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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don’t like my friend’s annoying child

69 replies

Katex888 · 15/09/2019 15:25

I work four days a week as my children are school age now. I savour my one child free day to see friends, shopping, housework and others things I can get on with peacefully.

I’m in a circle of friends who meet up regularly for a coffee and it’s great to talk without any children. One of my friends has a three year old and a baby, and she requests on a regular basis if she could visit me at home. I’ve told her bluntly, it’s my one day of peace and I don’t wish to spend it entertaining her DS who is very hyper and making a mess in my house. She knows this as last visit I was scraping cake off my wallpaper due to her unruly son. Also, during the last visit she was annoyed I only had cheese and onion crisps to offer her DS, it’s public knowledge that her precious DS only consumes prawn cocktail. I’m very straightforward and I told her I’m not a supermarket thank you very much.

Now I asked her if I just pop into her house as it’s easier. She said no because she prefers my house as it is clean and smells nice. My house isn’t perfect, but I’ve always taught my sons to clean up after themselves. They are boisterous and hard work, but they know to clean up after their mess and tidy up, its their chores. My children are probably annoying to other people, but I don’t force them onto anyone else and they do behave relatively well in public. The consequences are too dire for them (no beloved Nintendo).

Now she’s asking me if I can take her clothes shopping as she wants a new wardrobe and she knows il give her my honest opinion. I said that’s fine, should we go on a Saturday so that her DP can look after the kids, she said no her DP likes Saturday to himself to relax. She still thinks the sun shines out of his lazy arse but I don’t say anything, their marriage isn’t my business. I said shopping with kids with be difficult, she said it’s fine as there’s two adults me and her, we’ll have one child each on the tube. Still, I refused to go on the tube to Bond Street with her kids, especially as her DS runs away at every opportunity.

Now, she’s asked me if I’m willing to go London Zoo with her kids, I said no as I’ve only just been in the summer with my lot. I asked her why they don’t they go as a family, she said it’s because her DP works five a days and I work four. He said if you got a friend who is available on Fridays you should take her instead. Also “if she’s a good friend then she would do it for you”. That’s really riled me up they are now emotionally trying to guilt me.

I was very close to telling her to F OFF but I didn’t and I wouldn’t. My DH tells me to just cut her off and save myself the headache.

I do like her as a person, we get on really well just not with her childr always there. They are badly behaved and I’m past the toddler stage, I don’t want to go back to that. Tell me straight up am I being a mean old cow?

OP posts:
category12 · 15/09/2019 15:58

I don't understand why she needs you to go to the zoo. Or anyone.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/09/2019 16:06

I think you should say to her once and for all, to ask her husband to look after the kids

After all, "if he was a good husband he would do it for her".

What cheeky, emotionally blackmailing buggers they are! Tell her "No" again, and that if she asks even once more you will block her number.

zoetrope2012 · 15/09/2019 16:10

No you're not being a mean cow.
Her DH is taking the piss and she's going along with it conveniently.
I honestly don't understand her DH - why have kids if you don't want to spend your weekend with them/ or show them the delights of the zoo?
I'd tell my friend I was up for one-on-one catchups but as I have a family and job of my own, I'd rather not increase my stress levels by providing inadvertent childcare.
Sounds like she does not value your friendship.

Drum2018 · 15/09/2019 16:12

Shes a CF and her Dh is even worse. The fucking cheek of him not to mind his own kids so she can go shopping and not to go to the zoo with her and the kids, but expect that you'd do it. No way would I be hanging out with her in those circumstances. Tell her you'll happily shop without kids and that her Dh needs to get over himself. If she turns up at the station to go shopping with the kids in tow, then just turn around and go home. I have friends who have kids similar age to my youngest. We meet up in evenings and never bring the kids - it's our time to catch up for dinner/coffee without kids hanging out of us. Maybe you should arrange to meet her for the cinema/dinner after her lazy fuck of a Dh gets in from work.

Fundays12 · 15/09/2019 16:13

I have a school age child, toddler and baby and don’t think you are being mean. I can’t think of anything I would want to do less than take my 2 youngest kids shopping. Her DH is lazy and useless. He can’t have his sats to himself he has children end off. We all need time off from our kids but not every weekend.

Your not mean at all your friends ds sounds like a pain to be honest. I wouldn’t take any of my kids to someone’s house and expect them to provide anything for them let alone a certain type of crisps and I would be furious if they made a mess like that in my own house let alone someone else’s.

It’s hard when you have friends or family members whose kids you don’t like. DH has a 3 year old niece neither he or I like much. She is attention seeking, sullen, spoiled, rude, has no idea how to play with kids her own age and is not nice to my nearly 3 year old but her mum and my MIL think she is sociable and generally the most amazing child in the world. We do our best to keep our distance.

AlexaAmbidextra · 15/09/2019 16:21

I agree wholeheartedly with you OP. But no doubt someone will be along soon to tell you you’re being ‘unkind’ as she’s obviously a poor stressed mummy who needs support. 🙄

LL83 · 15/09/2019 16:22

If you were to go out with her on a Saturday it would either be adults only or include your own children too. She is outrageous to think you will skip time on time with your own dh and kids to spend it with hers so her dh can relax!

NearlyGranny · 15/09/2019 16:25

Some friendships need to be allowed to either on the vine through sheer neglect: I think this may be one of them.

schoolsoutforever · 15/09/2019 16:26

There is no way I'd do any of that on my day off. Just say no. If she's your friend surely she'd be happy to see you when she's free to do adult things together. She needs to find other friends with toddlers and have a word with her partner. Neither of these are your problems though...

Inliverpool1 · 15/09/2019 16:26

She’s just lonely and unsupported

Goodlookingcreature · 15/09/2019 16:27

Hahaha I couldn’t stop laughing reading the OP! I wish I could be friends with you

Topsy44 · 15/09/2019 16:31

You are definitely not being mean. I work 4 days a week and my DD is at school. There is no way I would be having a friend round with pre school children on my day off.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/09/2019 16:32

She’s just lonely and unsupported

But she could have company and be supported in her own home if she would welcome the OP round for a cuppa as OP suggested.

She won't.

LatentPhase · 15/09/2019 16:35

CF’ery of the highest order.

She has a sexist, lazy husband and a crap marriage and is using you to plug the gaps.

No thanks.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 15/09/2019 16:39

Her DH is lazy, she’s demanding and small children are irritating once yours are no longer small.

Stick to your guns, you’re happy to go shopping with her without the kids. Maybe suggest you go to London zoo in the holidays when your DC are off, they might be able to entertain her DS and make him less annoying. I certainly wouldn’t be going on a zoo trip on my day off without my DC there!

Creatureofthenight · 15/09/2019 16:41

Good grief, I’d rather have a migraine than take my toddler up to Bond Street shopping!
As someone above said, I would feel a bit sorry for her as her husband sounds like a dick.
Give her 2 options- with the kids at her house or without the kids wherever you like. That’s it.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/09/2019 16:44

The biggest thing from your post that stood out is that she won't invite you around to hers.

Does her 3yo go to nursery? He should get his free hours now. Why not suggest she asks nursery to swap them around so he has a Friday morning and you to meet then?

HeadintheiClouds · 15/09/2019 16:47

I am really stunned that anyone telling you they prefer to come to your house all the time because it’s clean and it smells nice was ever taken seriously? Do you have difficulty asserting yourself?

Rocketmanager · 15/09/2019 16:49

He thinks you should be his children’s parent on your day off.
Thank goodness you are able to stand up for yourself, that doesn’t mean you’re a mean old cow.

fedup21 · 15/09/2019 16:52

Now I asked her if I just pop into her house as it’s easier. She said no because she prefers my house as it is clean and smells nice.

Wtf!

She’s using you-your house, your time, your capacity as a functioning adult. She really isn’t a very good friend.

I’m not sure why you won’t tell her to F off; I would!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 15/09/2019 16:54

You really don't seem to like her very much. I agree with @GiveMeHope103, I can't see what either of you are getting from this friendship. Just let it drift away now.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 15/09/2019 16:57

I might be the only one who doesnnt mind meeting up with friends and their younger DC while mine are at school!
I just don’t see it as my responsability to look after them (and my friends don’t try to make me), I will do the occasional holding the baby / role playing with the toddler / offering my laps to seat on etc. But I am not expected to, and that makes the difference maybe.
OP if you went to the zoo for ex, would your friend expect you to co-parent (ie take them to the loo, assist them at mealtime etc)?

Hellywelly10 · 15/09/2019 16:57

What do you like about her op?

MsTSwift · 15/09/2019 17:00

There is a good reason that parents of pre schoolers socialise together and share the pain. Don’t drag us parents of over 10s down with you please we’ve served our time

nononever · 15/09/2019 17:01

You are most definitely not being a mean old cow. And for the record `I wouldn't care if both children were angels of the highest order, I still would not go clothes shopping with them on a Saturday in London, especially so if they had a father who wanted to sit on his arse having the day to himself rather than look after his own children.

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