Hen do

[TheGirlWithTheFeatherTat]

A friend is getting married. The person planning the hen do is asking a group of us hens for ideas. The other people in the group do not want to give any suggestions and keep saying it is up to the planner to sort it out. All the planner is doing is asking for ideas, not for us to plan. AIBU to think they are being difficult?

Have you put any ideas forward? Perhaps they're sick of hen dos and are really not bothered what they do. Surely it's not beyond the wit of the organiser to, well, organise something?

The person planning could be asking for ideas for a few reasons. What are everyone’s expectations? What is everyone’s budget? Etc. Why won’t people just be honest and say what they want to do??

Is it a week in Magaloof kind of thing or a meal and disco?

YABU

I bet if you suggest something, the others will soon jump in and say why that isn't suitable!

I think the planner should throw a few ideas out there, and gage opinion

Yea they are being twats.

To be honest id much rather be just told what’s going on.

When I organise hen dos (hopefully I never have to again) I get the bride to tell me things she fancies, things she hates, tell her we’re not paying for her, and get a date and budget.

Then I plan a day with one/two others and tell the group what is happening, how much it costs and what they need to do.

Too much debating is boring, painful, and no one ever agrees.

YANBU

It takes all of two minutes for someone to reply and say, "I'm happy just to go for a drink & a meal, thanks" or "how about a weekend at a spa?"

YANBU- all she is asking for is ideas. The other hens sound like hard work

I’ve been to a variety of hen dos.

For one it was a week in a lovely Greek island. Another was dinner an a disco in the west end. Another was a cocktails at home with a naked butler.

Friends have been to a country cottage with a hot tub for a long weekend and others went to cocktail making/purfume making etc.

Help her out a bit with what you expect

Can't pick a name - I'm happy to give ideas, it's the others in the group who aren't. I think it's a sweet gesture to the bride to ask for ideas

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you were asking if the organiser was being unreasonable. Yes the other hens are being unreasonable

Can't pick a name -

Sorry to de-rail, but...

A naked butler at home? No way would I attend that.

A naked butler at home? No way would I attend that.

Nope. Me neither. Sounds vile.

Maybe she wants people to put forward ideas so she can see what ball park their budgets are in. If people suggest things like "a nice meal and cocktails" or "a spa day" then obviously people aren't looking to spend hundreds. However if they suggest things like "a stay in a country cottage for the weekend" or "a weekend in Spain" then they are willing to spend more. I dunno, that's my take on it anyway.

Also, I do think people are being difficult by not putting ANY ideas forward. And you can guarantee those people are the first to moan when things aren't the type of activities they would have chosen themselves.

Who are the other "hens"? . It sounds to me like they're not bothered if the do happens or not

I bet it's one of those situations where no one wants to be first to suggest something in case it's wildly off the mark with the rest of the group.

Are there a lot of them and do the hens know each other quite well? If not maybe no one wants to be the one to say ''meal at the Harvester and a boogie in the local dive club?'' in case the rest were thinking weekend at Bovey Castle ...

Yes, the naked butler was a bit awkward. He was a lovely (hot) young man and we were all, just, the right side of 40! By the end of the night we knew everything about his life and were giving him life advice 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️