To hate his guts

[Hatehim]

My p dropped off the face of the earth on Friday night didn’t bother coming home until 7am Saturday morning. Ignored his phone to me all night and I am heavily pregnant.

Yesterday he spent the day in bed sleeping off his hangover until about 4.30 I had done everything in the house that needs to be done, he was moaning about it calling me a fucking idiot from the bedroom because I had the vac on. Semi on purpose. But just because he wants to go out on the lash and go awol for the night doesn’t mean the world stops turning! When he eventually resurfaced he TEXT me from upstairs saying sorry and he knows he messed up. We are due to move in a few weeks and I had text him on the Friday saying if this is how it’s going to be then I’m not moving with him. He brought this up saying he will let his landlord know he isn’t moving now. I said rather than reassure me it’s not going to happen again (also his work are on top of firing any employees who rest positive for any substance) he would rather take the easy route and stay put. Too difficult to change his behaviour and attitude. I have a child
To think about and he comes first every single
Time.

So after a long text message argument, which I’m kind of glad it was over text as I couldn’t bare listening to it, we haven’t spoken to each other. He’s acting like a kid asking if I’m going out today and he thinks it’s best if I do go out and look at leaving the house TODAY because he doesn’t want it drawn out. He’s a fucking dick head. I said have a good think about your behaviour this weekend it was you who dropped off the face of the earth on Friday and I have every right to be upset you on the other hand have no right to treat me like it’s me who’s in the wrong.

I know first hand how stubborn he is and it makes me want to fly up the stairs and punch his head in (I’d never do that) but feel like doing it. Not hard to come and say you’re sorry is it to someone’s face. But yet it’s me who’s being penalised and being told to leave because ‘if you don’t like it then leave’ yeah I will do mate and I’ll take everything I’ve paid for so enjoy sitting on the floor.

I know it’s time for me to leave. Even more so that we have a baby on the way. I hate his guts.

Who’s house is it? Do you have anywhere to go?

I left my house to move in with him as we did live separately but needed a bigger house and this was the transition to move in together he had 2 kids from a previous relationship.

I can go somewhere but I don’t have anywhere to put a full room of my belongings, I.e cot Moses basket clothes, my clothes, everything all my worldly possessions. And I don’t want to be carting it all about whilst in so far on. I’ve told
Him in staying until I find a house which hopefully will be sooner rather than later

If you put up with it he’ll just keep on doing it.

You say you are due to move in but then you say he’s telling you to get out - do you have a home of your own still? You and your baby are the most important thing. Not this man-child. Don’t rise to his arguments, they will then bring you down to his level and give him something to throw back at you. Just live your own life and then when he is mature enough maybe he’ll change his ways. Out of interest, how old is he?

I’m just so upset and don’t understand how pug headed someone can be. They know they are at fault but let’s deflect and blame me for it.

Old enough to know better! Nearly 40!

Sorry - Cross post. I think you need space. Do you have your mum or other family / friends you could spend the day with?

Due to move into a new house but i move in at his place for a few weeks just to get some money together and it makes it easier for transit purposes if we just move one house rather than 2

Yeah I’m going to meet my friends for dinner and a bit of shopping. I know he’s upset with himself for doing it but it’s not my fault and I won’t take the brunt of it.

He's trying to manipulate you into retreating, blaming yourself and apologising so he'll take back his threats.

Have you got anyone who can support you in finding somewhere else to live and moving?

Manchild. He won’t change.

I do have places where I can go. But I feel embarrassed asking for the help because it was me who left my house thinking everything would be sunshine and rainbows and we would be this big happy family in our new house with our new baby. I need to ask for the help it’s not healthy for me to stay here.

I’ll never retreat and he will never get an apology out of me. I can be just as stubborn but the difference with me is if I have made an error or messed up then I’ll say I’m sorry and do what I can to put it right. Not necessarily begging forgiveness and saying I’m sorry all the time because in my mind there’s only so many times u can say sorry before people start using it to make you feel bad about a mistake. He knows this is what I’m like and knows a genuine apology would have been enough and also for him to change his behaviour. I don’t mind him going out for beers when I’m pregnant or any other time but when it’s awol uncontactable and then staggers home at 7am it’s a piss take and warrants an apology and trying to make it right. Not exactly asking for much other than a basic level of courtesy and respect

At nearly 40, he’ll never change.
Don’t be embarrassed asking for help. Your friends and family will want the best for you and will help out.