Meeting up/Visiting people

[phoenixrosehere]

My husband informed me a couple of weeks ago that a few of his friends planned to come over tomorrow. I asked him a few days ago what time they were coming and he said he didn’t know. I asked again a moment ago if he knew and he said no and he hadn’t heard from them since I last asked. The plan is to show them around and have a meal.

Am I being unreasonable to think surely if you have plans on visiting someone you would give them a time or even a timeframe so they know when to expect you?

I have only come across this twice and only with his friends. When I have plans with someone, we give a day and time beforehand and confirm the night before. If anything changes before that, we let the other person know asap. I wondered if it was a cultural thing, but remembered that none of the people I’ve met here, colleagues, or his family ever did this.

If it were just DH and I, I wouldn’t mind but with us having two small children (4 yo with autism and a 23 mo) and one or both waking in the night, me putting them back to sleep which can range from 10 minutes to 2.5 hours 😔, I like to have a time frame so I can plan accordingly. Plus, since there will likely be six or seven of us, I could book a place to eat. Even a simple some time in the afternoon would suffice instead of nothing at all.

AIBU or should I just roll with it?

YANBU and since no time has been arranged I would assume it's not happening and make plans of your own.

@coconutpie

Made that mistake last time and husband’s friends texted a time two hours before they wanted to meet up in a location an hour away knowing they had plans afterwards. At the time, our oldest was one and wasn’t sleeping through and nursing. Even then I asked my husband at 2 am if he had heard anything and nothing then either. I honestly don’t understand it.

You're busy. Your husband is free to pop off and meet his mates tomorrow but they cant just invade your home at god knows what time with no warning. You cant have laid back sunday plans with 2 young kids - you need to know a time and the plans. I get it!

I would make my own plans with DC and leave DH to host his flakey friends.

You've done all you reasonably can, I think. I'd assume they're not coming, carry on as normal and, if there is a sudden phone call, let you're DH do the rushing about and organising.

Don't be role suctioned into hostess mode.

A reasonable response would be to say you would have made preparations for entertaining guests had you known whether and when they were actually coming and you made every effort to get that information but there was nothing.

Ask him what he proposes to do for his guests and say you'll keep your DC out of the way while he does it. If he asks for or expects anything else from you, the response must be that it's too late to do that now - these things need preparation.

Tell DH he can go out and meet his friends for lunch somewhere. You have plans with the DC at home. I can't stand it when people announce they are visiting and then don't commit to a time and expect you to sit around waiting all day long for them to arrive, it's so disrespectful.

Would it be a bit cheeky to leave the DCs with him and pop out for a cuppa on my own😉?

DH has a friend who visits our town frequently with his work and stays with us.
DH never knows when he is turning up and never bothered either but he is laid back about stuff like that. Me, I like to be organised and have a rough estimate of time.
However, it's gone on for the past year and I can't be doing organising my time around this flaky friend as him and DH can sort themselves out. Flaky friend is a right cheeky fucker who gives no thought to anyone but himself and deserves a thread of his own.

Not in the slightest.
If he's going off to meet them he can take one DC. It's always easier to have a quiet afternoon with just one DC I find.

Why don't you get take out? You offer to pick it up when they all arrive and leave dc with dh and friends.

Then take the long route to collect the take out, preferably via a coffee shop with a relaxing view!

Thanks all.

I’m just baffled by this type of set-up. I don’t get the reasoning of it. I would think by the night before you would have an inkling of some sort of time. I don’t know these friends that well since we don’t see them often and have only seen them about 3-4 times in about eight years. Some of them even have children, but they’re teens now so ai can only guess that they’ve forgotten what it’s like with young children.

@KellyHall

I might suggest that depending on what is agreed on. We’re outside of town so it would be a nice little walk into the town centre.

This is my in-laws to a tee. Lovely people but they seem to have no idea whatsoever that life with two working parents, two children and no local family is quite complicated.