Do you help your friends ?

[NC4this123]

Not really an Aibu but wasn’t sure where to put it and I’m sure I’m going to be told I’m unreasonable anyway 😂 but basically had a friend a very long time. I have young kids, she has older kids. I pick places we meet up strategically so we can actually catch up rather than me running round after my toddler most of the time but sometimes it doesn’t happen. She will often watch me really struggling and just genuinely sit their watching... for example chasing toddler one way whilst push chair rolls the other .. and won’t grab one for me but watch, or one child calls me to do one thing whilst the other ones crying for something else and has to wait but she will just sit their looking at them crying rather than help as I have my hands full. I know my kids are 1000% my responsibility but wouldn’t you help a good friend? Just to add I’ve baby sat loaddddss for her and generally help my other friends when they need it, hold babies etc .. aibu?

I help my friends. I'm probably guilty of sticking my nose in if anything, but I wouldn't watch them struggle if I could help.

I'd help a stranger in that situation (the runaway pram) let alone a friend.

I'd imagine there's going to be a huge drip feed here, that something happened back when she first had her kids and you didn't help. Or, she's got some sort of social anxiety or similar issue that makes her unaware of normal behaviour.

Funny enough a stranger has helped me when I dropped my pram once actually 😂 no, nothing like that I don’t think 🤨

I would help someone struggling, but as someone that had dc earlier than peers, I’m also of the opinion that demanding toddlers are no longer my problem. Been there, done that.

Of course I’d help a stranger in the examples you mention, let alone a friend. But I’m afraid if it was a frequent occurrence I’d quickly get bored of providing a second pair of hands. Especially if we always had to meet with dc in places strategically chosen by the mother of young dc.

Maybe she struggles to relate to others children? I do... I love my own kids but rubbish at talking to others. Of course I would help a child or parent in immediate need but I do tend to let parents do their own thing. Maybe she feels awkward or maybe she doesn’t feel like it’s her job to interfere? I don’t think it makes her a bad person imo.

Her children are now slightly older so her toddler years are behind her also 🤣

For about a year I paid for all coffees /cakes /lunches for me and a friend after her marriage breakup and she was skint. Didn't cross my mind to mind.
Been bffs for 8 years.
Until the day she parked up her private reg Mercedes sports car..
Don't confuse helping with being a mug....

I find it rather odd that as someone who is a long term friend sitting their happily watching your child cry or be put in danger and her sitting back and (in my head) snuggly thinking how much better she was when hers were little

I have a friend with a child who runs off all the time. I have spent many catch ups chasing after him. He is 11 as is my middle child. Now I have a toddler and she just gawps when I am running around after my toddler. Some friends are users. As I am starting to uncomfortably realise. I tried pushing back (said no I couldn't go to a dinner to help so she could catch up with someone else and she's sulking I think).
Your friendship sounds onesided.

@TrainspottingWelsh I understand that, especially as I really only have patience for my own children but regardless of that would always help a friend and unfortunately we have to meet in toddler suitable places as we can’t meet alone as although I have someone who could baby sit, she doesn’t so would be a bit awkward leaving mine at home to meet up with her and her kids 😂.

I basically just wonder if we are at such different points in our lives it makes meeting difficult for now