yes, completely normal. I hope that helps a bit.

@BCBG thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Definitely not a daily occurrence but maybe more than I would like sometimes. It’s coming up to the anniversary of her death and I guess that brings back memories but more so puts it into perspective just how long she has been gone more than anything. I’m sorry to hear about your Mum xx

I don’t think you ever “get over” it, the pain stays with you but you learn to channel it better. Grief is horrendous it eats you up mentally and physically. I’ve been grieving for a very long time, sometimes I cry in the shower but come out with a smile to my family.

Do you think you can keep a journal to remember everything about her? Keep her memories fresh, her dislikes, likes, any funny memories.

@Katex888 a journal is a really good idea, thank you. Grief is such a difficult topic, I think it’s impossible to fathom unless you’ve been unfortunate enough to experience the loss of someone close and it’s not something you hope people get to experience but it can make it lonely too