To not let a friend drive my kid to nursery every week?

[MeowToffee]

Asking here because it seems an AIBU thread waiting to happen. Will try not to drip feed.

DP and I do not have a car at the moment. Our little one will start nursery soon, for one day a week at first, then two days in a couple of months. We are waitlisted at two nurseries. There is the one close by our home, which is decent but has some issues (a bit rundown, some poor ratings / reviews), and one that's a bit further away, which we really love. My best friend's DD goes there. Because we don't have a car, the nursery that's further away is infeasible for us however. Public transport connections are bad, and it is too far to walk & manage pickup after work.

Now, we had pretty much accepted we'd have to take our baby to the nursery close to our home, but my friend has offered to drive our little one to the nursery further away. This means a significant detour for her, during rush hour. We'd pay for gas, but I still think she'll resent it and it might hurt our friendship. It is only temporary - I am hoping to have my driver's licence by next summer (DP cannot drive for medical reasons) - but I still don't want to accept her offer - I can see loads of potential issues and drama. However, I wonder if it is unfair to not consider my child's best interests and take her up on it anyway. AIBU?

Nooo don't do that OP. You can't rely on a friend to take your child to and from nursery every day. Surely she would resent doing this detour after a few weeks. For her, it would be like having another child.

Choose a nursery that is accessible and works for you and your DP.

However, your friend is very kind for offering.

I wouldn’t do it... trust your gut. Trust me it’s just nursery, and unless it’s a real shithole which it isn’t it really doesn’t matter. Or you could consider an option C x

I think your gut instinct is absolutely right.

DD picked up every lurgy going in her first few months at nursery. I was called on a number of occasions to go and get her.

I think the only way you could make this work is if you would be able to happily afford the time/money to take/collect your DC in a taxi on the days when the need were to arise.

At DD's nursery some of the staff offer babysitting outside nursery hours so I wonder whether another possibly would be to ask the nursery if any of their staff live near you and would be willing to transport your DC (obviously this would cost you babysitting rates though).

I agree with the other posters that you should not take up yourfriend's offer and try the other nursery; it may seem chaotic but if the children enjoy it, so what?

Butterfly84 - However, your friend is very kind for offering.

Yes she is.

Yes, my friend is amazing. :)

I dont think this will work. When children are new to nursery there is a lot of interaction with nursery when they are settling in (which may take a bit longer if only 1 day a week). Just little things about likes and dislikes etc and you building up a relationship with their key worker as well. Eg you telling them that your child may be grouchy as had a bad nights sleep, or asking them how they ate so you know whether they need a snack when they get home, or discussions about what they like to eat etc (eg they say your child didn't eat their broccoli, you tell them its because they only like the stems not the top, they say they normally cut stems off but will make sure they leave them on next time) or them asking to translate your childs toddler speak. It would be difficult for your friend to do this for you.

Trust me it gets old quick when you are tied to an inconvenient nursery run - let alone for someone else’s child!

Get your driving licence and then move to the nicer nursery if you want to. Don’t rely on others for lifts etc. It will end badly

I think perhaps more important than the logistics is how both you and your son will feel if he is always taken to nursery by someone other than his parents - someone else’s mummy saying goodbye to him, no chance for you to liaise with nursery staff in person or meet his little friends. You might find it quite isolating and he might find it tricky. Going to the local nursery might well be in his best interests for these reasons, so don’t feel you are selling him short because it isn’t as shiny as the other nursery - your being involved and available is probably of much more value to him.

Gaviscon makes a very good point.

I think it could really meddle with settling in and exacerbate separation anxiety not to be collected by you at the end of the day. Once they're well established and secure in the childcare setting then it might not be such an issue but I think your DC might really feel your absence. They tend to be absolutely shattered at home time.

@gavisconismyfriend and @INeedNewShoes, thank you for that. That made me see there are more reasons to go for the local nursery than just pride.