Hi all,
I’m the type of person that usually appreciates gift gestures no matter what. But I’ve never come across gifts like this which I’m starting to feel weird about.
MIL keeps gifting me things for occasions. Most of them are from primary, or items on discounts. Sometimes she forgets the label and it’s a 5 pound item. For the arrival of her grandchild and so on... but I honestly don’t have a problem with the value.
SHe is the wealthiest woman I know. For the record. Highest income.
What I do have a problem with I that it often an item that doesn’t actually suit. It’s either an item with a stain and she says she got it because it’s reduced and that I can hide it with a cardigan. Or an oversized dresss that she bought for me as well as her mother in law and tells me it’s ok wear it when your pregnant. Or a pink bib for her grandson that says “daddy’s little girl” and says it’s becsuse it was on a discount. Or a shoe for her grandson that will only fit him 5 years later because it was on a discount.
Now... honestly, these are the only gifts she gives. On big occasions like birth and so on. It’s only been three or four times that I liked her gifts. I’ve never liked any of her gifts but always accepted it politely and just put it away.. but I’m sure she knows she is being silly.
I don’t easily get offended. I feel like it’s ok that’s her taste . We don’t have a good relationship and I feel like I don’t wanna make a fuss out of this.
Now, when I give her gifts... I usually go out of my way to see what she likes. A couple of times I got her reasonable gifts from good shops, and she told me she was giving it away because it’s not her taste.. she made a point to say that.. even though they were actually nice. I then started buying her cosmetics and she didn’t show much appreciation. So then started listening to what she “needs” and encouraging DH to buy for her, like a blowdryer and so on. In conversations.
So I stopped putting effort, and started buying standard things or no gifts at all to her directly but by associations (grandkids or the house or so on).
My SIL once told me that MIL gives me lots of gifts because she thinks She has a better taste in clothing. Even though it’s the worst gifts I ever get. But I know she is envious Of the little times a slipper looked nice (she actually did) and I feel like I don’t want to take her words seriously. SIL has form for undermining my background which isn’t as wealthy as theirs, however I actually don’t buy myself crap like this or gift people wrong items for a saving. SIL has form for saying very rude things to DH about how he should buy me gifts from charity shops because I don’t mind, while she only is used to the poshest. She likes her digs like that.
Now all this doesn’t bother me. I use what I find nice and put away what gets on my nerves.
But what really pissed me off is that we bought MIL a gift worth 70 pounds for no occasion only recently. Something she hardly would ever do.. but it was an item that she needed and I overheard from a conversation. Value for money and all.
We r actually skint. But there are very few acts of kindness I can do towards this woman because I have so many issues around her disrespecting me. And I generally just encourage DH to do the right thing as I feel she is so dramatic and ends up controlling him with guilt tripping and these little gestures help him cope.
Now it’s onlt been 3 months since we gifted her something that to us was costly. And to her standard of what she gifts is way better..
I don’t keep score like this but I’m starting to feel like this is something she is purposely doing because ...
Two days ago she mentioned to DH that there is an occasion coming up and that she was hinting st a gift she wanted.. from selfiridges.. not value for money.. very expensive. Just for the label. To look posh amongst her peers. She kept hinting and hinting .
I told DH he is free to use his personal savings to do what he wants but as he has none atm and we are behind on our loans ... I am not happy with making her think she is entitled to ask for gifts that are purely for the label, when all she buys me is crap. I didn’t say it directly like that but I just said I don’t see the need for her dictating what gifts we buy especially when she knows our circumstances. But truthfully I’m resentful when comparing it to what gifts she gets me and my son.. I don’t even want her gifts. She imposes it on me and then insists I wear it to occasions she is there.. I recently started making up excuses to not wear them. It’s all because she wants to prove to her son that she loves me but in reality she wants to put crap effort into it.
Anyway.. I know I’m being petty. I really would prefer if she just gives me no gifts and expects nothing. I would still get her gifts when we can... which are actually decent.. because I don’t keep scores.. but what I don’t like is her having expectations of us that are not even close to what she does to our family.
She never gets DH any gifts. I often mention how he is jealous that the gifts are coming to me and not him..and how my son deserves the gift more than me. But it’s all coming to me. Almost always followed by her stating to her son how she loves me and That I need to do this and that for her.
Anyway I guess I already know this is shit but am looking for validation.. is there anyone here who can validate that I’m not crazy to feel offended by how she thinks she is a queen that deserves the poshest and that anything else is below her standard, while she literally buys me crap. It’s the concept.
I want to find ways to handle this gift giving crap without allowing her drama tantrums and without letting them hurt DH any further because she looks for ways to hurt him and he is struggling with depression because of her attitude and dealing with things slowly. So I try to let many things go so he feels minimal hurt.. but maybe I can handle things myself without drama.