Would IBU to ask teacher about this?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

...or would it just make me ‘that’ parent?

DS has recently started Y1 and was initially placed on a table with a couple of his good friends and seemed very happy.

He has since been moved to another table with children he is not close to and who are generally less well behaved. The teacher has a behaviour scoreboard by table and his new table is bottom of the class.

DS always got impeccable reports in reception and is generally quiet and well behaved in school. I’m assuming he’s been moved to try to even out the tables / be a positive influence (though could be other reasons).

DS is now sad about being separated from his friends and being on a table that is bottom of the behaviour scoreboard. I’m worried he will be marginalised from his friends and being on a more disruptive table will impact his learning.

WIBU to say something to the teacher?

There could be many reasons why she moved him. It’s not being “that” parent to be worried about your child’s wellbeing. She probably doesn’t even realise your DS is unhappy.
Just have a quiet word and tell her how your DS is feeling.

Going in with an open mind to have a two way conversation would be appropriate in these circumstances.

It would only be inappropriate if you wanted to go in demanding xyz and refusing to listen or discuss anything.

Your child is not in school to be with his friends. He has plenty of time to socialise at break and lunch, but in lessons it’s completely irrelevant.

It might be that his educational needs are similar to the other children on that table. It might have been that he was being disruptive sat with his friends as he was trying to chat to them.

Year 1 is much more formal than reception and some children find this jump hard.

I would probably not say anything to the teacher yet but I dont think her classroom management strategy is very fair. We were often discouraged to have whole class or group discipline because there are often one or two kids who didnt actually do anything wrong but end up with the punishment.

I think it's absolutely fine to ask about the situation and explain what your child tells you about it at home. Then hear the teacher out. Maybe there is a very good reason for moving your child,maybe there are different options of what can be done. As long as you don't make demands or tell teacher what to do, this is part of what parenting is.

My daughter is used as a behaviour regulator - I think it’s not great but it’s not actually affected her learning. She’s done quite well out of it as she’s often the explainer of concepts to the children who didn’t quite get it the first time round so not only does she understand but understand well enough to be able to explain it coherently to others. It’s a good skill to have. Do have a word with the teacher though if you’re unhappy about it. If it’s anything like my daughter’s school they’ll change up the tables at half term.

I put a lot of thought into my seating plan and then I change it every month. In every class in every school in every country there are children who find it more challenging to sit in a classroom and work quietly. Sometimes it is their personality type, often it is as a result of yet to be identified educational needs, or something going on in the child’s life. They are all equally entitled to be in the room and receive an education and somebody has got to sit beside them. To be fair about this I change my seating plan every month so that no child is stuck beside someone they dislike, for whatever reason, for an extended time period. They best groupings include a mixture of personality types, often the better behaved or more competitive children can have a positive influence on the behaviour of other children at their table.

I also have a rewards system for group rewards and individual rewards so if a child is at a table where the group find it more challenging to achieve group rewards, an individual child on that table can still achieve rewards for modelling good behaviour and this can often act as a incentive for other children at the table to aim a little higher in terms of their own behaviour.

We all have to deal with situations where we are forced to work with or associate with people that we don’t like, and this is an important skill that can be transferred from the classroom to real life. It is important to build up your child’s resilience so that they have the coping skills to deal with this as they get older and they find themselves in situations where there are no options to remove themselves.

By all means approach your teacher but I expect you will probably get a response similar to what I have given you. It is unreasonable to expect that your child will sit with his friend group for the whole year and it is important for him that he doesn’t exclude other children from the class as a result of his established friend group.

My door is always open to parents, I will listen to what they have to say and I will consider it, even if I may not necessarily agree with them.

Could be a number of reasons why a teacher has moved him. Maybe she thinks he will have a good influence on the less well behaved children or possibly your dc is talking too much with close friends.

School is not somewhere he goes for a bit of fun. Let the teacher do as she sees fit . Btw I am a teacher.

I usually try and sit mine boy girl if possible.

Never be afraid to be that parent if you feel your child is unhappy. I really regret not pushing more for ds2 in year 4 when he was separated from his friends. Admittedly there was lots of other bad stuff going on as well but this was the start of his total withdrawal and school refusal. Maybe it would have happened anyway but I do feel guilty that I should have said something then to help him cope with that difficult time.

You could ask how often the teacher changes seats so you can countdown with child. I'd explain how he's feeling.

Definitely ask the teacher, but also be prepared for an answer you might not like (eg he needs extra support or he won't stop chatting and distracting the children on the previous table).

In a lot of classes it usually the more disruptive children that get the most table points/stickers/whatever the positive strategies are because they usually respond to them well and they're behaviour (maybe for good reason) needs more of the teachers attention. On the flip side a shy child might need more of the teachers attention when it comes to building confidence, and a bright child needs more of the teachers attention when it comes to planning challenging lessons (just in case there's a black lash about misbehaving children!).

I think you're worry a bit to much though as your child won't always be able to sit with best friends. It's actually good for them to mix with different children as in life you mix with all types of people. Also they're still in the same class and have carpet time, play time, assembly time, etc, where they are not with their table groups.

I would speak to the teacher not about where your son is sat but about the group awards. My son could not cope with that and would find it extremely stressful and upsetting if he ended up being punished for things that other children have done. It sounds like your son is similar in that respect.

I would point out to your son that during lessons he should be concentrating on his work. He can be with his friends at play time.

And it's fine to ask the teacher if they will be moving tables regularly or if there was a particular reason for this move, so that you can also explain that to your son.

I love that term Enb76 'behaviour regulator' Unfortunately my dd8 is one of these. Shes sensible and trys her best at everything. She gets put next to the badly behaved children in class and is partnered with them for swimming, trips out etc. Shes not great academically so it was having an effect on her learning. I had to intervene in y3. I can see why in theory the teachers do this. However any detrimental effect on rewards or learning needs nipping in the bud. Try and suss out the dynamic on the table. If it's purely a table based on ability see if theres another table your DC can be moved to where they are working at the same level.

If it was just your DS being moved away from his friends then YABU, but because of the behaviour chart being arranged by table then I think YANBU. It's not fair for him to be at the bottom of the chart through no fault of his own, and I would definitely ask to meet her and tell her that this is making him feel sad.

Thanks everyone. Knowing a little of the children involved I definitely feel it’s most likely DS has been moved as a ‘behaviour regulator’ and I know the child he has been sat next to has had some issues that have warranted their parent being pulled aside after school a few times this term.

DS isn’t hugely upset so that it’s impacting his willingness to go to school - most of all he’s very motivated by the behaviour/rewards system - his old table is at the top of the scoreboard and he feels disappointed that his one is languishing at the bottom.

Bless him. Maybe mention what you said in your last paragraph. It’s definitely worth the teacher knowing that. Perhaps some individual praise might help.

@Bubbinsmakesthree

So have you come to a decision on what to do?

I wouldn't be happy about that at all. Your child wasn't put on this earth to be a steadying influence on other children. What happens if it works the other way around, that your child starts picking up all their bad habits?

Nope. I would speak to the teacher.

This happened to my DS. He was put him on a table to be a ‘good example’. It put a lot of pressure on him, especially when the teacher asked him why he’d not stopped another boy doing something naughty or told the teacher about it! I thought it was really unfair to be asked to moderate other children’s behaviour - never mind snitching if children he had to spend his school life with.

I had an open discussion with his teacher and she started to rotate the children when she realised how DS felt about it. I don’t think she would have done if I hadn’t gone in - DS would never have made a fuss himself.

Sorry just to be clear I mean it is NOT impacting his willingness to go to school - he just feels a bit put out.

I think i’ll see how it goes into next week, it’s only been a few days.

I would definitely feel better if I knew that there was a plan to regularly change tables around though.

Dlpdep has it spot on. Build up your child’s resilience and talk to him on how to deal with the others and how to deal with disappointment. That will serve him better in the long run than trying to ensure he has an ideal environment all the time because that is not going to happen.