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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby showers - what's acceptable nowadays?

22 replies

TrophyCat · 14/09/2019 18:49

Friend is pregnant with her 1st child. She asked someone to organise a baby shower for her, inviting friends and family. It's all booked (I've already RSVPd yes) at a naice restaurant.

We've just been sent a link to her gift registry. And everything on it is crazy expensive!!!

There is a £1000+ travel system/pram on it (maybe she's hoping her family will buy it???), One thing is £50, the rest is all £150+

Now, I had my DC years ago before baby showers were really a 'thing' but the few I've attended have either just been small with no wishlist or had things ranging from muslin squares up to a max of around £100.

This just seems so grabby and my first reaction was shock followed by manic laughter.

Should I (gently) tell her that her gift list is unrealistic or should I leave it?

So as not to drip feed she has some quite wealthy friends going and is maybe hoping that we'll happily fork for her, but even though I could afford it I resent being expected to spend out on ridiculously overpriced stuff.

OP posts:
BarbariansMum · 14/09/2019 18:51

If you are happy to go then go and get her an off list present or some vouchers. Or club together w a few friends for one of the cheaper gifts. That is totally outrageous (do you have to pay for your meal and help cover hers too?)

sleepismysuperpower1 · 14/09/2019 18:51

to be honest i would ignore the gift list, and get something within my budget or a gift card

Cornettoninja · 14/09/2019 18:52

Wow, she’s optimistic isn’t she?

If there was an option for vouchers that’s what she’d be getting off me.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/09/2019 18:55

Baby showers are toe curlingly grabby. But this We've just been sent a link to her gift registry is so horrendous, I can't quite believe the sense of entitlement.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/09/2019 18:56

Forget the gift list. Baby showers are in themselves terrible affairs anyway. Get some vouchers or indeed anything else that you can afford. Even the £50 gift is over the top. Buy her some Pampers nappies and be done with!

Original poster
TrophyCat · 14/09/2019 18:56

Meal has already been booked and paid for (it was £20 per head so totally reasonable).

I just don't think anyone will really be up for gifting her the nursery furniture! But I'm wondering if I should have a chat with her about what is normal regarding baby shower wishlists. Unless things have changed in recent years and this is now totally acceptable behaviour!

OP posts:
BarbariansMum · 14/09/2019 18:57

I wouldnt mention it, the damage is done. No point you making yourself a target for disappointed greed.

Madfrogs · 14/09/2019 18:59

No point in mentioning it. Just get something you think is appropriate. Never attend one again they are dull dull dull and grabby grabby grabby.

WaggingKnife · 14/09/2019 19:00

The only acceptable baby shower is no baby shower.

timshelthechoice · 14/09/2019 19:01

I'd just get her a voucher for the shop she's registered with. She is grabby AF. In the original tradition you don't ask someone to organise one for you, they volunteer to do so, you don't have one for subsequent children and you don't expect guests to pay to attend and give you a gift.

SingingSands · 14/09/2019 19:05

I agree with @WaggingKnife

As for asking for a baby shower to be organised for you... cringe. Is this so she doesn't have to buy any baby equipment herself? It just seems so cheap and grabby.

purplepoop · 14/09/2019 19:13

Baby showers are not acceptable. They are grabby.

Wait till the baby is born FFS.

ELM8 · 14/09/2019 19:15

I honestly think this is awful. Currently pregnant with my first and would be mortified at the thought of anyone buying ANYTHING I have asked for. If anyone wanted to get a gift/outfit/something cute that they chose I'd be so grateful but the idea of doing a list is actually making me cringe.

Go to the baby shower, don't buy from the list.

Rezie · 14/09/2019 19:18

In all babyshiwes I've been the people attending have all chipped in and bought one big present. So the mother to be gets one present. It fits better in our culture than the American "shower with presents"

TidyDancer · 14/09/2019 19:18

Is there any way you think this friend will take it well from you or is she a shoot the messenger type?

woodhill · 14/09/2019 19:20

Dd had one and she didn't want any gifts unless people wanted to buy her anything.

She was happy with 2nd hand stuff etc

EscapeTheOrdinary · 14/09/2019 19:25

I would just ignore it. If you have been sent it others would have been too so it’s a bit late to tell her it’s grabby.

Merryoldgoat · 14/09/2019 19:27

I don’t mind baby showers but there are a few criteria which are non-negotiable in my opinion:

  1. You don’t ASK for a baby shower, someone offers and organises it.
  1. You have no lists and gratefully accept anything people buy for you.
  1. Guests are not put to any expense for food and refreshments.

My colleagues took me to afternoon tea for a kind of baby shower - it was a total surprise and organised without my
knowledge until they’d all agreed and paid etc.

Your friend is living in another world.

Ginger1982 · 14/09/2019 19:42

Just get a voucher.

Original poster
TrophyCat · 14/09/2019 19:59

Friend would hopefully take it well if I suggested she adds some lower cost things to suit everyone's budget, and if I maybe gently explained that normally the parents enjoy buying the nursery furniture themselves. Just need to think of a polite way to phrase it.

Also, a couple of things on her list seem to be a bit bonkers - a Moses basket that transforms into a highchair? It seems like one of those things new parents buy thinking it will be awesome but I just picture the horror of cleaning it when weaning starts

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 14/09/2019 21:21

Personally I think baby showers can be ok. I had one - mainly because we had IVF and just wanted to celebrate. However we had it as a party hosted by both of us. We paid for the hall, a DJ and put on a big spread of food for everyone. We gave favours and didnt ask for any gifts. I wouldnt have dreamt of asking for them or compiling a gift list. Obviously people did bring things but we tried to alleviate the pressure by opening gifts away from people after the party and thanking each separately. It was more of a celebration party and we wont be having a christening or anything like that as we are atheist. Personally I think of baby showers are problematic for people and granny, so are christenings unless the family is truly religious and welcoming christ into their child's life. Like anything, isn't it the way you go about it? In your case I would buy off list- the fact you have even had to pay for your meal (I am presuming the £20 per head is what people are paying?) Should be enough tbh

DappledThings · 14/09/2019 21:48

The only acceptable baby shower is no baby shower

This

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