I know I am.. ish. I just want to post here as I'm to embarrassed to cry to anyone else.
For context, when I was 17 I took out a loan and then another loan then a credit card and massively buggered up my life by not making payments on time, all the time. So it's all my own doing and I should have known better.
Now my credit rating is still sooooo poor.
I've moved our with DP. We pay a mortgage but again this is in his name as my credit was too poor for a mortgage. But I pay half of everything to him.
I have a really good job that should eat well but I live super rurually and the wages here are rubbish. But I'm still doing ok.
I'm working my way through my shite ton of debt.
But now I've spotted a car that gave me a sick excited feeling. I loved it, but I know it's something I cant do. Sure, maybe in 20 years. I have a baby on the way so once my debt is paid off I'll be then paying for my child so I wont have much to my name then either.
I've wanted this car for months and months and months, when I found out I was pregnant I put my dream car to bed in the back of my mind as it's now unrealistic and my priorities have changed.
But its started creeping up in my head again and i just feel really sad that I cant get one.
It sounds silly but all of my friends have quite nice decent cars or brand new cars, and I feel abit of an odd one our from them all when we meet up (all live fair distances from eachother as rural) and they all get out of their lovely cars.
It's such a materialistic thing to get upset about but I cant help it. I have almost everything I want, a roof over my head, a good career and what is soon to be a family of my own. I'm happy with that and I wish I wouldnt think the way I do about something so disposable. :(
Why am I so silly?