To pull out of house sale and purchase...

[Evbnl]

DH and I had agreed a sale on our property to a cash buyer and had offer accepted on a property, our dream home after months of searching. We’ve all instructed solicitors but haven’t yet received our draft contracts or had surveys.

Yesterday I received the news that I have stage 2A cervical cancer and will require radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I’m shocked and devastated. I don’t feel strong enough to go ahead with a house move and really want to pull out.

We negotiated a v low commission rate with our estate agent who has gone above and beyond for us. The property we are buying and selling is through the same agent. She spent a long time going back and forth to the vendor to negotiate a good price and even persuaded the vendors to move in to rented. We’ve met the buyer of our home and the sellers of our new home personally (viewings outside of office hours) and they are all so lovely, which makes this worse.

DH is a very positive and almost in denial. He has suggested that we could continue with the move. He says it’d help to keep my mind occupied on positive things, give me something to look forward to etc. Family have all offered to effectively do the move for us so that DH and I can focus on my treatment, as they knew how excited we were to move.

I have no idea how I should be feeling or whether I should be picking myself up and carrying on with normal life, but don’t feel I can. DH thinks I’ll regret it as I was the main driver for us moving in the first place and the house we have offered on is very special, but that’s not my priority. I really worry about letting everyone down, especially after solicitor costs have been occurred by everyone and I know we’ll probably be blacklisted, but I can’t help how I feel.

AIBU to pull out at this stage?

I would go for it. It will take your mind off things.

I'm really sorry OP

I think think is the sort of situation where any decision you make would be perfectly reasonable.

In your shoes I'd want to be at 'home' for treatment and I think moving house would be unsettling, so I absolutely see where you're coming from. I do think taking some time, maybe a week or two, just to make sure you're not making any knee jerk decisions would be sensible though.

YANBU but stage 2a should have a good outcome and if this is your dream house and if your dh is willing and able to shoulder most of the stress then I would go for it, something positive to look forward to.

Are you changing area? One of our vendors found out that he had cancer after exchanged and the doctors wouldn’t start treatment because the course couldn’t be completed before he moved. He had to wait six weeks until he had moved into the new house before he could start treatment. I don’t know how common this is - we found it really shocking.

Sorry to hear your news - I would hold off if things will be tight financially. You and your partner may need time off work or reduce hours depending on how you respond to treatment. It would be additional stress.

Sorry for your news, OP. Take the weekend to decide. YWNBU if you pulled out, but would that be the best thing for you?

I am so sorry about your diagnosis.
Turn it round in your head. If you were the other party would you want that person to be stressing about letting you down or money that everyone risks losing anyway?
You need your emotional energy for yourself right now. Don't feel guilty for putting that first if you want to

If it’s your dream home I would proceed. When things have sunk in and you’ve started treatment I think you will love being in a new lovely house and it will give you a boost as well as taking your mind off it-especially as family are going to do the move for you x

You need a treatment schedule. My DH has a cancer (different type obviously)

Diagnosed start March
Surgery early/mid May
Chemo/radio late July to early Sept

So there was a lot of downtime.

Do you have any critical illness cover that will be paying out OP? put in a claim ASAP then you will obviously have a much smaller/no mortgage to move home with so no worries there then.

Will moving add a lot of financial pressure? If it will then I wouldn't do it. I presume you will both need time off work at some point & added financial stress would just cause upset that you don't need. Wishing you well in your recovery & choices

Agree with PP, don't make a decision now, give yourself time to assess how you feel. I would however let the estate agents and solicitors know that your circumstances have changed due to a health implication and for now not to progress the sale. Assure them you are not pulling out, but want to pause for a period to figure some things out.

Sorry to hear this OP, fellow cervical cancer patient here.

What is the financial situation? Do you work, and if you have to take a few months off sick, will you be ok paying the higher mortgage still? I think that if all is good in that area, then I'd carry on with the move because I've found it's important to have things to look forward to, and if this is your dream house, losing it will just add to feeling bad. Having something to keep your mind occupied, will be helpful, and it sounds like you've got a lot of support with others helping with the practicalities.

However, don't make any decisions yet. It's a big thing to be told, and you need to have some time to process it.

Feel free to PM me, if you need any advice about the cancer. Also, visit Jo's Trust, it's a cervical cancer charity, and you'll find lots of information, and a forum on there.

I wish you all the best with your treatment.

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis I can only imagine what you are going through.

I think you should go ahead with the move or you will regret it.

So sorry about your diagnosis,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and as a family we have made a lot of life changing decisions over the last year. One of these was to move house. We're still waiting for a completion date but I put ours on the market the day I went in for a mastectomy!

I've found it's helped to be able to plan for the future whatever that may hold.

I'd go for the move. Maybe let the rest of your chain know of your diagnosis and ask for a couple of weeks to see how your treatment plan will pan out.

Good luck with your treatment, take all the help that is offered to you and remember to put yourself first,

I don’t want to add to the worry but something similar happened to a friend of mine. He was moving house and found out he had cancer. Due to the treatment etc he needs time off work and as a result had to tell mortgage company as it’s a potential change to the application. They reduced the amount he could borrow. Not by much fortunately so the could stretch a bit to bug the house. I really hope it all works out for you.

I agree with your husband. Go ahead with the move

Name changed for this.

I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis and I wish you all the strength in the world to cope with this and hope you have a positive outcome.

If you can financially manage the move and mortgage payments without you ever earning income again, then move if it will make you happy. Let everyone else do the packing and moving and just move from your bed in your old home straight into your bed in your new home. Also moving in the UK is rarely quick - you could be completely cured before you even exchange!!

I was diagnosed with stage 3B cervical cancer (grade 3 - most aggressive form) in February 2017 and I’ve been in remission for a year.

You need to find out what your treatment schedule is - will you have surgery (a hysterectomy can often remove 2A and 2B cervical cancer if there ever is enough margin to work with), or if not they should give you a schedule of all your chemo and external radiation appointments.

I had two surgeries, but as my cancer had advanced to my uterus, lymph nodes and bladder, and my tumour was too big, a hysterectomy was not possible and I had 5 weeks of chemo, 25 external radiation treatments (everyday Monday to Friday for five weeks), then had to have 3 sessions of brachytherapy (internal radiation - inserted you can guess!), one a week for three weeks.

I was fine until the chemo started. I had a heart attack during my first chemo session, but they still made sure I recovered enough to get my radiation that day. Chemo made me so violently ill I threw my back out and ended up in hospital for 4 days, I couldn’t eat or drink (and if I managed something, it came straight back up - which you get used to and can go straight back to what you were talking about!). I also got listeria - fun times. I slept all the time (as I didn’t get quality sleep). Hopefully your journey will be a lot less “exciting” than mine though.

I would suggest you accept all the help that is offered - get friends to take the kids for a couple of hours on the weekend, get them to make a meal or put a load of laundry on for you - even ask them to pop in to visit and chat rubbish with you to make you feel normal (you will find out who your friends really are too).

Please message me if you want to chat, because I’ve been there and it’s sucks, but I’ve got some cracking stories because of it.

Good luck xx