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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving schools - can’t decide

12 replies

Ckharvey · 12/09/2019 06:43

Hi all. This is my first post so apologies if i waffle.

I have a son in year 4 and a daughter in year 1. Not long after my son started school we moved house to a different borough but kept him in his school as it worked for us at the time. When it came to my daughter starting , we put her in the same school. It is an outstanding school and also a research school with lots of extra curricular activities, we all love the school . However the drive takes an hour each way , but we are prepared to do it as they are so happy and are thriving there .
Downsides are obvious , earlier starts , less play dates, won’t be going to secondary school with their friends and when my son starts secondary school I’ll have two kids in schools an hour away .
We have been looking at our local primary school which is also a feeder school for the secondary school they will likely go. We went to view it and was really impressed with it also.
It’s a good school and whilst I know ofsted is definitely not everything , this is really all we have to go on to compare at the moment .
My major concern is they move and are unhappy and I’ve moved them for no reason other than to be closer to home .
Soooo I need advice do you think I should stick to their school and move them at secondary not knowing anyone - or move them now together to the ‘unknown’ to be close to home and will then meet friends to go into secondary school with.
It’s so hard to know what to do for the best Confused

OP posts:
Proseccoinamug · 12/09/2019 06:48

I’d move them now. Two hours travel time there and back is too much for everyone and must cost you s fortune in petrol.
My experience is that it gets harder to move them as they get older.

Ginfanatic · 12/09/2019 06:49

Coming from a Service background (husband on the Army) and my background in teaching. I would say move them. My DD had moved school 8 times by the time she was Y5 and my twin boys were in their 5th school at Y2! They all suffered no ill effects from multiple schooling and if anything it built their resistance and enabled them to adapt and make friends easily, which has transferred to the wider world. DD is studying for her MA in History and one twin is doing a degree apprenticeship in Aviation and the other in Mechanical Engineering, so it definitely didn't hold them back academically. Your work home life balance will be much improved which will only help the children. They will hopefully thrive and look to the bigger picture, I'd rather move them now, than in Secondary School....hope that helps a litte.

pinkdelight · 12/09/2019 06:53

Absolutely move them now. The commute is too long and you're disconnected from both communities. Your local school is good and sets them up for secondary as well as invaluable opportunities to socialise more.

TwoleftUggs · 12/09/2019 06:59

Blimey, 2 hours travelling a day for 6 hours in school. Move them, even the older dc has almost 3 full years left of primary. Plenty time to make new friends and settle, especially if those friends will be ones they move up to high school with. It will be so much nicer having local friends they can play with after school too.
You said yourself, ofsted isn’t everything. But if you’ve visited the new school during a normal school day and get a good feeling from it, then those two things combined make a pretty good summary I would think.

Fredthefrog · 12/09/2019 07:29

Outstanding schools dont get visited so the outstanding place may not even be technically outstanding any more so I would check dates on the inspections. It is easier to move younger children.

BikeRunSki · 12/09/2019 07:32

You won’t be moving them for no reason; you’ll be moving them to establish relationships with the people they will go to secondary school with; for more free time and less travel. All seems like a running situation. They’ll still know the people they are currently at school with; you can still arrange to meet up at weekends.

Original poster
Ckharvey · 12/09/2019 08:12

Thanks all . Think I’m just feeling guilty for moving them but I know it’s the right thing deep down
I struggle with change at the best of times and need to be completely satisfied I’m making the right decision
Feel like it would be easier if we didn’t like their school they’re at!

OP posts:
Tsc1929 · 12/09/2019 08:44

I am almost in exactly the same situation. We moved house last year to be close to a good secondary school. There are four feeder schools for this school which are closer to where we live than their current primary school. They are currently in a catholic primary school (despite us being non-religious) and a lot of their peers will go to the catholic secondary schools. On one hand I want to move them as they will be pretty much guaranteed a place at the secondary that we moved to be closer to, and they will make friends that they will go to this school with. On the other I feel guilty as they have made some really good friends, the school is a lovely supportive school etc. It’s a really tough choice and I want to get it right for them.

Original poster
Ckharvey · 12/09/2019 09:39

It’s so hard isn’t it - heart v head situation

The secondary school we are close to also have a few feeder schools so then worry about them not getting in after the school places are given . If we move them , like you said they are guaranteed a place.

If they do get in they may not know anyone
Myself and my husband both started secondary school not knowing anyone and had different experiences so not on the same page on that hurdle

Part of me is taking the ‘it’s not broken don’t fix it ‘ attitude , but I am worrying about not going secondary with friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Ckharvey · 12/09/2019 13:45

@Tsc1929 be interested to know what you decide to do ! I feel like I’m never going to make up my mind !

OP posts:
Tsc1929 · 12/09/2019 16:35

@Ckharvey - we’ve been in our new house for over a year now and I still haven’t made my mind up! I think I really do need to go a view a couple of the feeder schools and get a feel for them (they are all equally good based on ofsted reports).
My daughter (in yr 4) has just started getting help in current school for anxiety and other behaviour issues so I am also worried about disrupting that. I feel completely torn. I went to a completely different school to all of my primary school friends and really struggled for the first few months ( I’m very shy), whereas my dh basically new everyone as he went to the feeder school for the secondary school he went to!

Apple23 · 12/09/2019 17:10

Does the school you would move them to have spaces in both year-groups? However inconvenient what you have now is, it would be far worse to have two at different schools.

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