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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get her a nice cake?

20 replies

Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:22

Its my sisters birthday this week. It's a big one and so we are all going away for the weekend - Dsis, Dbro, DM and all our partners and kids. We've split the cost per room (so those with kids are paying more).

I agreed with her DP that I would sort the cake, I usually bake cakes for friends and family, to a high standard and have also baked (and been paid for) friends celebration and wedding cakes when asked. Unfortunately the kids are sick and I'm not going to get chance to bake and ice one to a standard I am happy with so I have asked a local bakery to do one. It's a bakery/ cafe and their cakes are divine, so I'm really happy. I've told her DP who is happy and I've also told my mum.

My mum is NOT happy. She wants me to cancel and get one of those £10 supermarket tray bake cakes. I'm not sure why, I'm buying the cake, so it isn't like I'm asking her to contribute! I don't particularly like those supermarket cakes and I know DSIS will appreciate it. Mum isn't even going to eat it (she's vegan).

So am I being unreasonable to buy the cake I want and think my sister will like most?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:24

I know this should be a complete non-issue, but mum has made a really big deal about it and I'm not sure why! It's really throwing my judgement off.

OP posts:
Scarlett555 · 15/09/2019 17:26

YABU! Mum knows best and she only deserves a tray bake.

Just kidding of course YANBU.

Marshmallow91 · 15/09/2019 17:26

If you can afford it and your sister will like it, then why not?? Cake

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/09/2019 17:26

No, that sounds nice to me. Sort of thing my DM would fuss about. More about control, less about the cake in my DM's case....ring any bells? Grin

OwlinaTree · 15/09/2019 17:27

Is she a bit jealous because there's a big deal being made of this birthday and maybe not this level of fuss for her big birthday?

BarbaraofSeville · 15/09/2019 17:30

Your DM is mad. Most supermarket cake isn't very nice, and it's your money.

Get whatever cake you want. But there is a chocolate cake with chocolate decorations in m&s that is really nice and I rarely say that about mass market cake.

BeanBag7 · 15/09/2019 17:30

She is BU. As long as you're not asking her to pay for it, it's none of her business.

BogglesGoggles · 15/09/2019 17:31

Supermarket cakes are disgusting. Better no cake than a supermarket cake.

fedup21 · 15/09/2019 17:32

How much has the cake you’ve got cost?

What are your mum’s reasons for not wanting this one?

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:32

OwlinaTree definitely not, we organised a surprise party for her 50th and my sis and I have just arranged with her to go to New York for her 60th next year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:35

fedup21 £40. If I made it myself it'd be about £25 - £30, for ingredients so I don't think it's very reasonable.

SpongeBob yes, I think you are right.

I don't like supermarket cake and wouldn't have a slice, DH feels the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:35

*don't think it's unreasonable

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/09/2019 17:36

If you know the bakery cake is good YANBU. I have had some disgusting, expensive bakery cakes (and some lovely ones). I had to do an emergency birthday cake purchase last Sunday, from Tesco, and it was enjoyed by everyone. So price can be misleading.

bridgetreilly · 15/09/2019 17:42

Your mother is being bonkers about this. It's also none of her business - it's your sister's birthday and you are bringing the cake. She doesn't get to micro-manage what cake you bring.

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 17:47

Aroundtheworld the cakes there are absolutely amazing! I wouldn't trust an untested bakery but they make the cakes they sell in the cafe as whole cakes to take away as a side business and I had a slice of the one I ordered today, it was yummy.

OP posts:
RosesAndRaindrops · 15/09/2019 17:52

Ooh, a 100% YANBU, that's a first! Grin
Seriously, what is your mum's problem with this? I could understand if you were asking for contribution, but if you're buying it I don't know why she's being so weird about it!
Especially if she's vegan so not even going to be bloody eating it anyway!

Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 19:11

Roses my mum isn't particularly 'foodie' she eats to live sort of thing so I don't think she sees the point in paying for nice food.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffsmum · 15/09/2019 20:15

So 100% of people think IANBU. That's good!

OP posts:
TheRLodger · 15/09/2019 20:19

Yanbu Say if I was going to make the cake it would cost me more than a £10 or pretty near to. And That’s not even mentioning that yours would taste a lot nicer.

melj1213 · 15/09/2019 20:33

Yanbu, it's your money so your decision.

The only thing I can think of to possibly make your mum so against it is that she doesn't realise how much the cake would have cost to make and thinks you're wasting your money on the bakery cake.

Does she know that the cake you were planning to make would have cost around the same as the £40 one you are buying (once ingredients, costs and labour are factored in) or does she maybe think the cake would have only cost £10 to make so thinks it's a waste to spend the extra £30 instead of buying a store one? Like the idea was for a homemade cake, but if it's going to be bought, why spend the extra?

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