How do I lose a stone by Saturday?

[Gracie300]

Meant to diet. Forgot. And I like wine and carbs.

Maybe if I cut a leg off? Just knee to foot?

Jolly Cooper always puts her fat heroines on the grapefruit diet. Then they clean their teeth and have their tousled manes blow dried and they look like models. Takes 3 days apparently.

Can you order a tapeworm from Amazon? I think you still have time for Prime one day delivery

Cannot be done, just stick with the wine and carbs, no point in denying yourself when it's too late anyhow

Wear high heels to increase your height and your bmi will go down.

Spanx a size too small. Squeeze it all in. Don't sit down because your stomach will be pushed up into your throat and you'll vomit.

I know this because I experienced it.

Flip reverse the issue.

Just grow four inches.

If by any chance you are Teresa May, taking your necklace off before weighing yourself might help.

Running through fields of wheat is optional.

@thenightsky That just made me laugh out loud and nearly wake my 6 month old. Damn you.

@Butttons

Are you weighing yourself correctly?

Just buy bigger clothes, a bit more give works wonders

Helium balloons attached to your belt loops with stout string?

Yes, buy clothes three sizes larger, you will look like an underfed street urchin you are waiflike.

Drink a lot to ease your suffering.

ENJOY!!!!

If you manage it tell me how??

You’d have to remove my backside! The size of it since DC is a disgrace!

D&V is the only way. Providing you recover by Sat

I reckon Henry VIII might have had some ideas.

Weigh yourself naked in the morning , before breakfast and no makeup or watch . Take off any rings .
Seriously try drinking as much water as possible. Or write everything you eat/ drink down .

Weigh self with all clothes on, plus any children.

Take off children and clothes.

When weighing yourself, gently lean on another surface. Job done

Have you seen that episode of The Simpson's where Homer weighs himself and he's lost weight but it's actually his stomach resting on the radiator?

Wear a sheriff's badge then no one will notice. They might not speak to you though.

Grapefruit diet & a healthy dose of cascara, a la Jilly Cooper.

You don't. You realise you're value as a human is not determined by how much you weigh or what you look think you like, then you go and enjoy the fuck out of whatever event you have!

*your

I'm going to sound like an honorary Nana of mine now so cough and acquires a genteel Dublin poshish accent 'Well you do know when smiling,laughing and being a wonderful person nobody remembers anything but your face and you nothing but a wonderful evening'.

(Followed by the glare of IGotTheCakeInSpecialYoullEatItSodYourWeekend)

Watch the 24 hour rolling news channel, that will put you off your food.