Discussing your relationship with friends

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

I once read somewhere over 20 years that you shouldn't discuss your relationship with friends as they will always have opinions on it from then on.What I mean is if your dh/dp/dw was being a dick and you had a moan,everytime your friends saw them they would remember the things you've disclosed even though you might have just been blowing off steam at the time.Its because of this that I've never done it,I know loads of people that so though.Do you judge friends partners on trivial things that theyve told you?

20 years ago that should be

I must admit, a friend once told me about a big argument she'd had with her DP about his porn use and I can't look at him the same anymore I don't have particularly strong views about general porn use, and she wasn't even that upset about, but its all I can think about when I see him! I know she probably has a similar issue about things I've told her about my own DP.

I must say, I've stopped discussing my relationship (mostly because they're probably bored of hearing about it!) except for the good things.

I read something the other day about telling "the story of us" and that each time you tell the story you reinforce it. So if you only ever talk about the negatives, you start to view your relationship as negative, whereas when you focus on the good things, your view of you as a couple is one of positivity.

No, not on the silly everyday stuff as we all have faults and we are all human. I also know that my friends aren't perfect beings themselves, that's why I love them.

If however it was something like cheating, yes I would judge them, not to the point that I would feel the need to express it, but it would colour my advice.

The only time I have ever felt the need to severely judge was a partner who was knocking my friend around. He didn't trust her and would follow her to my house to listen to our conversation. Well I eventually had enough of clearing up broken glass and bruises, so the next time he joined us for a chat we had words. Strong words. He broke up with her that day and our friendship died too. But she was safe.

So I guess it depends on the subject matter and on the friend and their personality.

I would agree...I tend to keep most things to myself out of loyalty I suppose, as I wouldn't want him complaining about me. I might say we're going through a tough time, but I wouldn't get into details

I think once you know something about someone, you can't unknow it and it's only natural to have an opinion of someone's behaviour.

If it trivial do I hold it against them....no.
If it's something bigger then yes, it will obvious taint my opinion of them.

I have close friends who I can on up to if I needed to, and they have told me details of arguments with their husbands. It's good to have someone to talk to, healthier than bottling it all up in case they find out you husband acted like a dick.

I have one group of friends that we can moan about our partners without fear of them thinking less of them. But then we seem to have quite healthy marriages and no one is revealing a gambling addiction, affair, cross dressing or anything.

I also read somewhere that if you need a moan about your partner, do it to his mum rather than yours. His mum will love him no matter what but your mum will remember all those things you Moan about.

Who I can open up to....that should read

Also meant to add that I have one friend who does not like my husband. He's not keen on her so whatever. I wouldn't say anything negative about him to her because I know she will hold it against him. Even a "god can no one put the toilet seat down in our house!" Rant.