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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want a lie in?

31 replies

CucinaBreakfast · 13/09/2019 14:29

Context: I'm in my third trimester with second baby, and have a 4yo. Dh and i usually split lie ins on the weekend (one day each) if we need it. Dh often wakes several times in the night with shouty night terrors, which a) wakes me up; b) scares the shit out of me as it's pretty agro and hard to calm him down; and c) affects my sleep so I'm often tired in the morning. He's the main bread winner and i work pt, earning considerably less.

This weekend dh has arranged with his mates to do an early morning hike on Sunday, which means I'll be up with dd when she wakes up, and that's fine. He'll be up working late tonight (works from home, not shift work), so will be angling for a lie in tomorrow (saturday) morning. I'm knackered at the moment with pregnancy, disrupted sleep and running around after my 4yo, so wondering when i get to sleep in..

Aibu to think he's used up his lie in opportunity with his hike? Or do i suck it up as he's working and i benefit from that?

First world problems, but would be good to get your thoughts as I'm worried I'm being precious and only thinking of my own needs.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 13/09/2019 14:31

Nah. He's definitely used his lie-in opportunity for the hike.

Mikethenight2good · 13/09/2019 14:32

You are growing a human. You win the lie in....

pumpkinpie01 · 13/09/2019 14:32

I would say he should be getting up early tomorrow morning, his lie in opportunity has gone for a hike !

NoSauce · 13/09/2019 14:33

How late will he be working tonight? I guess it would be thoughtful of him to let you lie in tomorrow as he’s out Sunday morning, is he going to be out all day?

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 13/09/2019 14:37

Nosauce he'll probably be up until midnight/1am. On Sunday he'll be out until mid morning, 11ish, then we'd planned to spend the rest of the day out together by the sea, and my parents will be joining us (they're not far).

No real plans for Saturday so far.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 13/09/2019 14:51

Is there a spare room he can sleep in so as to not disturb you at night?

RubbingHimSweetly · 13/09/2019 15:44

I would probably let him lie in tomorrow as he's working late tonight. But would then be insisting he took the 4 yo out for an activity plus tea in the afternoon so I could get a nice bath and have a nap/chill out in bed/watch tv.

When couples play the tiredness olympics, no one wins.

LannieDuck · 13/09/2019 15:54

You're both going to have to get up early on Sunday, and that's because of his choice to go on the hike.

Your choice is to get a lie-in.

So you both get one thing you want - he gets to go on his hike, and you get the lie-in.

(If he wants to change his mind and have a lie-in too, that's fine, but he doesn't get to go on the hike as well - that would be giving him 2 things he wants and you 0. Which I would hope he would recognise is unfair.)

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 13/09/2019 22:25

Tiredness Olympics /sleep wars is definitely shite, used to be a particular issue for us and nobody wins indeed. That's why an even split seemed fair so no one had to make their case!

I'm going to angle for an afternoon snooze.

Yep we have a spare room, both of us feel a bit sad about sleeping apart as he sleeps a LOT worse on occasions and starts roaming the house. I know it all sounds really strange but he's suffered this for years, no advice from the sleep clinic either.

OP posts:
Troels · 13/09/2019 22:33

When my Dh wasn't sleeping well and waking me up all night I used to go to Dd's room and sleep in the spare bed. Absolute bliss undisturbed all night even if I had to be up with her in the morning.
I used the bottom bunk in Ds's room a few times when pregnant too.
We called it musical beds.

LannieDuck · 14/09/2019 08:52

I'm going to angle for an afternoon snooze.

No, angle for the lie-in. He needs to compromise, not force you to do all the compromising and him to do none.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/09/2019 08:55

You get one morning off each! If he uses his for a hike then he can't steal your lie in too!

Singlebutmarried · 14/09/2019 08:55

As an aside he needs to see someone about his night terrors.

He’ll be waking up the whole household (kids dont sleep through everything forever).

That would make a massive difference.

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 14/09/2019 09:02

So I tried to have an afternoon sleep (i'm in australia so it's saturday eve now), Dd came in and i asked her to tell daddy that mummys having a sleep. Assumed he'd realise he needed to keep her company (my mistake!), and he just let her come back in and play. I played with her for a while and half an hour later found dh asleep on the sofa. Told him it was shit, he said sorry but how does that help? Sorry is such an empty word.

We're not sure what to do about the sleep terrors. The only advice he's been given is to take beta blockers, and he doesn't want to be medicated forever.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 14/09/2019 09:13

Do did DH get a lie-in on the Saturday morning?
And yet he snoozed on the sofa in the afternoon as well, so you were disturbed and you had to entertain your daughter?

That's not just unfair. That's CFery.

I'd hide his keys so, having got up early on Sunday, he then cannot join his friends for the hike ...

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 14/09/2019 09:17

Yep. Cf-ery of the highest order.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 14/09/2019 09:28

I’m pissed off on your behalf! Particularly with a four year old, we spend so much time banging on about sharing and turns them find our ‘partner’ doesn’t have a clue about either and is perfectly happy to fuck us over... grrrAngry

It’s really hard to implement a solution when the person you’re butting heads with just won’t compromise or put the effort in. Git. Soak the inside of his walking shoes so he ends up squishing around in his hike and stinking (or don’t if you’re more mature than me Grin).

Re: the night terrors, I get that taking long term medication is unappealing but in the absence of any other solution imho he has to try. He’s affecting other people not just battling though on his own and I imagine that might be quite scary for your kids to experience in the future. He might find that after a certain amount of time he can wean off, he may not, but it’s too much to ask you to live with long term without even trying medication. It’s not just his needs he has to consider (and I would point out the running theme here also).

Cornettoninja · 14/09/2019 09:29

excuse the typos Blush

leaserspottedmummybird · 14/09/2019 09:40

It's hard growing a baby with other kiddie running riot.
I never had a lie in but I do remember the exhaustion. Dp had to take over all the cooking for the first 14 weeks of dd2 conception as I couldn't cope with certain foods and smells. He bought me a posh cookbook I wanted that had a lot of fish recipes. I couldn't look at the book for the whole 9 mths 😂😂😂

I also remember sitting in the bath when expecting dd1 and not having the energy to wash myself.

So yanbu inwanting a lie in.
Maybe just give dd some morning snacks and stick on a Disney movie for her?? You could always lie on the sofa or go back to bed.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/09/2019 09:54

It be really cross about this - what did he say when you spoke about it?

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 14/09/2019 10:33

Just that he was sorry. Which means very little, because i think actions speak louder than words. We'll have another chat later about this, although i'm kind of bored of disagreeing and being the hard done by one. I know i need to raise it, i'm just tired of not getting along like we used to. Maybe i used to compromise more, and i've changed after having dd (in wanting to put up with less nonsense).

OP posts:
Pinkypurple35 · 14/09/2019 10:37

He’s chosen hike over lie in, he’s also pinched your afternoon snooze. I think you need to absolutely insist he gets up with DD tomorrow now.

LannieDuck · 14/09/2019 11:02

Yep, i think he's had the only lie-in on Sat. He's had the only nap on Sat. It's absolutely, totally reasonable for you to have a lie-in on Sun.

If that means he can't join the hike until after your lie-in, so be it. That's the end result of his choices this weekend.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/09/2019 11:17

I think he should forgo his hike too since he has stolen all the other sleep opportunities!

And definitely have a clearer conversation about the weekend in future. We used to mark our lie ins on the calendar!

Original poster
CucinaBreakfast · 15/09/2019 07:14

Guys. I got my lie in. Thanks for the support! 😂 feel like a numpty but glad i wasn't bu..

OP posts:
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