Should we stay together

[Bail99]

I've been married for 32 years. we've been together for 40 years. School sweethearts I suppose. I love my wife, I am not looking for or having an affair but.... We seem to have drifted apart, sex is no longer part of our relationship which, if I am honest doesn't bother me. My eldest son is an autistic adult now and I feel he is the only thing keeping us together. My youngest opened up to us last year and said that he was abused by a family friend but won't say who. We've all had counseling and whilst I can now accept that he doesn't want to say, it still eats me up. I recently lost my job to redundancy and I am finding it hard to find work that is as well paid as that I am used to. I have considered ending my life but I worry about the effect on my family. What I'd really like to do is run away from my responsibilities, but I care too much about the impact. What should I do?

It sounds like you are having a very difficult time with a lot to deal with. Possibly depressed, at least stressed. Please talk to your wife.

Please make an appointment to see your GP and tell your wife why.

You have a lot on your plate.

I hope things get better for you.

I think you should talk to your doctor and tell them exactly what you’ve said in your post, highlighting your suicidal feelings.

I’d also bear in mind that you’ve had a rough time of it and that it’s probably the worst possible time to be making life changing decisions.

I hope things start to improve for you and that you get the help you need.

I don’t think you want to die -you want a break - and no wonder. You’ve been though loads of bad stuff. See your GP then work on putting some joy into your life. Start with adding two activities into your week which are solely for your pleasure- a book group, sports activity, a massage, whatever makes you happy. You might need counselling too regarding what happened to your son, best wishes. It can get better xx

Your problem here is absolutely not your relationship with your wife - it's everything else that's happening. You've had a really, really difficult time (and so has your wife) and if you have been having suicidal thoughts you definitely need to speak to your GP. You are severely depressed and you need help, as quickly as possible.

The thing about depression is that you shouldn't really make major decisions when your mind is in such turmoil, and separating from your wife would be one of the biggest decisions you ever make.

Perhaps, once you've had some treatment for your depression and your mental health is improving, you will still want to end your marriage - but at least you will know you ended it for the right reasons, rather than because everything just got on top of you and you couldn't cope.

I really sympathise - you've had a truly awful time and I can absolutely see why you feel under so much pressure. I hope you can get some help from your GP very soon.