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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my family member should have stayed on the other side of the planet?

7 replies

WaggingKnife · 13/09/2019 19:22

A member of my family has travelled 24+ hours to visit another member of our family who has a terminal illness. There have been points in the last few months where we thought said terminally ill family member was going to die imminently but currently they are stable and in their words “have a good few months left”. One virus would be the end of them though.

Visiting family member (VFM) left home on the other side of the planet knowing they were very unwell. On their layover for their connecting flight their partner, who they had been communicating with via social media, text me to say they were extremely worried as VFM “felt like they were going to die on the 12 hour flight”.

When my OH picked them up from the airport he immediately said “you’ve got the flu” and I said the same once I saw them come through the door. We packed them off to bed in the spare room with fluids and appropriate medications.

I had scheduled work yesterday evening and DH was on call, so we both ended up out of the house. Our Nanny was left in charge of the household. VFM comes downstairs (it took them nearly 10 minutes they were so weak) and orders a takeaway saying they needed something spicy to clear their head. The poor Nanny politely suggested that it was probably best that visitor went into another room to her and the DC, as she didn’t think it would be great for them to be coughed and spluttered all over.

VFM laughed off her suggestion then coughed and spluttered for 20 minutes and passed out on the family room sofa (a thoroughfare for the entire house) before their food arrived and was left uneaten.
And turns out in their fevered stupor, VFM has been using my DC’s bathroom rather than the en suite in their room.

And now as I put my DC to bed, they are febrile and achey. One of them has a compromised immune system.

VFM has just come down the stairs saying they think they have “broken the back of it” and they are glad they didn’t throw away £2500 in airfares as they so nearly didn’t come and wasn’t it lucky that they could probably still see terminally ill relative later next week.

I am so angry that they have put my DC, my nanny, OH and I at risk of being so unwell (we work in frontline healthcare) but most of all I am livid that they thought they could visit our ill relative when they were so clearly unwell for a number of days before they boarded the plane. I get that £2500 is hell of a lot of money but I am utterly livid that they could be so selfish.

OP posts:
Lagatha · 13/09/2019 19:36

I think YAB a tiny bit U. But you are clearly very stressed so it's not surprising.
I think you need to take a deep breath and unclench. I'm sorry about your I'll family member Flowers

Lagatha · 13/09/2019 19:37

*ill family member
Bloody auto correct

Sn0tnose · 13/09/2019 19:44

If I had a child with a compromised immune system, they would not have crossed my threshold. I would have directed them to the nearest hotel and told them to stay away from ill relative until they were better.

Have you told them how bloody selfish and irresponsible they are? Bearing in mind that you and your family will now need to stay away from your ill relative?

MissConductUS · 13/09/2019 19:49

Lots of people, deep down in their souls, do not actually believe in the germ theory of disease, but YANBU.

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/09/2019 19:52

If they wanted and were capable of ordering a takeaway, it's not flu.

However, they are clearly poorly and shouldn't be mixing with family until they are over the worst. Although, to be fair to them, many of these sorts of illnesses can come on very fast, and what were they supposed to do once they were on the plane?

Maybe suggest that they take to their bed and stay there until they are better? I would have thought, if your ill relative takes a severe downturn, then catching whatever you may have will be the least of their worries.

Your poor immunocompromised child though. But I guess they must be subjected to germs from nanny and other people too?

WaggingKnife · 13/09/2019 20:04

It’s flu, we are pretty certain of that. VFM’s DS on the other side of the planet has flu and a chunk of his class are struck down with it too.

I think they were selfish to get on the plane, they had travel insurance and they should have checked if there was a way of rebooking using that. I feel terribly sorry for anyone on that plane with them.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 13/09/2019 20:09

A bit off topic, but I just thought I'd mention that this season's flu vaccine has been available in the US for a few weeks. DH and DS have already had theirs at the chemist. It's rather early this year.

OP, air travel is a key vector for flu. It was selfish of them to get on the plane.

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