Is he mentally unstable?

[CallmeStacey]

A few months back I had a horizontal career move. My new manager told me a few days in not to expect to be friends as he separates his work life from his personal life.

I found this abrupt but reflected that maybe I had said or done something friendly although I can’t think what! I made sure I was always professional since.

Some time later he tells me about something vulnerable out of the blue. I was compassionate to him because I could not ignore that he was in pain.

Then he ghosted me for days. He literally stopped talking to me while he was still talking to other staff members.

A couple of weeks later he has a long and friendly chat with me. Then again, he ghosts me for 2 weeks.

It’s an ongoing cycle. My gut feeling tells me that he really doesn’t like me and he makes an effort once in every 2 weeks. Or he is mentally unstable.

Why is his issue just with me though?

I had a manager not too dissimilar to this. Sometimes I was his best friend and confidant, and would get invited to go round for dinner with his wife and kids (never happened) and other times I'd be blanked and made to feel stupid for being friendly. Sometimes the shift in behaviour would be hours, not days.

It's really unstable and unfair. It contributed partially to me leaving my job I was good at, despite talking with HR, he never did anything specifically wrong, but made the entire office feel uncomfortable.

I'd suggest if it's something that is preventing you from being able to concentrate on your job, you bring it up with HR. Ultimately this person is going to be doing appraisals I assume for you, and unless you've not added important information (prior disagreement etc) then his behaviour toward you isn't really acceptable. A manager shouldn't be ghosting someone they manage in any situation, irrespective of disagreement or not.

Sounds like my last boss. He really over shared to start with then would go distant, then friendly, then humiliate me if I was friendly to him etc
He was unstable and reckless and I couldn’t work with him

its odd

i've experienced people that do the also, never been sure why. baffles me

On the rare occasions that he is nice, it is always in private. In front of other staff he is borderline mean to me. I feel pathetic writing this.

My appraisal is coming up... not looking good is it?

He's unstable and a bully. Plenty of his sort seem to find themselves in management positions unfortunately. I think if he seems to have made you a target for this sort of attention I'd be looking elsewhere for work. Sounds like you could be in for a reverse 'she is behaving inappropriately friendly with me and I have an issue with it' attack some point soon, i'd be ofskies before he gets that chance.