DS Y11 - autonomy over phones or not at night?

[tactum]

Most important yr so far - GCSEs. DS saying he needs to listen to podcasts to get to sleep - I say no. DH does listen to podcasts to get to sleep so feels he's in a glass house and cant judge.
I've always insisted phones off at 10, that's it. DS is a games/tech boy and I don't feel I can trust him.
Who is BU?? I feel I am within my rights on this occasion to say 1 rule for DH, another rule for DS. Or am I out of order?

I have a 17 year old son. I was going to take his phone away at that age. School specifically told us not to. All kids were listening to specific podcast/ ap things prescribed by school at bedtime. They are a school continually involved in research projects and its something we have to subscribe to as part of the school ethos. These were specifically to do with reducing stress and depression in the children in the year group. Apparently all the prelim research is showing if your child uses things like headspace every night in GCSE year their stress depression and anxiety levels are significantly lower than in the control groups (who dont).
Perhaps theres room for having a mobile phone at bedtime for kids in stressful school years it seems. I wouldn't rule it out altogether.

DD has a Bluetooth speaker in her bedroom so on nights that she wants to go to sleep listening to a podcast/music, she sets up her phone before leaving it downstairs overnight. She's in Y10 but I plan to do the same throughout Y11 too as she is easily distracted by notifications etc.

I let my daighter have her phone last year at 14 overnight. She regularly stayed up half the night messaging people. She was constantly exhausted. Her grades went to crap and she was moody and addicted to the phone.

This year we have a new rule - all remote controls and electronics come to our room to charge overnight. They were a bit grouchy the first night, but since then it is magical. 15 year old admits it is a huge improvement as she is getting enough rest and couldn't resist the phone when it was there. Youngest is getting more sleep as he isn't being woken by the 13 year old on the xbox.

It is just so much better.

I would allow autonomy on Friday and Saturday night but not on Sunday-Thursday nights.

What age is year 11? Sorry we don’t use the same numbering scheme in
Scotland (I really wish posters would say the age of children as yr 11 means nothing to me)

Age 15-16.

It's now 1.15am and I'm still on my phone, so I'd say no to your DS being able to turn off his phone at a decent time by himself!

I'm at the Mumsnet bubble where people are confiscating phones from their 17 year olds, as indicated by a PP. You do know that if they really wanted to at that age they could be married, or die for their country?

I never took or checked DS' phone and as far as I know we've had no murders yet. I understand there are some circumstances with vulnerable young people where this wouldn't be an option, but broadly speaking I wish people on these boards would realise their kids can run rings around their daft old mums with proxies/incognito/deleting messages and apps etc. so a cursory glance at their Instagram DMs is pissing in the wind. Foster a culture where your kids can come to you over things like that rather than one of fear which just leads to more secrecy.

From the point of view of autonomy - at Y11/sixth form age they are on the cusp of adulthood and it feels wholly unnecessary to withhold their phones from them.

My 18yo DS still puts his phone with the younger kids phones' at night. He rolls his eyes and tells his mates "Oh you know what my Mum is like", but he's absolutely allowed his phone. He's an adult. He pays his own phone bill.

When he moves away for uni he's planning on letting people think he sleeps through his phone at night and just turn it onto silent. His mates just now know that he wouldn't. In the morning he's got notifications from snapchat and the likes from through the night.

He's also one of the first of his mates to have a car and thinks he'd get random late night emergency 'can you pick me up' calls as we live rural and calling him would save someone calling their parents.

Kids of that age handing in their phones are probably doing so as it's easier than being the one in the group that doesn't go on it late, and it's more face saving to say "my Mum is mean" than "I actually like sleep"