Am I overthinking this?

[Jellybeansincognito]

So out at a children’s fun day today, my daughter tripped and fell over (often happens, she’s very clumsy at 4!)
She has ripped her knees to shreds and was absolutely hysterical, I pulled her to one side to try and calm her down when someone came over and offered some wipes for her knees (which was lovely but completely terrified my daughter further).
My DH took her to a grassed area so we could have a proper look at her and get it wiped up and plastered (we always carry anti septic wound wipes and spray on plaster) but as he did this, he shouted at her.

I appreciate it was a stressful situation, everyone was staring at us, my daughter was hurt which was upsetting and it was just generally a shit situation all around, but yeah.

I’m embarrassed, and absolutely mortified that he decided to shout at her for running (this isn’t even why she fell over, she’s just clumsy and often trips and falls).

We did manage to get her cleaned up, and we decided to go home afterwards, but I spent the majority of the journey home in tears due to my DHs behaviour.

How should I handle this? My poor daughter, being shouted at by her dad at a really inappropriate time.

I'd also be interested to know what "a whole lot worse" a four year old can be. Clearly one of those parents who see themselves in the role of a lion tamer. So retrograde.

A nasty piece of work and bitchy for saying drama llama 🤣🤣🤣
Ok 🙄🙄

I don't have anxiety to "run off", Bookworm. Neither does my child. She is very shy, and very young. The OP's child is also very young, and was in pain and upset. To be fair at her age in s big crowd she was probably also quite embarrassed, which is a pretty massive feeling to have to try and handle when you're tiny. I think it is completely easy to empathise with her being overwhelmed. I agree with you the OP should not have cried all the way home, that is far more upsetting behaviour to the child than a quick shout would have been and blew the whole incident out of all proportion. But your son is not the legit definition of "shy", and his reactions do not therefore set the standard that draws the line between "shy" and "overreacting". Why on earth would you think it would?

Not just for saying "drama llama" (about a crying 4 year old who was in pain). But for your general dismissive scornful nastiness. But hey why would you be bothered what a simpering simpleton like me thinks? Scroll on by by all means.

It all sounds a total overreaction with all 3 of you hysterical over something that in the grand scheme of things is nothing.

I have to agree this seems an overreaction to be hysterical about cutting her knees and someone offering wipes. Do you suffer from anxiety OP as it can sometimes communicate itself to children. If your daughter is naturally highly sensitive, I'd look up techniques for helping her to regulate her emotions. This would help her going forward as not everyone deals well with people become hysterical.

As for your DH, he has to understand that shouting at her is going to make it worse as it's overreacting but in a different way.

You cried all the way home? Your dd was terrified of seine offering a wipe?
Did your dh actually shout or did he say something along the lines of "see this is why we tell you not to run so fast" in a loud voice over her screaming?
Fwiw my ds 5 has turned into a total over reactor when he hurts himself. He is copying a boy who lives in our street, because he never used to be like this. It gets on my nerves because he uncontrollably screams at the top of his lungs and shout at us to get plasters etc. I give him into trouble for that because it's unnecessary, he knows we are going to help him. Crying, fine, screaming your head off, not fine.

I'm lost as to why you cried all the way home... I'm also lost as to how your dd ripped her knees to shreds if she wasn't running... Not a lot of this makes sense.

Ultimately though this is he man who is her dad and will be her dad forever so the best course of action is probably.to help her deal with him because this is how he is. He wasnt massively unreasonable just overreacted a bit. So roll.your eyes say "silly daddy;" and move on.
Others will disagree but the reality is he overreacted and you want to teach her that

Fucking hell, just when you think you’ve heard it all it’s all, up pops this shit.

YOu honestly think you should teach a FOUR year old girl to appease the Big Man, because Big Men can’t con control their tempers?

FMD

I had a very shy DS but he wasn’t freaked out & terrified by everyday occurrences. A 2 yr old is a bit different from a 4 yr old, how will she cope at school?

Maybe she will struggle. Maybe she has a anxiety, maybe she has social communication problems. It's not a valid reason to bitch about a small child, is it?

I think it's better to stay calm with your kids even if you aren't feeling it. It does sound like the whole situation escalated. Mum and dad don't need to be getting upset too. It's just a grazed knee. My 5-year-old daughter fell recently and grazed both knees and her palm. She cried a bit, but I gave her loads of hugs and reassurance and put some plasters on her and she was fine. She ran off and played as normal.

OP isn't the only drama llama around here .
'Ripped knees to shreds'? Ok then. The child sounds like she was overreacting and the dad got embarrassed and loudly tried to get her to stop. It's a nervous reaction, it's not like he belted her around the head for God's sake.
OP probably made a big meal out her her fall instead of being light and breezy and playing it down. Kids that age often react how the parents do. Mummy running in with spray on plaster and acting as though she's had a leg torn off is going to incite an overreaction.

Ok.
Firstly- she didn’t know I was crying. I felt embarrassed and completely mortified and assessed the whole situation afterwards, it was awful and my DHs behaviour was shoddy and I felt so bad that in her time of need she got shouted at.

She falls over whilst walking too, I don’t see it necessary to blame it on running, she wasn’t sprinting, it was a jog if that. Again, she falls when walking so I don’t see why he got cross with her for running.

Also this is what her knees looked like at home- we cleaned with anti septic wipes and then covered in spray plaster- we have these because we have a 2 year old who fell once at the seaside and we needed to deal with it, we bought supplies for falls there and have kept these things in our day out bag ever since.

You can call me dramatic all you like regards to her legs, they look like this-
Excuse the McDonald’s, she was still a state when she woke up and she asked for one on the way home. After a really good first week at school we thought she deserved it.

The pictures are after cleaning, we decided to blot it afterwards and she has proper knee plasters on now.

Also the comment about her being scared of a stranger offering wipes- she was still hysterical having just done this, I was trying to calm her enough ready to get her cleaned up when the lady came over with wipes- I think my daughter thought the lady would wipe it and was terrified.

There’s nothing wrong with that? She’s 4, ffs.

(I’m not cross with the lady trying to help, she wasn’t the only one to come over) it’s nice that people care.

She’s having no issues at school, she’s not terrified of strangers at all- quite an assumption.

Ignore them OP. Your DD isn’t a ‘drama llama’, which is by far the cringiest phrase I’ve ever heard. She was, clearly, very hurt and didn’t want to be hurt further. Have a calm word with your DH and explain how he should talk to DD and why the way he is talking to her may upset her.

Can’t do anything right, clearly!

That looks so sore! Poor thing!

In all fairness I was clumsy child and my dad used to shout. he didn't get it that I wasn't clumsy on purpose. I "ruined" loads of family holidays and events by falling over in inconvenient places or walking into things when we were in a rush. As a child I remember he would shout at me, but he learnt how to deal with me a bit as I got older.
He's totally different with my son, a proper caring grandad. I think retiring from the career he hated helped a lot.

When this happens, just say to your DH "that isn't helping" or "would you like to be shouted at when youve hurt yourself?"

If your daughter carries on falling over and bumping into things, it might be worth exploring whether she has a motor co-ordination problem.

It might also be worth having her eyes tested. I know my ds was terrible for tripping over as a small child and this sorted itself out when he got glasses. We knew from birth that he needed glasses though but it was put off as long as possible by the medical professionals.

I have considered about her eyes recently- she begins gymnastics next week I believe so we’ll see. I think I’ll raise it with her teacher to see if it is an issue that concerns them at school too.

Can’t be good to keep scuffing your knees before the last lot has healed up.

I think your DHs reaction is normal. My DD fell into a swimming pool the other day. She is a strong swimmer and we were right next to her so it was all fine but my DH shouted at her when she got out. It was a mixture of fear for her safety and anger that she had been silly next to the pool. He shouldn't have shouted at her as it didn't help anything but I can see why he did it, and I didn't cry over it. I think you should move o from the shouting and I hope your dds knees heal quickly.

She falls over whilst walking too, I don’t see it necessary to blame it on running, she wasn’t sprinting, it was a jog if that. Again, she falls when walking so I don’t see why he got cross with her for running.

It doesn’t even matter if she was running. She’s 4- she's supposed to run. It’s the best thing about being 4. Please never tell her off for running. Teach her how to decide whether the place she’s in is safe for running/walking/climbing etc. Don’t teach her to be afraid to run. Teach her that all children fall and get scraped knees and it isn’t anything to be scared of, show her your knees and either the scars from when you fell as a child or the smooth skin from where they’re all healed maybe I’m weird but when I was a child we all compared our knee wounds and scars and had a brag about them