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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she shouldn't have said this?

14 replies

namechange484 · 14/09/2019 22:01

Went food shopping with DD today (10 yrs old) who is autistic and almost completely nonverbal. Went well, we got towards the end and DD was stood at the end of an aisle, it's those aisles that have shelves there so she was stood in an open space with the trolley behind her, and I popped just a couple of steps away (not around any corners at all) to put something back and as I turned to head back to DD a security guard stood a few feet away says "yes, we have cameras, so don't even think about stealing that".

DD has a tendency to stare towards the ceiling like she's daydreaming, like a dazed stare, and she had her teddy in her hands, and that's why the security guard thought she was looking towards the ceiling for cameras to steal her own teddy Hmm I politely sold the her that it was DDs and got the trolley and we walked away.

I get she was just doing her job, it was close to the toy's aisle so maybe they've had incidents of children thieving but AIBU to think it was also a little cheeky? DD obviously not affected by it, so I don't know why I am!

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 14/09/2019 22:03

Hope DD was OK. Does seem like a strange thing to say but it was probably her idea of humour.

Biancadelrioisback · 14/09/2019 22:08

I'd assume from the security guards perspective, she has seen children/teens shoplift plenty of times and holding an item while looking for cameras is probably quite the give away.
She had no way of knowing if your DD was autistic.

Biancadelrioisback · 14/09/2019 22:09

Not sure id find someone doing their job cheeky...

expatinspain · 14/09/2019 22:19

No, they shouldn't. They wouldn't say the same to an adult who was standing staring with something in their hands, so why is it ok to say it to a child?!

Lemoneeza · 14/09/2019 22:22

pretty sure they would also say it to an adult?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 14/09/2019 22:23

Why didn’t you tell them she had no intention of stealing anything! She wouldn’t have said that had you been standing beside her. I would have asked for an apology. I’d probably put in a complaint too.

Templetonstunafish · 14/09/2019 22:28

I would complain. It's her job to catch shoplifters, not intimidate disabled children. It wouldn't be ok to say that to an adult either.

leaserspottedmummybird · 14/09/2019 22:41

My dd also has autism/ non verbal. Complain. That's a nasty thing to say to a young girl with a disability. Security person needs a verbal kick up the arse bishop Brennan style.

Sunshine93 · 14/09/2019 22:48

They wouldn't say the same to an adult who was standing staring with something in their hands, so why is it ok to say it to a child

This exactly. I recently got annoyed by a woman at co-op who said to my children "are we done now guys?" As they took their time to put their money in their wallets. They had spent some pocket money. It annoyed me so much because there no way they would have spoken like that to an elderly person who was taking their time (and they really.werent taking that long btw)., they were literally just putting their change in their wallets..I was so annoyed and did say to the woman that I thought it was unnecessary to rush them. They had spent money in the shop so why shouldn't they be allowed a few seconds to put their change away?

Its blatant ageism to treat children differently they are not less than us, they are not better either they are equal so if we wouldn't say it to an adult why is it ok.to say it to a child?

leaserspottedmummybird · 14/09/2019 22:53

My dp once tore strips off some little old lady who shouted at my autistic dd that 'people like you shouldn't be allowed out in public' when dd tried to button up her jacket. ( dd loves buttons done up) dp then complained to the manager and threatened to have the lady banned from the store. She was very apologetic unsurprisingly Grin

EmmiJay · 14/09/2019 23:16

Thats given me slight rage because it reminded me of the time I accompanied DD (ASD) on a trip to the beach. She had bought a large twisty lolly at the souvenir shop which I told her, and she understood, was only to be eaten at home. The coach driver said to her, "Do NOT eat that on my coach." I saw red. I told him not to address a child that wasn't his own in that manner ever again and that anything he needed to say should be told to a teacher or parent. He flushed red and didn't respond. DD's teacher gave me a wink for that lol. Glad you spoke up as well OP!

PumpkinP · 14/09/2019 23:23

Similar thing happened to me, took my children into the coop a few weeks back and we were standing in one of the aisles and I told them they could pick something, I was standing there right next to them but looking at my own stuff. The security guard came marching over and told my children to not touch anything unless they were buying it! Since when was that the rules?! I put my shopping down and left and haven’t been back since. I did put in a complaint at the time to costumer services who were really unhappy with the way we were treated, the woman even called the store to tell them that the way the security guard acted wasn’t acceptable and they sent out a voucher but I haven’t been back since. Some security guards are power mad.

expatinspain · 15/09/2019 08:21

pretty sure they would also say it to an adult? Of course they wouldn't Confused They would watch them and stop them as they left the shop if they suspect someone is stealing something. Have you honestly been in a shop where you've seen a security guard speak to an adult like that?

Lemoneeza · 16/09/2019 18:53

@21expatinspain yes I have.

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