AiBU to feed DD dog poo for breakfast?

[mogtheexcellent]

DD said dog poo when i asked her what she wanted for breakfast. So i gave it* to her and she ate it then had bacon and toast and a banana and two plums. Now she is telling everyone and i am getting looks. Dh says i shouldnt encourage her.

*disclaimer obviously not real dog poo but a nut whirl thing from a bix of dairy milk. I pretended to get it from the garden. Dd was in stitches.

I got called into the office at nursery after the 4 year old said Daddy had hurt Mummy's neck, that was fun!

We'd had a jokey conversation the night before about who had given who a lovely cold that came with a cough and sore throat.

We'd had various children at the nursery for 7 years by that point so quite a good relationship with the staff, but my god, it was an excruciating conversation. You could tell they didn't want to ask and as you hear yourself explain, all you can think is this sounds like made up bullshit!

Haha, I may steal this trick from you.

Dd replies “poo poo and bum bum” for every question 🙄

Very slight skinny nephew told his teacher he was never given any breakfast to eat. Almost referred ss. Of course he ate like a horse in reality.

Are there any nursery staffers about who could answer what comments make them call in the parents vs what they overlook as a child's overactive imagination? I can't imagine e.g. a kid saying daddy hurt mummy's neck as PP and that not raise red flags all over the place!

Dd actually did eat grass once. Lots of it. I had to pull it out of her bum.

Kids are vile.

Dh and I were at uni together and those little potato balls were called golden balls of joy. Fast forward several years and whenever Lidl has French week the kids ask for golden balls of joy. Oops.

Wonderful stuff!
Giraffe pie is good too.

We got some concerned questions about the kids having ‘chilled monkey brains’ for dinner.

Obviously they were stuffed peppers with the lids still on but it was too similar to not call them that!

They’ve seen Indiana Jones now so know the origin!

Brilliant. My DD has been telling her reception class teacher and her friends that there's a baby in Mummy's tummy and she's going to be a big sister. There is definitely not and never will be.
Wouldn't be such a problem if I didnt work at the school and now all the other staff/mums/kids are convinced I'm pregnant and just refusing to announce it yet!!

Vladimir It was hard with the little ones but the older ones usually said things as part of a longer sentence and then we thought 'phew!'
eg,
"Daddy scratched me"
then you'd think 'oh oh'
"daddy and me were tickling and his watch catched me"

@joystir59 my lad did the same thing
He told school he didn’t get breakfast so they would stuff a few choccie biscuits down his throat
He was having 2 breakfasts every school morning-with me at home-he’d be given another breakfast at his nannas and then have a piece of fruit in the walk to school
When he got called out on this his answer was he liked choccie biscuits and I (the nasty mum) wouldn’t let him have them that early
This had been going on for 18 months before someone thought to check with his nan! (she’d gone in about my daughter and got talking to his teacher)

DH needs to hunt out his SoH. Family jokes are the sweetest things!

When I was at primary school, and we told what we did at the weekend, someone in my class proudly told everybody that on her birthday she'd been kidnapped. When asked to clarify, she cheerfully said that she'd been blindfolded and taken to a new house. When the teacher gently tried tone her imagination down, she kept protesting "it's true!!!".

And it was. Her parents had wanted to surprise her with a present of an outdoor playhouse. As it was too big to wrap, they'd blindfolded her and driven her a short distance (ending up back at their house), led her inside the newly built playhouse, closed the shutters over the windows, and then uncovered her eyes, to let her work out where she was. She then opened the shutters to make the delighted discovery that the playhouse was in her own garden, and it was hers to play in!

But I think she alarmed a few people with that.

My son told his teacher that I lock him in the house when I take the dog a walk and it makes him very sad Daily Mail face

He was trying to tell her about when I took the bin out - the dog came with me and he locked us both out!! I was hysterical trying to get him to turn the key and was about to call the fire brigade when he managed to do it.

I had a welfare call obviously because they were concerned he was being left home alone - I was mortified and suggested he hadn't told his story all that well. 'Oh well Mummy - doesn't matter' 😑

@SchrodingersUnicorn DD did this to me too

She also told nursery staff that is was called "Oceania"

My ds told nursery that I didn't feed him. Nothing at all. Except for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Luckily, nursery found it funny too.

He's 34 now, with his own ds and, like any annoying mother, I like to remind him of it regularly

When my brother was little he was asked to write about a grandparent and he wrote ‘I love my grandad because he gives me bags of money from a safe’ and drew a picture of a slightly sinister looking man holding a massive sack of cash as if he were a bank robber.

Basically my grandad had a tiny shop and would bag up small change into those little plastic change bags that the bank give you. Occasionally when we went to see him at his shop on a Saturday he would give us a little bag of coppers out of his safe to spend on penny sweets down the market.