Jesy Nelson - Odd One Out

[MT2017]

AIBU to think it's so sad that all the way through achieving her dream of winning X Factor she felt so awful about herself.

But those people who posted really don't give a shit, do they. KH amongst them.

Did she always have low self esteem? I think She had alopecia at aged 13 - 7years before she won X factor.

It sounds like the band wasn't well managed! No surprise there. The music industry is hardcore, money, not exactly caring - no one taking care of young girls and their well being!! Where was the management of the band, who should have been looking after all the girls, checking if they were ok mentally etc. That clearly never happened.

I agree. She was missing gigs etc - she was basically missing work. Any other employer would have done at least a rudimentary check in that situation rather than putting a cardboard cutout of her on a set to make up for her absence and treating it like a joke.

She was definitely less than robust to start with - poverty, lack of academic achievements, alopecia, none of this equips a person for being able to deal with the entire brutal interaction that being in the public eye involves.

To be clear, that doesn't mean I'm saying it's her fault. I'm saying that the people around her who made a fucktonne of money out of her were obviously aware of this and did nothing to protect her, which is disgusting. I mean, I know these things about her from a quick Google. They were working with her every day. They knew what was going on with her and what had gone on with her in the past. Where the fuck were they?

I’m not a psychologist but I’m almost CERTAIN that KH has a few issues- psychopathy being one of them. She seems to be completely lacking empathy. There are many people like this. Usually, people who have found success by treating people like shit are psychopaths. It not really surprising or worth talking about because the likes of PM and KH will never change.

@absopugginglutely

It's about the effect it has though. I think we should talk about it, otherwise people think they are suffering this kind of bullying alone and don't realise they do have support.

@MT2017 i meant don't bother talking about the psychopath
KH

I cried several times watching this. Found the whole documentary very raw and emotional.

It highlights what a horrible platform social media can be, for someone as beautiful as jesey to be made to feel so worthless by a band of unnamed trolls that she tried to take her own life if beyond me.

The part about how she starved herself for the comeback performance on the xfactor to be scalded by that vile bitch and called fat in the press the next day really riled me up.

The fact she now still hates how she looks in music videos and photo shoots just shows how affected she is by the online opinion of strangers and that she strives for perfection at all times.

My heart just broke for her and it highlights a very real and sad reality that we live in. Young woman are made to feel that they have to be skinny, they have to wear make up, they have to dress a certain way, and if they don't they are judged and called out and put down on social media by anonymous keyboard gangsters who get a kick out of putting other people down.

A lot more has to be done about this kind of online bullying and social media giants should be doing all they can to help prevent this kind of behaviour. Esp when it is leading others like jesey and the girl in the show, to take or attempt to take their own lives.

It is incredibly sad to see a young woman with such cripplingly low self-esteem. I feel the same when I read about Katie Price. They both tie up their entire self worth in what people think and are then exploited.

I haven't watched it yet. I've always thought she was the most classically beautiful of all of them so it's horrifying she could think of herself in this way.
Katie Hopkins is a vile cow who's simply jealous. I wish people would stop indulging her.

It was a sad watch, espcially that young woman who committed suicide I'm not the biggest listener of their music but whenever I saw them Jesy always seemed to look so confident, and like the natural 'leader' of the group iyswim. And all those insecurities and sadness just bubbling underneath

It makes me feel worried for my little girl growing up. Social media is wonderful for people to connect in some ways but so so shit in many others.

Also they are so young and have naturally good skin etc - when they are older / have children, or with the natural process of aging, how will they all feel about themselves then?

I don't think this is about beauty per se. This is about how you feel about yourself.

I haven't watched it, but I have read an interview she did which was about the programme, and went into detail about what she went through.
I honestly don't get the mindset of trolls, people dragging others down and slagging them off, I just don't get it.
You see it on here as well, eg IG thread personalities - actual grown ups doing it

She was extremely courages to be so open about such horrendous trauma, a truly wonderful young woman. Hope someone shows her this thread.
Ps, her mum also lovely!

I think she was extremely brave to speak so openly.

I was bullied to the point of considering suicide as a teen. Psychological bullying, never physical. I had to change schools and have many horrible memories of staying in on my own at lunch in the staffroom because no one would spend any time with it (ironically the bullies were allowed their lunch break outside, it was easier to keep me in!). Things like going to sit down on a science bench and every other single person along the bench getting up and moving seats. Just horrendous.

Even now as a nearly 40 year old it hurts so much, I don’t trust people because of it. I still question my appearance because of some of the things people said about me. They used to laugh and say I had a massive forehead, I still never tie my hair up because of that.

Words hurt.

Me not it, clearly.

she was brave, and, I'm sure, well-meaning to do the programme, but I don't think that the 'takeaway message' is really what she/the makers intended it to be.

There was just a huge amount of irony, firstly in the way she said that she hoped her fans could follow her example and learn to love themselves - yes, after she'd spent a lot of money on therapy and extensive cosmetic surgery, the first of which most of her young fans probably couldn't afford, the second of which is as unaffordable, and far from desirable as a coping mechanism.

Secondly, when she uploaded the photo of the 'old Jesey' on instagram SECONDS after saying 'Social media is a curse/inescapable/to blame for this intensity of bullying,' and then was sitting there refreshing it, saying, 'It's already got 18 comments.' Post therapy she was still doing exactly the same thing as what she'd admitted was her problem - relying on social media for validation. She was happy because there were so many supportive comments on there - okay, great, but you could see the moment one person said something nasty that was the one she would have focused on.

Thirdly the way even after she was shown as being so unhappy with how she looked bts in the music video, on her own instagram she had put multiple highly filtered pictures up of her in her outfit - thus promoting unrealistic expectations to her young fans.

I don't see how you can blame social media for your poor body mage, and imply young girls are unhappy because all the focus is on their looks while maintaining a highly filtered social media presence yourself and frequently performing with a huge amount of makeup on, in incredibly skimpy, sexualised outfits in an industry and band targeted specifically at young girls!

I totally agree with OnceAndAgain: there are many facets at play here: social media, bullying, vile KH.

But at the very core, is crippling low self esteem.

Agree with pp that's she's v similar to KP.

What she has done, (and the physical changes, the money that she's had available for counselling etc, ) isn't available to most young girls.

It's still left her a shell of a women, who is barely able to go out, but still courts SM religiously. To gain self worth? It's as though she's learnt nothing.

And thus, what she has become, is NOT a role model for young girls.

I agree that this should be shown across all schools and colleges as lots have said on social media. However let's not forget that adults can be as bad as Katie Hopkins proved. I've been on the receiving end of some thoughtless online comments recently (from a former 'friend's believe it or not) and, whilst I just used the block button, I can't pretend that I haven't been hurt and am still hurting. The message from the show must surely be, if you can't be kind, be quiet.

I thought she was very brave and it’s added into a very important conversation

Am very curious why at NO stage has anyone mentioned coming OFF social media for a wee while ?

Maybe I am
Missing something here but if that were my
Friend or child that would be a suggestion

No social media - no oxygen surely ? Here we have a young woman who was pretty normal and balanced and then was thrown into distress by vile online comments

I don’t think she is out of the park either and hope she gets and retains some more robust support moving forward

I also think it’s worth having a discussion about the trolls
I am
Guessing they do this because on some
Level they hate themselves . I think understanding this would help
The victims

Really sad that they affected her this way

That said I would struggle to
Imagine anyone not affected by the
Level of abuse she received

I found this terribly upsetting watching this. So did DH and he's known for his lack of empathy at times!

It was so telling that here Mum said that "if she could have her old Jesy back and everything could go back to how it was she'd do it in a heartbeat". I thought her Mum was lovely.

I hope she continues to make progress and feels better. It was shocking. I think Nicola from Girl's Aloud had a similar experience.

So many nasty people. I think this should be shown in schools.

I don’t agree about it being shown in schools. I don’t see what would be gained from it, other than promoting an idea that you should change to beat the trolls, as it were. The only bit that I think would actually be useful in a school context is the part where she talks to the group about the impact that online bullying had on them, and that’s nothing that schools can’t already cover.

I don’t know how I feel about this. Terribly sad for her and shocked at what she has gone through of course. But these stories always have a certain sort of narrative arc to them - “I went through hell and now I’ve come out the other side and all is fine”. I just don’t think that all is now fine.

I too think it should be shown in schools. What it shows is how a few comments online can completely ruin someone's life, to the point where they're contemplating suicide. If that stops a few hundred bullies, or makes them think twice, then it's worth it.

In her early days on Xfactor, she came across as being so confident and sure of herself. Unfortunately that in itself causes jealousy in a lot of people. The whole thing was so upsetting.

@Pikapikachooo because her record company said all the girls had to have social media.