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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH going on a stag do for 4 days?

225 replies

December2019 · 14/09/2019 09:55

Hi everyone I just wanted some advice really!
So... my OH is planning to go on a stag do in November to Prague for 4 days he says it's going to cost around £400 (I think it will be considerably more with it being in the festive period) but I really don't want him to go, we have a nearly 9 month old and I'm due number 2 in December is he BU to go and spend money we don't really have and to leave me alone for 4 days so close to my due date with a baby?
I'm pretty laid back it never bothers me if he wants to go out but I think 4 days is taking the p!
What should I do? My mum said she won't mind staying over to help out but I don't really want her to put herself out just so he can go and get drunk with his mates
Sorry if this is a bit rambled I'm rushing as LO is everywhere at the minute 😂 can't take my eye off the ball for a second!

OP posts:
VapeVamp12 · 14/09/2019 09:56

Why are stag and hen dos always bloody holidays abroad now?! I went to a pub in Brighton for my hen and stayed one night and was home by 12 the next day!

YANBU - how close to your due date is the actual stag?

drinkygin · 14/09/2019 09:57

Sorry I think you are BU and controlling. It’s a month away from your due date so unless there’s a drip feed where you have a history of preterm labour then I don’t see the problem. It sounds a bit like jealousy that he’s off having fun when you can’t (and to be honest I don’t blame you!) but still mean of you to make him feel bad about going.

Original poster
December2019 · 14/09/2019 09:59

I think he said the beginning of November and I'm due on the 23rd December, it's my LOs 1st birthday also on the 23rd December never mind Christmas 2 days later, he just thinks I'm moaning if I mention he really can't afford to go

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 14/09/2019 10:00

How would it be if you were going on a hen do for four days? Theoretically, of course, but would he be prepared to be the career?

MCP86 · 14/09/2019 10:01

@drinkygin she said he was going in November and she is due in December, that doesnt necessarily mean it's a month away. It could be a week or two. Smile

NameChangeNugget · 14/09/2019 10:01

I’m with @drinkygin

Sounds a bit controlling. Nothing grows in shade, let him enjoy his holidays with his friends and vice versa

pimbee · 14/09/2019 10:01

Um a feel a bit mixed. 4 days is nothing in terms of separation, I think you're being dramatic about that. If your first pregnancy was relatively straightforward I wouldn't be concerned about him being away prior to 36 weeks, it sounds like you've got help. But if £400 (or more as you say) is a lot of money to you as a family and would interfere with something you could do as a family, assuming you pool money, then that's where I think it's potentially unreasonable.

MCP86 · 14/09/2019 10:02

Hahahahaha or 6 weeks

roseunicornblower · 14/09/2019 10:04

You'll be fine, it's only 4 days. My partner went away for a weekend when my first born was 6 weeks old and I coped. I enjoyed the peace and quiet tbh!

Mintypea5 · 14/09/2019 10:05

I don't think he's BU wanting to go for 4 days at start of Nov if you're due towards the end of December. Unless you have a history of complications and preterm labour? Or this pregnancy has had issues.

My DH went on a 4 day stag recently while I'm pregnant and I also had my 7 yr old and 10 month old at home. It was fine we spent lots of time eating pizza watching tv and relaxing while he was away. (No family close by to help here)

The money is an issue if you can't afford it.

WhittlingIhopMonkey · 14/09/2019 10:06

I was exhausted during my pregnancies and the thoughts of DH spending money we didn't have so close to xmas and leaving me to run the ship for 4 days with a toddler and 1 on the way would've left me very less than impressed.

I don't think you are BU however if this is a very close friend* (is it?) Then you probably need to compromise.

Could your DH go for 2 nights instead of 4?

*if it's not a close friend then that close to xmas I'd be insisting he not go if we couldn't afford it.

22Giraffes · 14/09/2019 10:06

It wouldn't bother me but I'm sure most people will agree with you! It's still a way from your due date and your mum has offered to help so unless it would cause financial issues then it wouldn't be a problem for me.

Not saying in your case, but there seems to be a strange thing on MN where people become incapable of looking after there own children when their other half goes away, baffles me!

Hereward1332 · 14/09/2019 10:08

You'll be fine, but I would have misgivings about the money. No way can he do 4 days for £400, including flights, hotel, food and entertainment.

22Giraffes · 14/09/2019 10:08

Their* agggh Blush

MrsJoshNavidi · 14/09/2019 10:08

November isn't the festive period!

Original poster
December2019 · 14/09/2019 10:08

@drinkygin I've never been a controlling person he goes out most weekends and has been to festivals and things it doesn't bother me at all but I think it's the spending money we don't really have a couple of weeks before Christmas and our LOs first birthday and the new arrival due on the same day
I had the start of preeclampsia my last pregnancy and had to be monitored for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy (just extra midwife appointments really)

OP posts:
GiveMeHope103 · 14/09/2019 10:08

I'm going to be in the minority here but yanbu. Apart from the money issue it's far too long. My DH wouldnt even considered going. It's ridiculous that these things are now holiday trips when most people are actually living together and have families already.

CakeNinja · 14/09/2019 10:09

Sounds like you either just don’t want him to go or you can’t actually afford for him to go.
The beginning of November to the the 23rd December is a long enough time to not be worried about going into early labour which I presume you didn’t with dc1 as you would have mentioned it.
Your mum is offering to step in and give you a hand if you need it (will you actually need help for 4 days with a nearly 1 year old?) it’s a ready made solution to your problem.
If you can’t afford it that’s a separate issue to you just not wanting him to go.

Original poster
December2019 · 14/09/2019 10:11

@WhittlingIhopMonkey he's not a close friend either he's some guy he knows from work

OP posts:
Toffeecakes · 14/09/2019 10:11

I think that would be fine, what would you need help with exactly? It’s 4 days. Unless you have health complications that you haven’t mentioned then YABU. It might not be ‘easy’ looking after a baby whilst you’re pregnant but I’m not sure that that’s a reason to stop your DH from going.

OP, you’re having 2 babies a year apart, you really need to be ok looking after them by yourself on occasions. The money issue is different entirely, whether you’re BU or not depends on the arrangement you have with finances.

Quartz2208 · 14/09/2019 10:11

Yep this is a money thing that is easily 4 figures once everything is done at a time you clearly don’t have it with a baby being due

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 14/09/2019 10:11

I was exhausted in the last month and baby came at 38 weeks. How many weeks will you be?

Generally I think he shouldn’t go away for 4 days when your very heavily pregnant and have a under 1 year old.

BertrandRussell · 14/09/2019 10:13

It depends. Is he being dismissive and dickish or are you having a proper discussion. about it? If you’re having a proper discussion, then considering you’re at least 6 weeks away and your mum will come to stay then I think it’s fine. If he’s being dismissive and dickish, then you need to have serious conversations about more than this stag do.

notso · 14/09/2019 10:13

The length of time and being left wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Spending money on a stag do if you are struggling or if it leaves you short in other areas would piss me off.

Have you had a family holiday, got everything you need for the baby etc.

gluteustothemaximus · 14/09/2019 10:14

He's being selfish.

But MN will paint you as controlling.

He's an arse. YANBU.

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